I've noticed a lot of other people with BPD posting here..

[lack]

I, too, have borderline personality disorder. However, I've been highly suspecting over the last year that my BPD is actually just autism in disguise; or maybe at least it's caused by undiagnosed autism that went under the radar for so long (I'm a 34 year old, biologically female and socialized as such). I've been to so much therapy and worked so hard to try to "recover" from my BPD and it doesn't fucking work. there's an underlying cause for my BPD that isn't and hasn't ever been addressed, so until I can figure that out, I don't think I'll ever be able to properly address my BPD. but I can't get an assessment for autism, it's.. basically impossible as an adult, especially if you're poor and.. I don't know.

I'd love to hear from other people who suspect they may also have autism, since autism in women particularly seems to behave somewhat similarly to BPD.. Ive also seen some very strong similarities between BPD and C-PTSD, as well as autism and C-PTSD, and just.. there's a whole bunch of overlap between it all, and it just makes so much sense to me that they're at least sometimes (if not often times) all entangled and comorbid, that maybe there's a chance that undiagnosed girls with autism became fucking traumatized by the difficult experiences, resulting in C-PTSD that behaves/looks like what we know as "BPD".

it feels like a sort of lottery, what doctors you encounter at what point in your life.

i don't believe I'll ever get the help I need because I sought it out before, only to get directed wrongly and now I feel stuck.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

My GP after shoving tonnes of Sertaline down my throat then said "maybe you have BPD" . I read a tiny bit about it but was skeptical. Then came across autism and adhd but I was ticking a it of boxes for autism. It's been nearly 1 year since I went to the GP (I'm 35) and to get the grant for the National Autistic Society is currently sitting at 4 months since the first email/paperwork being sent to them.

Any of this stuff on the NHS is pretty much impossible. If you are neurodivergent, Therapists will not work - the way your brain is wired doesn't match at all with nearly all therapists - the only exception is if they are also autistic (I came across ONE on YouTube who was actually talking my language the way my brain works). All other therapists are NPCs and want their clients to become their pay pigs for life - remember - if you get treated = no more income for therapists. You need to stay sick to keep the cash coming in. Similar to how the NHS is as well especially when it comes to handing out pills like candy.

PTSD AND CPTSD don't bother. You need to tackle the top thing (autism) first and then tackle the other issues otherwise the gps or professionals start sending you places just to waste time and nothing happens.

 

[CozyTime]

I don't have any diagnose and thus can't speak on it but I have some shared symptoms such as the heighted emotions, overreactions etc. that I know some suffer with.

My post doesn't really have much to contribute but I more wanted to share an observation of mine, through dating and friendships I've been close with people w BPD and something you should always remember is that nobody loves as passionately as you do.

I'd describe it as raw love. Some will say obsession but what is love if not an unending obsession?

For me to be loved by someone like this has been the only time I've felt loved for who I truly am and for that I will always be thankful.

 

[CocoToxBase]

Hey there I am diagnosed with BPD PTSD and Depression/Anxiety. A psychologist told me she thinks I have autism and/or ADHD but typically didn't put me in for any sort of assessment. I feel like the BPD label is so highly recognised in mental health and the easiest to put on people due to having a lot of symptoms that mental health people display the most. For me, I was diagnosed with it because of my severe impulsivity but I definitely DO NOT have the fear of abandonment. I don't care if people leave me and I don't care if they'll ever come back, I enjoy my own peace and that's just me. I've tried to get autism and adhd tests but you know what their are like…. Awful, I still haven't heard a response. I just feel like most of the time if not all the time they are slapping these diagnosis' on people without even giving them support for the diagnosis and allowing us to accept it. I don't even accept myself or understand myself never mind a diagnosis labelling me when I don't understand it. Now I've come to realisation it's not about giving someone a diagnosis to help them it's about putting you into a category so they know where to ship you off to if you are in Crisis. And I think it's funny because if you got given a chronic illness diagnosis, you are explained what it is, put on a pathway to get support for the chronic illness regular meetings and appointments whereas with mental health it's just like here you go and see you later. And they wonder why people take their lives.

