It's (not) getting better - can you relate

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

Whenever something goes well for me I instantly get hit by something bad outweighing all the positivity.
Today started well, I went out with my friend. We grabbed snacks, hot chocolate, went to the cinema and talked. I enjoyed myself. I got home and instantly got hit with 2 bad news one after another.
Same around 3 months ago. I had a decent month, even visited my online friend in another country. It was all so great. I came back home and got into 2nd worst low in my life I ever experienced. Just me, my pathetic life and suicidal thoughts.
It just never truly gets good. Whenever I'm happy or enjoy life at that moment I get punished for it right away. Like what's the point? It never gets better. It only gets better so then it can get even worse that before.
Can you relate to that?

 

[Unbelonging]

I relate to that a lot. Whenever something good happens to me, I'm anxious for the rest of the day in anticipation of the bad thing that's going to happen to me later. I always feel like the bad in my day outweighs the good or at least just cancels it out. As a kid, I would purposely go out of my way to avoid good things happening to me sometimes because I thought that the better my day was, the worse the day after it would be.