It's so hard to commit suicide.

[wagner2029]

I decided to end my life about 6 months ago, I bought a nitrogen cylinder, made the exit bag, I'm putting it off, I tried going to other doctors, I tried other medicines, but I always feel like I don't want to do anything. I've been putting it off for months, I feel so bad for not being able to do it, I feel overcome by a fear that freezes me, I don't know where this fear comes from, I have no religion, I don't believe in gods, I feel an affliction that never stops, it's like Having someone point a gun at your head and threaten to shoot, but I'm the one with the gun, the next day I wake up I regret not being able to do it and the cycle repeats itself.
Maybe it's just the millions of years of evolution acting up, but I feel so cowardly.
I'm just trying to pass the time, I plan to ctb in a few hours.

 

[ilaya]

same boat - its so hard to ctb

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's so difficult to overcome SI. Maybe you're not ready yet? Maybe you're not desperate and hopeless enough. You'd have a peaceful method that works quick. I'm sorry you have to suffer so much. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace.

 

[wagner2029]

yes, I think that's right, what appears most in my mind is the stain that I'm going to leave at my aunt's house, there will be a stain wherever I do this

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is far too unnecessarily difficult to die, I don't believe those who struggle with this are cowardly especially as after all we are programmed to survive. But anyway best wishes.