I've been posting here for a while, maybe a month now. And I've met some really nice people. And I've spoken to lots of people over chat, and via PM. And ive learnt exactly how I can leave this planet peacefully. I guess I've not yet completely decided on whether I will follow through. I'm definitely open towards sticking it out and turning my life around - although I'd have to say I'm leaning towards CTB more. I've never really opened up to anyone about why I'm so depressed, on here or off it. And I guess I've decided its finally the time. So here goes... I had a cocaine addiction for several years. I kicked the addiction, I would say, about a year and a half ago. Although I must admit I've relapsed maybe 5 or 6 times since then. That may sound like a lot, but when you consider the fact I was doing it 2 or 3 times a week, it really isn't. Anyway, the main reason I stopped was that one night when I was doing it, I felt my nose literally drop down my face. It was just a slight thing, but was really obvious to me. Its caused me to have immense breathing difficulties, and also it's been slowly dropping further over time. Basically I can only breath through my nose when I'm sitting or lying down. Not when I'm actively doing anything - then I have to breath through my mouth. And not only that, but I look at myself in the mirror and I can see that my nose is not in the place it should be. And this makes me want to end it all every time I look at myself in the mirror. I must admit, not a single person has said anything, and I've asked a few people about it too, and nobody says they notice a difference - and they seem genuine, so I'm inclined to believe them. But I know. And I know it's getting worse. Long story short, I cant breath which is severely affecting my quality of life. And I cant look at myself without wanting to cry. Just thought I'd post this here in the event anyone has anything helpful to say.
FluffyDove
Experienced
- May 11, 2020
- 218
GoBack
Paragon
- Apr 25, 2020
- 997
This isn't unusual to happen , did you see a doctor about it, maybe there something corrective can be done.
Stay strong. Addiction is hard to beat. But it pays off in the long run. I hope that doesn't sound generic. But it's true.
I agree with @GoBack. I know doctors are costly sometimes but it seems a worthy investment to see if there is help in this situation. I know septal issues occur with cocaine abuse. It appears it isn't severe as no one has noticed but the breathing problem is troubling. You sound like you'd be a good candidate for recovery if this issue was worked out. I hope you can find a satisfactory answer.
It seems you find yourself in a rather ghastly situation. No wonder you're suicidal: extreme suffering tends to do that to human-beings.
You are clearly in doubt: in that case I'd say the wisest course of actions is probably to see if there might be a way to reduce your suffering. Either you do and that'll probably tip the balance towards life or you don't in which case you can still CTB if you want.
I would seek out medical help: a lot is possible these days so there's a good chance they might be able to fix your breathing difficulties which seems the be the major reason for your misery.
The best of luck to you.
You are clearly in doubt: in that case I'd say the wisest course of actions is probably to see if there might be a way to reduce your suffering. Either you do and that'll probably tip the balance towards life or you don't in which case you can still CTB if you want.
I would seek out medical help: a lot is possible these days so there's a good chance they might be able to fix your breathing difficulties which seems the be the major reason for your misery.
The best of luck to you.