 

[sserafim]

I have ADHD, Asperger's/autism level 1, and social anxiety. I think that I might have a personality disorder, but I'm not sure which one

 

[voidstar]

I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 (30 now) and BPD since I was around 13/14. Been in therapy also since I was 7 so pretty much everything about my mental issues is well documented yet no one ever suggested autism/Asperger's or anything like that. I even asked my phycologist about it.
But I find myself checking a lot of boxes like noise sensitivity, anger issues, anxiety, slight fixations - which are also issues with ADHD. Then again I also have issues that clearly point to BPD like extreme mood swings and impulsive behavior. Ugh. I hate this.
Since I gotta switch my psychologist soon anyways I might approach the topic again with the next. Sorry for the long rambling, you just reminded me about all of this again.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

It's also possible to have both

 

[Meteora]

I ve been diagnosed with BPD about 15 years ago (now 45) and the longer I went to therapy the more I felt I don't have that. Then I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, ADD (without hyperactivity), DDNOS, ...... and suspected diagnosis of DID.
Two years ago a psychologist recommended to get autism assessment.
So I can very well understand what you mean...... and yes, it is a lottery.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What symptoms cause you the most pain and grief?

 

[bipbapbop]

I don't have any diagnose and thus can't speak on it but I have some shared symptoms such as the heighted emotions, overreactions etc. that I know some suffer with.

My post doesn't really have much to contribute but I more wanted to share an observation of mine, through dating and friendships I've been close with people w BPD and something you should always remember is that nobody loves as passionately as you do.

I'd describe it as raw love. Some will say obsession but what is love if not an unending obsession?

For me to be loved by someone like this has been the only time I've felt loved for who I truly am and for that I will always be thankful.

This is so lovely to hear. I have CPTSD which has a lot of overlap with BPD and despite all the mistakes I made in my failed marriage, I am proud to know that he always knew I loved him. He even told me that he's always known that he is loved and I hope he always does.

Sorry for derailing the thread!

 

[thelazyegg]

I was late diagnosed with ASD at 29 years old after being misdiagnosed with "unspecified personality disorder/borderline personality disorder", "adjustment disorder", etc. I was diagnosed ADHD "with auditory processing difficulties" at 7 years old. I definitely have CPTSD and PTSD, as well as good ol' anxiety and depression (which is also related to living as an undiagnosed level 2 autistic woman that everyone thought was being a "drama queen" and not trying hard enough without proper support until I hit autistic burnout as an adult).

I can tell you that autistic women typically get misdiagnosed as BPD, though autistic women can ALSO have BPD as well. It's complex. Also, I wouldn't go after official diagnosis unless 1) you have the money or someone who can help pay for it and 2) you need it for accommodations for work or for going for disability.

There's not really a reason to spend that much money on any other reason, unless getting it validated by an outside professional means more than anything. If you are already suspecting it, and have been researching and it fits, it probably does!

I know there are people out there that judge self-diagnosis, but honestly it's a privilege to get diagnosed and it actually has not helped my life at all since getting it in 2021 My retail job didn't respect the accommodations and I had to quit the job in 2022 and drop out of my grad program because of burnout and lack of actual, true support for my problems.

ETA: I recommend the Neurodivergent DBT book. I was skeptical because regular DBT didn't fit for me, but the Neurodivergent DBT book is actually solid. Helps you learn your sensory sensitivities with all senses and create an action plan for future overwhelms. You can find it free online. Take a look and see if any of the information sticks or is helpful.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

ETA: I recommend the Neurodivergent DBT book. I was skeptical because regular DBT didn't fit for me, but the Neurodivergent DBT book is actually solid. Helps you learn your sensory sensitivities with all senses and create an action plan for future overwhelms. You can find it free online. Take a look and see if any of the information sticks or is helpful.

That's because DBT is applied wholesale and doesn't take into account differences among the patients. It assumes that everyone has the exact same inherent toolbox to draw from when it comes to creating a "life worth living". That's definitely not the case when it comes to neurodivergence!

 

[Meteora]

I've been to so much therapy and worked so hard to try to "recover" from my BPD and it doesn't fucking work.

