It's okay.

[VenusOnArrival]

I want to die and that is okay. I feel relieved saying it somewhere that won't sound alarms and scurry to action. We all die, it happens. It's fucking scary, but it happens to everyone. So why not discuss it?! I might be mentally ill but fuck so is acting like death and suicide arent real when it happens in front of us every single day.

It's not even the whats next for me, and probably many others, that is scary. How bad will it hurt? Or, what if I'm not in control? (Spoiler: I will be dying and will definitely not be in control)

Surprisng to me, I also fear saying goodbye to my identity. I have had a lot of hate for myself over the years but also I've done some cool shit too.

As I inch closer to arrival there's so many emotions. Which is so frustrating after being numb for so many years. Like now, when it would be easier you're going to feel the full depths of your emotions? Thanks but it's too late. Ship has sailed, hope is dead, fuck it.

And suicide is so taboo that I can't turn to someone and really explain what it is that I'm feeling to help soothe meyself. It's frustrating and it's lonely and it doesn't have to be this way.

I don't even know if I will ctb but different from the past, barring a freak accident, I feel certain I will die by my own hand.

There are times when I feel ice cold dread rush through my body. And there are times when I feel warm and safe thinking about dying. I get anxious, I cry, I grieve. I remember beautiful things ive experienced and frogot about. And sometimes I just panic. But whatever I think, one day I will die despite my feelings towards it. Should I be afraid of the most common rite of passage in the world?

Do I even have a choice not to be afraid? Isn't it hard coded into me to survive.? Lol I have no idea about this shit they are just questions I have.

wbhen I have doubts I tell myself I believe I should be the one to do it. And I don't feel okay very often, so why not sooner than later?

 

[_smile_]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really resonated with your views on death and how taboo suicide is, when death is the only sure thing that happens in life. We shouldn't feel shame for what we feel and ultimately what we decide to do with our own lives.

It is absolutely okay that you want to die. And it's okay that I want to die. And it's okay that others here and out in the world want to die as well.

I think the only way to stop fearing death is to become at peace with it. Mind, body and soul.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death truly is the most normal and inevitable thing and it's like so many people forget that with how they wish to prolong the existences of other people at all costs despite the fact that we are simply destined for nothing but to die and be forgotten about. I see so much comfort in death, only death can bring me peace and I just despise how choosing to exist on one's own terms is so stigmatised. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.