Tintypographer
I am done as of 4-21-2023. Somewhere I am no more
- Apr 29, 2020
- 470
I've realized lately that I can't regain hope. I've gone far too deep. I no longer believe that salvation is possible and I can think of millions more unanswerable questions to fight back against anyone who tries to give me hope. "Will this matter in 500 years?" Is the first one. "What if I deliberately choose not to accept things I can not change" is another. "What if my starting point is that I don't want to reframe or look on the bright side?" Is another. "What if i dislike the human relationships around me as my second point?"
What if the mix of all of these things is all that I think about and I've simply become comfortable with them day in and day out. I live exhausted knowing I didn't choose this life, I don't enjoy it or the being of existence. I don't care about my wife, my kids, my family. I hate it all. I wake up wishing every day I didn't have to wake up. I detest my home, my life, my career, my family, my extended family, all human interaction and I know that the greatest shred of happiness I could ever feel would be to not exist.
What if the mix of all of these things is all that I think about and I've simply become comfortable with them day in and day out. I live exhausted knowing I didn't choose this life, I don't enjoy it or the being of existence. I don't care about my wife, my kids, my family. I hate it all. I wake up wishing every day I didn't have to wake up. I detest my home, my life, my career, my family, my extended family, all human interaction and I know that the greatest shred of happiness I could ever feel would be to not exist.
