Venting I've never been loved

[EG1141]

I went down a rabbit hole the other day all about the importance of experiencing romantic love during your teenage years and how it literally changes your brain. I'm 19 now and have never been in a relationship. I've had my fair share of "crushes" and liked a few people, even asking some of them out. Of course, I was rejected, one of them even going on to date my best friend. I feel like I'm undesirable. I don't want to sound like an incel, but while I guess you could consider me that, I am far from their ideology. Now that I've been diagnosed with cancer, I understand why no one would want to be with me. I'm just an ugly suicidal idiot. This is one of the main reasons that I wanna CTB. I have my SN, I just don't know when I wanna use it.

 

[KillingPain267]

Don't sweat it. The concept of romantic love is a human construction, there is no proof that it is natural and in the brain. It didn't exist before the Middle Ages when troubadours made songs and poems about a new concept of love (today it still exists in movies, books and culture).

Before that, only the other two aspects of love existed: 1. Pure bodily arousal and 2. Duty to provide and bring forth children to continue the lineage or religion (that too is a societal construction). And throughout history, teenage "love" didn't exist either. Just a 100 years ago, girls were not even developed until age 17 up to 19. While girls were often married off as soon as they were developed in some cultures (not even all), boys had to build a career first or receive their inheritance.

So at least 20-25 years of age was when they even were allowed near girls. Tacitus, around 98-99 CE, noticed that Germanic tribes married late.

Even the concept of a teenager is no more than 80 years old.

 

[EG1141]

Don't sweat it. The concept of romantic love is a human construction, there is no proof that it is natural and in the brain. It didn't exist before the Middle Ages when troubadours made songs and poems about a new concept of love (today it still exists in movies, books and culture).

Before that, only the other two aspects of love existed: 1. Pure bodily arousal and 2. Duty to provide and bring forth children to continue the lineage or religion (that too is a societal construction). And throughout history, teenage "love" didn't exist either. Just a 100 years ago, girls were not even developed until age 17 up to 19. While girls were often married off as soon as they were developed in some cultures (not even all), boys had to build a career first or receive their inheritance.

So at least 20-25 years of age was when they even were allowed near girls. Tacitus, around 98-99 CE, noticed that Germanic tribes married late.

Even the concept of a teenager is no more than 80 years old.

It still doesn't change the fact that it is something we all yearn for.

 

[lamargue]

brutal. it's true that adolescent experiences which entail sexual exploration are beneficial for developing desirable social characteristics later. but i like to think that it's not as common as initially thought, and that the pamphleteering of adolescent wiles in current society is an inherited delusion that we buy purely due to its saturation in media

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It isn't necessary to have romantic love during your teens. I don't know where you saw this claim, but it's false. Everyone moves at their own pace and some people don't start experiencing romantic love until near the end of adolescence or up into adulthood. I didn't start experiencing true romantic love until I was 20 and I didn't get my first bf until 21 (which is how old I am mot, lol). I've heard plenty of people talk about not experiencing this stuff until even later in life. It's not a big deal and you shouldn't feel shitty over this.

 

[KillingPain267]

It still doesn't change the fact that it is something we all yearn for.

Yes, that is true. Since we grew up with it as a culture, we yearn for it. But, knowing this, it does give us a chance to undo it in our culture and media and we may also be able to be un-brainwashed from romantic love. I know for myself that when I got older I stopped having the classic crushes (limerence) on members of the opposite sex.

 

[Reflection]

Don't sweat it. The concept of romantic love is a human construction, there is no proof that it is natural and in the brain. It didn't exist before the Middle Ages when troubadours made songs and poems about a new concept of love (today it still exists in movies, books and culture).

Before that, only the other two aspects of love existed: 1. Pure bodily arousal and 2. Duty to provide and bring forth children to continue the lineage or religion (that too is a societal construction). And throughout history, teenage "love" didn't exist either. Just a 100 years ago, girls were not even developed until age 17 up to 19. While girls were often married off as soon as they were developed in some cultures (not even all), boys had to build a career first or receive their inheritance.

So at least 20-25 years of age was when they even were allowed near girls. Tacitus, around 98-99 CE, noticed that Germanic tribes married late.

Even the concept of a teenager is no more than 80 years old.

I dont think that romantic love is just some kind of modern construct or brainwashing, we do feel it strongly when we bond and connect with a special someone, if that's not natural then what is? And what about the pain that comes from losing that someone?
There have also been stories and poems from different cultures about it throughout history.
I do agree though that the concept of teenage love being "absolutely intergal" to one's development being false and a recent thing...and to be honest I've only ever saw it being pushed in incel-like circles and such.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Don't sweat it. The concept of romantic love is a human construction, there is no proof that it is natural and in the brain. It didn't exist before the Middle Ages when troubadours made songs and poems about a new concept of love (today it still exists in movies, books and culture).

Before that, only the other two aspects of love existed: 1. Pure bodily arousal and 2. Duty to provide and bring forth children to continue the lineage or religion (that too is a societal construction). And throughout history, teenage "love" didn't exist either. Just a 100 years ago, girls were not even developed until age 17 up to 19. While girls were often married off as soon as they were developed in some cultures (not even all), boys had to build a career first or receive their inheritance.

So at least 20-25 years of age was when they even were allowed near girls. Tacitus, around 98-99 CE, noticed that Germanic tribes married late.

Even the concept of a teenager is no more than 80 years old.

I agree. Romantic love is constantly pushed in the movies and TV and media like many other things.imo most of these are false learned addictions.

I don't have any desire nor need to get a romantic partner nor romantic love.

Others are I don't have any desire to have children nor friends

When I was younger i was brainwashed before to think I needed and or wanted a girlfriend and also friends and then children... Not anymore I don't need any of that . Especially me wanting children now to me is the Most horrific abomination .

The wanting children is easiest to see that is not natural as birth rates are declining rapidly in many countries.

Someone posted here on this thread we all yearn for it . I don't .

I think the thousand brains theory of the brain is correct..

A New Theory Of Intelligence: Review of “A Thousand Brains” by Jeff Hawkins

To me, the most interesting observation in the book is not about brains – it’s about how an intelligent species could make its presence known across the vast distances of space.

www.forbes.com

New AI Project Aims to Push Beyond Neural Networks

The Gates-funded Thousand Brains Project will mimic the human neocortex

spectrum.ieee.org

 

[KillingPain267]

I dont think that romantic love is just some kind of modern construct or brainwashing, we do feel it strongly when we bond and connect with a special someone, if that's not natural then what is?

Racism also felt "natural" before, but when the laws and system changes, suddenly the "natural" feelings disappear. Now only few people feel disgust at an interracial couple.

And what about the pain that comes from losing that someone?
There have also been stories and poems from different cultures about it throughout history.

That is not romantic love necessarily. It may overlap with it, but it's no different than the feeling of losing a mother or sibling. You wouldn't say someone mourning the loss of a sister is because the living sibling had a romantic love relationship with her.

I do agree though that the concept of teenage love being "absolutely intergal" to one's development being false and a recent thing...and to be honest I've only ever saw it being pushed in incel-like circles and such.

Exactly, they spew a lot of pseudo-science.