I’ve lost £47,000 worth of happiness

[Marktheghost]

I had £47,000 accumulated in the bank. I wanted to use it to pay for social opportunities and get out and meet people. I wanted to use it to pay for some help and support with making friends and shopping etc. I wanted to use it to pay for some holidays. I wanted to use it to start eating a healthy, varied diet instead of eating the same things all the time. I wanted to use it to travel the world. I wanted to use it to buy presents for friends if I ever make any new friends. But I can't do any of that because nobody cares enough about me to give me the help and support I need, or even help me get a support worker!

The social security regulations say I'm not allowed to have more than £6,000 saved up. I've been in danger of losing most of my income for years because of having so much money. And of course I've already been losing money for years because the interest rate is nowhere near enough to keep up with inflation.

So on Saturday, I gave £47,000 away to charity. £47,000 worth of potential happiness all gone, just like that! And this isn't even the 1st time! I must have given close to £100,000 to charity altogether over the last 14 years to try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to avoid losing state benefits, because I haven't had the help and support I need to spend it on myself!

 

[Pluto]

That's a very bold move. Which charity do you support?

Here in Australia, there are rules around having excessive savings when applying for government income, but it's OK to own one's own house up to a certain value, and have certain other possessions. So there are ways to work with the system that do not demand throwing savings overboard.

I've often wondered if it's possible to 'buy' a recovery. I've drawn the conclusion that it may well be, but genuine solutions won't be cheap.

 

[Chinaski]

This is frankly unbelievable, l mean l suppose it's possible that someone would give away nearly 50k so they could receive less than 10k per year of welfare benefits, but, well...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My narcissistic family took around that amount of money away from me, and I always think that I could've done something with that to improve my life too. I wonder how the charity would use the money. I could always use more.

I think the cap on savings is pretty stupid, personally. It follows through my family example on how it rewards being unscrupulous with money.

My brother gambles all his money away, so he gets all the money and support from the rest of the family. I don't have any vices, so I get nothing. I'd get nothing anyway, but they expect me to pay for everything, too.

I hate the hold that money has over people in general. I read some sad things today about that.

 

[newave3]

Charity begins at home.

 

[Weebster]

Why the fuck would you do that? You could've enjoyed that money and then ctb, if you were suicidal before you gave it all away that is. This is infuriating!

Many people are undeserving of their money because they lack sense!

 

[NothingElseMatters]

that's a nice amount

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I think it's ok to give money away, people do that before they ctb. Not everyone wants to spend money on themselves or would even enjoy that. Nobody gives me money to look after me, but I think that would be nice, even though it would make me feel weird. Charity at home doesn't seem to include me, since none of my family puts my needs at a priority, at all, they like hurting me instead, and mostly spend their money on others or waste it. Sometimes a little money can make someone else feel better - just don't expect anything back. There's other people that are in desperate straits and I would think of them - if I had more money I'd take care of people who seemed to need it the most.

I wanted to make a GoFundMe for a while, but could never bring myself to do it. It would be exhausting and I would feel worse if nobody seemed to care.

 

[Pluto]

My brother gambles all his money away, so he gets all the money and support from the rest of the family. I don't have any vices, so I get nothing. I'd get nothing anyway, but they expect me to pay for everything, too.

I've seen these patterns before. Instead of empathy and support being distributed equitably amongst the members of the family, some members are set up as scapegoats, or their needs are deemed insignificant. I've felt like my family operates like a corrupt, 3rd world dictatorship and I just happened to be the equivalent of the unprotected villager destined to a fate of famine while others enjoy a nice Concorde shopping spree.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I've seen these patterns before. Instead of empathy and support being distributed equitably amongst the members of the family, some members are set up as scapegoats, or their needs are deemed insignificant. I've felt like my family operates like a corrupt, 3rd world dictatorship and I just happened to be the equivalent of the unprotected villager destined to a fate of famine while others enjoy a nice Concorde shopping spree.

