wasamom

wasamom

I’m Beth. I’m just done.
Aug 6, 2023
11
I was told to share this here. I don't know the correct place to post I guess. I'm sorry.

I have my plan set. 08/23/23 I'll be with my boys again. I'm going camping. I'm only bringing a few things…my small tent, extra tarps (just in case), my small charcoal grill (plus all needed supplies), and most importantly my freshly filled prescription of Clonazepam 20mg. Either the burning charcoal (after the flame goes out) moved into the tent with me or a fresh supply of my medication all at once, one or both will finish the job. Plus, I've found the perfect spot where nobody will find me, not for a long time at least. Too late to do anything to change what's done for sure. I'm not doing this out of sadness. Quite the opposite actually. I'm excited. I'll be back with my boys on the anniversary of losing them. That's all I've ever wanted, it's my fate.

To the ones still contemplating CTB, please weigh out all of options and be 100% sure that you're not taking a permanent step for a temporary problem. With that being said…I am and have always been completely pro choice, with life AND death. Only you will truly know if it's right for you and/or your situation. Just don't rush, plan it, do it right so it's the only time you'll have to feel it (mentally and physically). I wish everyone the strength to know who you are and what you're meant to do. I pray that you all prosper on whichever path you choose. ❤️❤️
 
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soonatpeace777888

soonatpeace777888

Specialist
Jul 4, 2023
349
Sorry you lost your children. I heard that is one of the most horrible feelings someone can experience. I regret I will make my parents very sad also but I'm an adult so maybe it wont be as bad.
 
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Unattainable666

Unattainable666

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2023
1,346
I was told to share this here. I don't know the correct place to post I guess. I'm sorry.

I have my plan set. 08/23/23 I'll be with my boys again. I'm going camping. I'm only bringing a few things…my small tent, extra tarps (just in case), my small charcoal grill (plus all needed supplies), and most importantly my freshly filled prescription of Clonazepam 20mg. Either the burning charcoal (after the flame goes out) moved into the tent with me or a fresh supply of my medication all at once, one or both will finish the job. Plus, I've found the perfect spot where nobody will find me, not for a long time at least. Too late to do anything to change what's done for sure. I'm not doing this out of sadness. Quite the opposite actually. I'm excited. I'll be back with my boys on the anniversary of losing them. That's all I've ever wanted, it's my fate.

To the ones still contemplating CTB, please weigh out all of options and be 100% sure that you're not taking a permanent step for a temporary problem. With that being said…I am and have always been completely pro choice, with life AND death. Only you will truly know if it's right for you and/or your situation. Just don't rush, plan it, do it right so it's the only time you'll have to feel it (mentally and physically). I wish everyone the strength to know who you are and what you're meant to do. I pray that you all prosper on whichever path you choose. ❤️❤️
I understand how you feel I lost my little girl and want to be with her so badly. This world has not held anything for me since she left. I'm also using this method. I'm so sorry about your boys, no one gets it until you live through it.
 
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HAL 9000

HAL 9000

Heading toward Jupiter
Aug 3, 2023
56
No parent should have to bear the absence of their child. May you and your children be at peace.

Also I really appreciate you putting that disclaimer at the end. It amazes me how many young adults we have here so reiterating how this isn't a decision to be taken lightly was a lovely gesture.
 
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wasamom

wasamom

I’m Beth. I’m just done.
Aug 6, 2023
11
Sorry you lost your children. I heard that is one of the most horrible feelings someone can experience. I regret I will make my parents very sad also but I'm an adult so maybe it wont be as bad.
I think if I had any of them here it would make my decision a lot harder. I'm only confident in what I'm doing because I have literally nothing left in this world but I do have a chance to be with my babies again. Adult or not, it'll hurt them. 2 of my 3 boys were legally adults. That pain is still unbearable honestly. Do you have siblings? Just make sure that you're 100% sure and try to find a way to soften the blow as much as you can if you chose to go that way. I'm sorry that you're struggling too. Keep your chin up though. No matter what you choose do, do it with confidence and love in your heart.
 
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J

jessisme

Specialist
Dec 3, 2022
383
I'm sorry that you have lost your boys and I can certainly understand your desire to ctb. Your words here are beautiful and I'm sure will be a comfort to others. Warm wishes to you. xo, j
 
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P

pole

Global Mod
Sep 18, 2018
1,385
read your other posts as well and I just have to say how sorry I am for how life has treated you.

having an awful childhood, then fighting and fighting to turn the chapter, and come 3 beautiful children, only to lose them.

it's like you continued to fight but couldn't escape entirely and each time you got back up, you were dealt a huge blow and forced back to where it all started.

wish I could give you a big hug. just fucking sucks that you couldn't run from whatever kept pulling you back. my heart goes out to you.

I hope you finally find some peace.
 
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B

bluebus

meet me at the back of the blue bus
Aug 5, 2023
424
I am so sorry about your situation. It hurts me to hear about your pain and the suffering you've experienced. Life can be so cruel and unfair.
Your story has really struck a cord with me. I can't help but tear up as I write this. I am planning to ctb soon and I know that it will absolutely break parents. I feel so awful about doing this to them. If it weren't for them, doing this would be so much less stressful and painful. I'm their only child and the only real family they have. My dad is my best friend, my most favorite person in the world. My mom has done a lot of bad things to me, caused me so much pain and suffering, but I still love her, and she doesn't deserve this. I wish that I could do this without hurting them, but I know that's not possible. I'm trying to spend as much time as possible with them right now, making sure their last memories of me are good ones, and making sure they know how much I love them. My pain will end soon, but I will only be transferring it over to them, and thinking about that is killing me (no pun intended).
I really hope you can find peace, and that your journey is swift and painless. Your boys will be very happy to see you. Wishing you all the best and sending love,
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,920
I hope that you find what you search for, best wishes.
 
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