Venting Ive dedicated my whole life to helping others/animals and for what?

[poppysgarden]

Ive spent my whole life helping others or animals. Always volunteering. always lending an ear. always fostering.
I lost one of my beautiful foster kittens tonight. I heard his mom screaming and ran in to see what was wrong

she ripped.me to ribbons. he was on the ground seizing. he was gone by the time i got to him.

I cant do this any more.
I see so much pointless death. and if some cunt had bothered to desex their brother and sister cats before dumping them on a rescue, then this poor angel wouldnt have had to suffer.

his existence is as cruel and pointless as mine.

I need to rehome the animals i have and then die. i cant watch this bullshit anymore. I feel like a murderer, or worse, a bystander.

Good night, Sooty, Tari, Susu... I am sorry I am a pathetic failure who let you down on every. fucking. level.

 

[pole]

I'm sorry about the loss of your foster kitten. I cannot imagine how difficult that is to deal with.

I cannot blame you for feeling the way you do, but I do believe it is unfair. I don't hold most people to high regards, but one type of person that will always have a special place in my heart are those who have a high level of care and empathy for animals.

I don't know you. but, reading about how you feel, what you've done all your life, the regard for beings that are treated badly, whose pain is overlooked by people, including the idiot that didn't desex the cats.

that regard you have is a beautiful thing and from another animal lover, I know this probably won't matter to you, but I don't blame you. what I want you to know is that I respect what you've done and I want to thank you for exercising a level of empathy towards animals, a task that seems difficult for others to do.

I'm not going to lie to you and say you'll get good karma or things will go your way because of this regard you've demonstrated for others your entire life. that isn't how life works, it's a fucking lonely feeling, and most people honestly don't give a shit to go that extra mile for you, even if you have for them. that's a difficult lesson I had to learn. I'm done being other people's anchor, serving as a doormat, and I am my own rescuer. I'm selfless because I like to do what I do, and I don't expect others to be there on the other end for me. I am and will always be alone and I'm fine with that.

regardless, I do hope you feel better and continue to be selfless. despite the way you feel, it isn't meaningless and I hope you come across people in your life that for once reciprocate the care that you have for others.

 

[poppysgarden]

I'm sorry about the loss of your foster kitten. I cannot imagine how difficult that is to deal with.

I cannot blame you for feeling the way you do, but I do believe it is unfair. I don't hold most people to high regards, but one type of person that will always have a special place in my heart are those who have a high level of care and empathy for animals.

I don't know you. but, reading about how you feel, what you've done all your life, the regard for beings that are treated badly, whose pain is overlooked by people, including the idiot that didn't desex the cats.

that regard you have is a beautiful thing and from another animal lover, I know this probably won't matter to you, but I don't blame you. what I want you to know is that I respect what you've done and I want to thank you for exercising a level of empathy towards animals, a task that seems difficult for others to do.

I'm not going to lie to you and say you'll get good karma or things will go your way because of this regard you've demonstrated for others your entire life. that isn't how life works, it's a fucking lonely feeling, and most people honestly don't give a shit to go that extra mile for you, even if you have for them. that's a difficult lesson I had to learn. I'm done being other people's anchor, serving as a doormat, and I am my own rescuer. I'm selfless because I like to do what I do, and I don't expect others to be there on the other end for me. I am and will always be alone and I'm fine with that.

regardless, I do hope you feel better and continue to be selfless. despite the way you feel, it isn't meaningless and I hope you come across people in your life that for once reciprocate the care that you have for others.

thanks. I still feel hopeless. I dont know if I'll ever stop feeling this way anymore. He didnt deserve to die. He was so perfect. His soul, his body, everything was perfect. And he's gone and I could do nothing.
I am 30. 30 years old and i feel like all I have to show for it is a handful of living pets, and a collection of ashes from dead ones. I am so tired.

 

[R_N]

Recently we tried to help two newborn kittens abandoned by their mom. They didn't make it but I grew attached to them over those weeks and felt anger and sadness after they passed away.

I pushed those emotions away tho. I am tired of indulging in what my body wants, it is torture. Everyone we know we will lose eventually by them dying or us first.

Sometimes I just wish I was a psychopath. I know they suffer as well in a way but feelings suck ass.