That's exactly what happens in mine. Is it related to narcissism in families?

 

[Dot]

Am cnfusd - cld u hve nt jst usd tht ££ on urslf & appld fr benfts agn whn ur £ ws lss thn £6k - u wld lkely hv hd cple of yrs 2 us it

 

[Pluto]

That's exactly what happens in mine. Is it related to narcissism in families?

Narcissism is definitely a factor. Narcissism meaning some sort of situation in which an expected empathy is completely absent.

The trouble is that where there is some sort of pathological narcissism in the leadership (be it parents in a family or some crazed world leader), that will secondarily lead to learned narcissism in the remaining members. They might be taught from a young age not to feel any care or concern for whoever has been assigned the scapegoat role. In the end, there is no distinguishing the pathological narcissism of the mentally sick 'caregivers' from the learned apathy of the enablers who play along.

The only understanding we get is from outsiders who have been through the same abuse in their respective communities.

 

[Chinaski]

Am cnfusd - cld u hve nt jst usd tht ££ on urslf & appld fr benfts agn whn ur £ ws lss thn £6k - u wld lkely hv hd cple of yrs 2 us it

Also PIP is not means-tested, as a UK resident if you are eligible for PIP (a high bar given current UK welfare policies but anyway) you get this regardless of the amount in your account. If op is not eligible for or not claiming PIP, he's essentially chucked 47k away in exchange for a universal credit claim. Not buying it tbh.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Am cnfusd - cld u hve nt jst usd tht ££ on urslf & appld fr benfts agn whn ur £ ws lss thn £6k - u wld lkely hv hd cple of yrs 2 us it

I'm the same Dot, I just end up saving money for years with nothing to spend it on, I don't have a motivation to spend it, or energy at all, just like OP. I have no vices, besides gaming which I'm also frugal with. I don't really enjoy holidays, or anything really, I wouldn't spend it on drink, drugs or hookers. I might have permanent anhedonia, both physically and mentally, since I can't enjoy anything, I'm only really happy when I make money. Consensual sex is nice but because of the intimacy which I don't get from anywhere else, and it makes me feel emotionally better and less alone. I would have more, if my brother didn't steal from me. Him stealing my life savings a few times triggered me to go on huge spending sprees afterwards, which I regret and were pointless.

We both -want- to spend it to get better, but something is dead inside. We need help & support generally to do stuff, but we don't have anyone, not even good help from support workers. I only have an abusive family. I assume it might be the same for OP since we're similar. I don't think it helped that my PTSD has gone untreated for so long and that every counsellor I've ever spoken to sucked major ass, so I never had my trauma treated either. I basically lack energy to do most things and living is really physically and emotionally painful. The new medication I got recently might help but its also kind of late in my life. I still haven't decided to spend the money on myself, I don't think I have enough yet, so I invest it until I make more. The temptation to give money to help others is always there, because they only need a "little" and make it to be a huge deal, even though I don't have enough for myself.

Narcissism is definitely a factor. Narcissism meaning some sort of situation in which an expected empathy is completely absent.

The trouble is that where there is some sort of pathological narcissism in the leadership (be it parents in a family or some crazed world leader), that will secondarily lead to learned narcissism in the remaining members. They might be taught from a young age not to feel any care or concern for whoever has been assigned the scapegoat role. In the end, there is no distinguishing the pathological narcissism of the mentally sick 'caregivers' from the learned apathy of the enablers who play along.

The only understanding we get is from outsiders who have been through the same abuse in their respective communities.

Both my parents were horrible to me from a very young age so my siblings probably learned it as well but I still think they're completely crazy to not unlearn it as adults. I think they're both narcissists as well, though, they're crazy. I most likely am too, I don't know if I'm any different.

 

[lostmylove]

Honorable thing. However I hope it was a good cause. Throwing money at some charities is like throwing it into a black hole of no accountability and autocrats who are on extremely high salary.