Same. I was diagnosed with BPD almost 20 years ago (I'm 45) and worked so hard.... no success. At the time, some said, Borderline, some said, for sure no Borderline.... I never got a professional assessment for BPD.

but I can't get an assessment for autism, it's.. basically impossible as an adult, especially if you're poor

You need to get it. It's important.....

and just.. there's a whole bunch of overlap between it all,

There is!

that maybe there's a chance that undiagnosed girls with autism became fucking traumatized by the difficult experiences, resulting in C-PTSD that behaves/looks like what we know as "BPD".

I wonder the same. It is clear that autistic people are more vulnerable to trauma.

it feels like a sort of lottery, what doctors you encounter at what point in your life.

It is.

Sorry to not write anything more helpful, but I find myself in what you write.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Are you by any chance traumatized? The BPD label tends to be handled out to traumatized women like candy on Halloween.

 

[LunarLight]

Autistic, BPD and C-PTSD here.

I understand your struggle.

 

[thelazyegg]

That's because DBT is applied wholesale and doesn't take into account differences among the patients. It assumes that everyone has the exact same inherent toolbox to draw from when it comes to creating a "life worth living". That's definitely not the case when it comes to neurodivergence!

I completely agree. Neurodivergence is a lot more complex than people realize. Everyone thinks I can go to an autistic and/or ADHD support group and immediately relate to everyone, but we all have different struggles.

For example, one therapy group I was a part of, one guy said he had never experienced overwhelm. He actually experiences being under-stimulated, and didn't understand meltdowns completely or why other autistic people found retails jobs hard (he likes his retail job).

Another person in the group agreed with me that retail is hell and has a lot of sensory overwhelm issues. but then said that "I wish some people masked MORE and some never unmasked" and that was a surprisingly hurtful thing to hear someone say, but then I realized they were judging themselves too in that statement and they also experienced suicidal ideation and a failed attempt, so I realized that it's probably internalized ableism.

I have been through a lot of gaslighting of my internal experience my whole life (happens if you are undiagnosed almost 30 years of your life), and the regular DBT felt like gaslighting my true emotions and feelings. Didn't like the 3 month program I tried for it and ended up running out screaming a couple times because it was a classroom set up and the teacher therapist reminded me of the program director from the grad program I had to quit that was extremely traumatic from being bullied by my own cohort and getting 5150'd by the school for just ADMITTING I was feeing this way even though I wrote a "7" on likelihood and the therapist said that means I was doing it less for attention :/

Anyways I totally understand what you mean. Regular DBT sucks for us neurodivergent folks.

 

[lack]

oh my gosh, there are so many responses. I want to respond to everyone, but im like... always burned out. lol. i feel like most of you all will relate. i want to quote reply to each thing, but i think i'd have a novel on my hands. i dont think thats what anyone wants, as i tend to just go on way too much. a lot of your messages have stuck with me though, and i think about them often. it helps immensely to feel like im not alone. if i could say one thing, at least, it's that. im always forever thankful for this forum for that feeling most of all. there's nowhere else i feel as understood than when reading the posts here.

its so ..comforting? and also upsetting (disheartening, maybe) to see so many people resonate on any level and feel the the same as i do. i just wanna add; i definitely think (thought? suspect.. perhaps) i might have BPD as well as autism; i just know i cant/havent/wont be able to easily get an autism diagnosis without cashing a lot of money out (also i want to add, sort of as an aside; it definitely would benefit me to have a diagnosis [personally, i know this isn't the case for everyone but this is my situation and i know others are the same too] to have an autism diagnosis, because my support needs are relatively high and going into a workplace environment has always been impossible for me and its not easy to find accommodations for my needs without just sounding like im inept and lazy; or at least that's been the response i've gotten my entire life .. so i just dont even try anymore, and i struggle a lot to not have anything in my life at all.. yet ive struggled and fought for myself for so long by trying to advocate for myself to doctors and cry out that i know something else is wrong with me ahhh, lol, idk.. i digress]).. and im crushed i'll always definitely have that BPD label since i can hardly imagine any doctor ever agreeing with me that i dont have it. but i just, suspect that a lot of my BPD related behaviors are actually just autism in disguise for whatever reason somehow.

