Venting I've lost all hope.

[onceremoved126]

I can't take this anymore. I feel that, at this very moment, my only option is to CTB. I've tried therapy before, didn't work. It really seems that my therapists only want me to "behave typically", rather than helping me to feel better. In a way, I think they're more intrested in why I like shiny rock and get way to stressed when change happens, rather than whatever's going on in my mind.

I have no will to live, every bit of joy that I used to experience, that I used to cling on, it's completely gone. I'm alive solely because suicide is to expensive, and I can't bring myself to do it, just in case I survive. I'm in a state of mind in which the only thing I want is to die. I've lost all hope, I know things are never going to get better. I know that every single day will be worse than the one before, I know that things will never get better.

People tell me that I'm in "my prime", that at 20 years old, I haven't lived long enough to decide whether I've had enough. The truth is, that I've had enough. My whole life I've been treated like I don't belong, like I'm not wanted, like I was never supposed to be here in the first place. When something good might finally happen to me, it's almost immediately taken away from me. That's why I've come to the conclusion that I was put into this world to suffer, that my only purpose is to suffer, and that I will never be happy, ever. I want this to stop. I want everything to stop.

I will never be happy, I will never stop suffering, things will never get better.

Everything keeps getting worse, and things will never stop getting worse.

I'm tired, and I'm done.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it’s certainly so dreadful feeling trapped here in this cruel existence, it really should be more straightforward to just permanently be free from existing, I get why you’d feel so tired of it all.

 

[Amelie]

I can't take this anymore. I feel that, at this very moment, my only option is to CTB. I've tried therapy before, didn't work. It really seems that my therapists only want me to "behave typically", rather than helping me to feel better. In a way, I think they're more intrested in why I like shiny rock and get way to stressed when change happens, rather than whatever's going on in my mind.

I have no will to live, every bit of joy that I used to experience, that I used to cling on, it's completely gone. I'm alive solely because suicide is to expensive, and I can't bring myself to do it, just in case I survive. I'm in a state of mind in which the only thing I want is to die. I've lost all hope, I know things are never going to get better. I know that every single day will be worse than the one before, I know that things will never get better.

People tell me that I'm in "my prime", that at 20 years old, I haven't lived long enough to decide whether I've had enough. The truth is, that I've had enough. My whole life I've been treated like I don't belong, like I'm not wanted, like I was never supposed to be here in the first place. When something good might finally happen to me, it's almost immediately taken away from me. That's why I've come to the conclusion that I was put into this world to suffer, that my only purpose is to suffer, and that I will never be happy, ever. I want this to stop. I want everything to stop.

I will never be happy, I will never stop suffering, things will never get better.

Everything keeps getting worse, and things will never stop getting worse.

I'm tired, and I'm done.

I do understand your frustration with therapy, I feel the same way. Do you have a diagnosis and what therapies have you tried?

 

[BlazingBob]

I'm sorry 😞 Whatever you decide, there's a lot of love and support available to you right here on this forum.

 

[onceremoved126]

I do understand your frustration with therapy, I feel the same way. Do you have a diagnosis and what therapies have you tried?

Right now I'm only diagnosed with PTSD, but I'm also getting tested for autism. I had a preliminary BPD diagnosis, but right now, my psychiatrist doesn't want to bring it up, even if I told them that bpd is my main concern, and that getting that diagnosis might help.

At the moment I'm not doing therapy, and the ones that I've had are the regular one on one speaking sessions.

 

[dialogos]

Right now I'm only diagnosed with PTSD, but I'm also getting tested for autism. I had a preliminary BPD diagnosis, but right now, my psychiatrist doesn't want to bring it up, even if I told them that bpd is my main concern, and that getting that diagnosis might help.

At the moment I'm not doing therapy, and the ones that I've had are the regular one on one speaking sessions.

I felt the same. The cause was my thyroid hormone levels went to almost zero coz of temporary damage to my thyroid. It was very difficult, it lasted almost 50 days before my thyroid recovered. Try going to a neurologist, they have better training when it comes to actual physical, chemical problems with the brain. These feelings or lack thereof, come from either a neurochemical imbalance, damage to a part of the brain etc. My uncle just died from a brain tumor that got so big it pressed his brain from the inside. He had mood swings months before his tumor was detected. Strange behavior caused by physical pressure in his brain