 

[newave3]

So on Saturday, I gave £47,000 away to charity. £47,000 worth of potential happiness all gone, just like that! And this isn't even the 1st time! I must have given close to £100,000 to charity altogether over the last 14 years to try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to avoid losing state benefits, because I haven't had the help and support I need to spend it on myself!

 

[Weebster]

Why did you give it to a charity? Charities are scams.

 

[Jln]

Charities are the worse scammers out there, most have rich donors who use them for tax relief. I've seen some of those charities bosses, with multi million pound properties and expensive sports cars while the people they're supposed to be helping are nowhere to be seen

 

[Marktheghost]

I think the charity was called Lumos. They're helping people out with what's going on in Ukraine.

I couldn't spend it on myself because I haven't got the help and support I need to do so, so it was either risk 'losing' the money to the government by not being paid benefits anymore, or losing the money to charity. I'd rather lose the money to charity and use it to help people.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I couldn't spend it on myself because I haven't got the help and support I need to do so

I totally understand where you're coming from. I require the same thing, long-term PTSD sucks.

If you get more money, I'd advise securely investing it instead of keeping it in a bank. £47000 is a lot too, that could help a lot of people, I still prefer to give money directly to people in most need personally. I was reading that Putin is preparing for a nuclear strike, the way his forces are arrayed. I really doubt that is possible and that its just posturing and caution.

 

[Slimetae]

Welp at least it went to helping people.

 

[Greenberg]

I had £47,000 accumulated in the bank. I wanted to use it to pay for social opportunities and get out and meet people. I wanted to use it to pay for some help and support with making friends and shopping etc. I wanted to use it to pay for some holidays. I wanted to use it to start eating a healthy, varied diet instead of eating the same things all the time. I wanted to use it to travel the world. I wanted to use it to buy presents for friends if I ever make any new friends. But I can't do any of that because nobody cares enough about me to give me the help and support I need, or even help me get a support worker!

The social security regulations say I'm not allowed to have more than £6,000 saved up. I've been in danger of losing most of my income for years because of having so much money. And of course I've already been losing money for years because the interest rate is nowhere near enough to keep up with inflation.

So on Saturday, I gave £47,000 away to charity. £47,000 worth of potential happiness all gone, just like that! And this isn't even the 1st time! I must have given close to £100,000 to charity altogether over the last 14 years to try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to avoid losing state benefits, because I haven't had the help and support I need to spend it on myself!

Was there a reason why you did not leave your savings in cash? The government would not know what is under your mattress.

 

[Someone123]

I had £47,000 accumulated in the bank. I wanted to use it to pay for social opportunities and get out and meet people. I wanted to use it to pay for some help and support with making friends and shopping etc. I wanted to use it to pay for some holidays. I wanted to use it to start eating a healthy, varied diet instead of eating the same things all the time. I wanted to use it to travel the world. I wanted to use it to buy presents for friends if I ever make any new friends. But I can't do any of that because nobody cares enough about me to give me the help and support I need, or even help me get a support worker!

The social security regulations say I'm not allowed to have more than £6,000 saved up. I've been in danger of losing most of my income for years because of having so much money. And of course I've already been losing money for years because the interest rate is nowhere near enough to keep up with inflation.

So on Saturday, I gave £47,000 away to charity. £47,000 worth of potential happiness all gone, just like that! And this isn't even the 1st time! I must have given close to £100,000 to charity altogether over the last 14 years to try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to avoid losing state benefits, because I haven't had the help and support I need to spend it on myself!

Could you have spent it on a car or house or some other possessions? It just seems like maybe there were other options. Maybe you could get some of it back if there were other options, but that might be tough.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I had £47,000 accumulated in the bank. I wanted to use it to pay for social opportunities and get out and meet people. I wanted to use it to pay for some help and support with making friends and shopping etc. I wanted to use it to pay for some holidays. I wanted to use it to start eating a healthy, varied diet instead of eating the same things all the time. I wanted to use it to travel the world. I wanted to use it to buy presents for friends if I ever make any new friends. But I can't do any of that because nobody cares enough about me to give me the help and support I need, or even help me get a support worker!