i did just watch a youtube video about PMDD disproportionately affecting neurodivergent women that i found very interesting, and again really helps support a lot of my feelings and suspicions even more... this kinda stuff always makes me break down in tears, sobbing, though.. since i dont know how to really go about trying to get the medical help for anything i need anymore since ive been trying for so long. its been clear something was "wrong" with me since i was put on prozac at 15 and have since been through the gamut of therapies and different medications, including anti-psychotics and benzos and sooo many anti depressants and lmao omg ok i digress again, my apologies. its hard to think even a single person will ever read what i write, .. ? ive been really struggling a lot, all the time. i just moved apartments. the suicidality has been really high, so i tend to stay away from here as to not get too far too deep (because i want to die, but i dont want to die. you know? idk. fighting for so long. i just want a good life. lol).. i dont really trust doctors at all anymore, its exhausting to imagine going back and i dont even know where i would begin anymore. it feels like everything is always different. im so tired, i cant keep up. im also definitely literally experiencing PMS right now (and i alawys suspsected i had PMDD since the first time i learned about it, the symptoms fit so well.. but i didnt know a lot of these things i learned in the video)

here is the youtube video, in case this helps anyone else:

 

[TapeMachine]

I was told by my therapist back when I was 19-20ish that I definitely had BPD. She gave me a little book on it and everything: "I hate you; Please don't leave me" was the title. (I think it's actually still sitting on one of my bookshelves to this day, lol.)

At 37 years old (which was about 2 years ago), I was diagnosed with ADHD-C, and I started trialing the different medications immediately. The bulk of my "BPD symptoms" were just misinterpreted ADHD symptoms, and several of them were alleviated to varying degrees once I pinpointed a medication that works for me.

I'm not suggesting that every female/afab with a BPD diagnosis has been incorrectly identified as such. But I do find it alarming how prevalent misdiagnosis has been in females. I wish I'd been properly diagnosed decades ago, because maybe I could have gotten the help I desperately needed all those years... and then maybe I wouldn't be a dejected 39 year old with squandered potential, on the brink of something as harrowing and irreversible as suicide. But who knows?

 

[actualfemcel]

BPD is just a bullshit throwaway diagnosis by psychs who hate women, especially traumatized women. I was diagnosed with it before my psych changed his mind and decided it was PTSD.

 

[needsomeoptions]

Diagnosed with BPD. Now diagnosis has been removed and I self identify as someone with ASD (1 year into a 3.5 year waitlist , gotta love the NHS)
Im Female, 35.
The BPD diagnosis did a lot of damage. I gaslit myself about emotions I now know were valid.

 

[LunarLight]

I was told by my therapist back when I was 19-20ish that I definitely had BPD. She gave me a little book on it and everything: "I hate you; Please don't leave me" was the title. (I think it's actually still sitting on one of my bookshelves to this day, lol.)

At 37 years old (which was about 2 years ago), I was diagnosed with ADHD-C, and I started trialing the different medications immediately. The bulk of my "BPD symptoms" were just misinterpreted ADHD symptoms, and several of them were alleviated to varying degrees once I pinpointed a medication that works for me.

I'm not suggesting that every female/afab with a BPD diagnosis has been incorrectly identified as such. But I do find it alarming how prevalent misdiagnosis has been in females. I wish I'd been properly diagnosed decades ago, because maybe I could have gotten the help I desperately needed all those years... and then maybe I wouldn't be a dejected 39 year old with squandered potential, on the brink of something as harrowing and irreversible as suicide. But who knows?

It's crazy how widespread the overlap between those diagnoses is. I've been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and BPD (not by the same specialists, and they all disagreed with each other).

 

[AshersGirl]

I often wonder if I actually sat down with a qualified psyche and detailed everything about my brain wiring what they'd diagnose me with.

But on the nhs referrals are like gold dust, never mind treatment.

My BPD "diagnosis" came from the emergency attending psych in my frequent A&E visits which I think was just the catch all they gave any female teen in the 90s that they didn't know what else to do with, because it meant they could just label you "untreatable, brings all on self" and turn their focus to the patients with the conditions their textbooks told them could be controlled with meds.