Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,203
This is from a video I was watching of a black womans experience with autism/sociopathy due to severe trauma and abuse. And how she feels afraid to do an interview about her life story because her family will disown her for going public with her trauma and struggles. That even now, she calls them and they won't answer
I feel the same will happen for me
I don't think I'm on the ASPD spectrum and havent been diagnosed with autism (but could be undiagnosed tbh) I feel I am living life on a tip toe while I'm still at home for surivval reasons (which makes sense)
Doing what I can (work and social life) while preparing for a future (grad school/careers) so I can have a better chance of escape and a batter life I guess. My co workers are def pushing how important it is to get my schooling out the way, and I do want do more jobs but simply don't have the degree for it. So time to make it a priority I guess
I just see a future where either my family abandons me emotionally for speaking my truth (I think about writing a book one day and doing deep trauma dives who knows. A lot of my trauma is still too severe for me to jump into). I also minimize a lot, I guess
Either way, while I still am in communication with my family now for survival reasons but also those bits of safety (like last week I broke down at my grandmas place and she made me a meal) its like, I can't enjoy those moments anymore
Because whats it gonna matter when one day they turn on me, or I walk away from them?
None of how we interact, even the good moments, are going to ever matter
I feel the same will happen for me
I don't think I'm on the ASPD spectrum and havent been diagnosed with autism (but could be undiagnosed tbh) I feel I am living life on a tip toe while I'm still at home for surivval reasons (which makes sense)
Doing what I can (work and social life) while preparing for a future (grad school/careers) so I can have a better chance of escape and a batter life I guess. My co workers are def pushing how important it is to get my schooling out the way, and I do want do more jobs but simply don't have the degree for it. So time to make it a priority I guess
I just see a future where either my family abandons me emotionally for speaking my truth (I think about writing a book one day and doing deep trauma dives who knows. A lot of my trauma is still too severe for me to jump into). I also minimize a lot, I guess
Either way, while I still am in communication with my family now for survival reasons but also those bits of safety (like last week I broke down at my grandmas place and she made me a meal) its like, I can't enjoy those moments anymore
Because whats it gonna matter when one day they turn on me, or I walk away from them?
None of how we interact, even the good moments, are going to ever matter