The social security regulations say I'm not allowed to have more than £6,000 saved up. I've been in danger of losing most of my income for years because of having so much money. And of course I've already been losing money for years because the interest rate is nowhere near enough to keep up with inflation.

So on Saturday, I gave £47,000 away to charity. £47,000 worth of potential happiness all gone, just like that! And this isn't even the 1st time! I must have given close to £100,000 to charity altogether over the last 14 years to try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to avoid losing state benefits, because I haven't had the help and support I need to spend it on myself!

could you have bought a property, or would that effect benefits too

 

[Someone123]

I think the charity was called Lumos. They're helping people out with what's going on in Ukraine.

I couldn't spend it on myself because I haven't got the help and support I need to do so, so it was either risk 'losing' the money to the government by not being paid benefits anymore, or losing the money to charity. I'd rather lose the money to charity and use it to help people.

If you bought a car, would that prevent benefits? I just wuish you would have posted on this site, peo0plle coulod have had ideas to help you use the money for yourself in some way. You have a good heart for what you did, but you need to take care of yourself too.

 

[The Abyss]

Would've made more sense to spend it on stuff you could use to get the amount down or on investments. Hell even using it to help some down & outs. Once it ran under 6k then claim the UC. Frankly I find the majority of charities to be run by con artists treating it like a tax free business sitting on high wages exploiting ppls good will.

What's done is done though.

 

[Someone123]

I had £47,000 accumulated in the bank. I wanted to use it to pay for social opportunities and get out and meet people. I wanted to use it to pay for some help and support with making friends and shopping etc. I wanted to use it to pay for some holidays. I wanted to use it to start eating a healthy, varied diet instead of eating the same things all the time. I wanted to use it to travel the world. I wanted to use it to buy presents for friends if I ever make any new friends. But I can't do any of that because nobody cares enough about me to give me the help and support I need, or even help me get a support worker!

The social security regulations say I'm not allowed to have more than £6,000 saved up. I've been in danger of losing most of my income for years because of having so much money. And of course I've already been losing money for years because the interest rate is nowhere near enough to keep up with inflation.

So on Saturday, I gave £47,000 away to charity. £47,000 worth of potential happiness all gone, just like that! And this isn't even the 1st time! I must have given close to £100,000 to charity altogether over the last 14 years to try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to avoid losing state benefits, because I haven't had the help and support I need to spend it on myself!

Maybe you could go to them and tell them you have mental health problems and that you made a mistake by donating all of your moeny and offer for them to keep some but to get most of it back- there are so many uses that couyld have made your life better- maybe a car, depending on the rules maybe some investments are allowed, who knows. Maybe some equity in a house.

 

[W’ren]

In Canada we are allowed to own a certain amount of things not exceeding the value of whatever amount….

Like a car, and there is a separate rule for property.

I think the question someone posed about why didn't you cash it out and put it under your mattress or wherever is a good one and i'm genuinely curious as to why you didn't do that as i've seen other posts you've made in the past and you're an intelligent person-

I also am wondering why not buy a vehicle? As then, in my country at least, it would be allowable… and you would have that to get from A to B in comfort etc…. (AND afford gas right now which is no small feat!!)

I'm genuinely curious as to why you couldn't just buy yourself new kitchen items or finance remodelling if you own your home… like redecorate a room if not. Buy a new mattress or bed.,,? All these things are for your comfort and well being…

Or could you not have found someone to place your money in trust with?

So it's not legally yours… but not theirs to spend- but you'd have to go ask for pieces of the money as needed over time?

Legit questions…
Honestly would like to know.