It's time for me to go

[Lutembëe]

Sorry for my silence, thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to me. The urge to end my life is still there. It will be soon, I've resigned myself to that being my fate. I've been trying to find a way to kill myself since I was a kid. Even in primary school I tried to stick my fingers in the electric socket, so...

As for my relationship... Standby for now, I have an appointment with him with my psychiatrist on Friday. But I feel like it's a waste of time, he's going to leave me.

I'm on a business trip at the other end of France, I hesitated to take my SN to kill myself in the hotel... As it's not the case I drink to forget. I feel so sorry for myself. Alcohol allows me not to cry all day at work at least.

 

[Lutembëe]

Gonna be Sunday. Don't know yet if I CTB at home or at the hotel.

 

[blueclover_.]

Gonna be Sunday. Don't know yet if I CTB at home or at the hotel.

This Sunday? Well, i wish you luck. See you soon.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

So sorry it had to come to this for you. I can relate to the ideation from a young age. Tried to OD on a asprin at age 11 myself because I heard you could. Internet was a far cry from what it is today back then so its not like I had a ton of resources.

That said, my heart breaks for you and all you have been through. I know it's been a long and arduous road, but hopefully soon you find the peace you so desperately seek in some form. You deserve the solace and peace of mind after all this. I wish you luck in whatever you choose. And if you need someone to talk to, I am here. Take care of yourself.

 

[Lutembëe]

Messages and pictures from my mother upset my plan this morning... Just seeing her face kills me, I hate myself for doing this to her. But I really don't have a choice anymore, I know I'm young, too young, but I know in my heart that I'll never be happy.

It's official, he broke up with me earlier. I don't have any barriers anymore, luckily there's vodka to keep me company for a few more days.

I don't want anything to get in my way. I'm going to cut off all contact with my loved ones to avoid guilt. I've booked a hotel from Friday to Sunday, two days seems like enough time to die of SN.