Its my fault people abuse me

[Water-Lily]

I mean this literally. Myshit outlook on life and my own self (I literally verbally abuse myself all the time because I hate myself that much). I feel like I subcoinciouly make people come after me because maybe there is a part of me that wants to be abused and believes I deserved it. Or maybe I am just unlucky but I think I attract these people into my life. So in a way its kind of my fault? I dunno

 

[insanedoomer]

y are lucky y stil lcan do it , i nearly dont have any social contact because of the same thing .

 

[blue_muse]

It's not your fault SoloPlayer. Exploitative folk are always on the lookout to use someone's good qualities for their own gain.

 

[Water-Lily]

It's not your fault SoloPlayer. Exploitative folk are always on the lookout to use someone's good qualities for their own gain.

Sucks there are so many people like that. Especially here. I have encountered people who seem to leech on others being depressed/suicidal.

 

[Neowise]

Only a few days ago I heard a quote by Immanuel Kant:
"If one makes themselves a worm they must not complain when they are trodden upon."
Seems true to me, but I hate myself too much to not make myself a worm.

 

[insanedoomer]

Only a few days ago I heard a quote by Immanuel Kant:
"If one makes themselves a worm they must not complain when they are trodden upon."
Seems true to me, but I hate myself too much to not make myself a worm.

you have the right to do it for yr self , but its not always true

 

[BandAddict]

The way people treat you doesn't always have a lot to do with you. It doesn't mean you won't attract people that are abusive, but that doesn't mean they treat you a certain way because of you, it's because of them. Same with kind people, they're just kind.

It feels sort of impossible to convince myself of that, so I understand if you're unable to see it from that perspective, but a part of me does believe that is the case.

 

[AmmarQz]

It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you were born in a body with a brain that you hate. I REPEAT: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

[Symbiote]

People like us always seem to attract the NPD types. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and make sure that people don't exploit me for their own gain which makes for a lonely existence sometimes. It's my fault as well that I enable certain behaviors in people because I deserve it too.

 

[Water-Lily]

People like us always seem to attract the NPD types. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and make sure that people don't exploit me for their own gain which makes for a lonely existence sometimes. It's my fault as well that I enable certain behaviors in people because I deserve it too.

You and me both. It would have been nice is so many predatory people didn't exist...

The way people treat you doesn't always have a lot to do with you. It doesn't mean you won't attract people that are abusive, but that doesn't mean they treat you a certain way because of you, it's because of them. Same with kind people, they're just kind.

It feels sort of impossible to convince myself of that, so I understand if you're unable to see it from that perspective, but a part of me does believe that is the case.

This is an interesting perspective. thank you

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Sucks there are so many people like that. Especially here. I have encountered people who seem to leech on others being depressed/suicidal.

I hear about this all the time but I've only ever had one single gay guy tell me about how much he liked micropenises (4.8 inches is NOT micro, you asshole!).

 

[Red]

If you've lived a whole life this way it's hard to see if it's a chicken or egg first kind of situation, nature or nurture, etc. Was I born broken or just get broken by life? All of the many situations that seem to confirm your suspicions: using common logic over and over, again and again, it's very easy to conclude that the only common denominator in all these horrible situations is you.

But you're the common denominator in all the good experiences you've had too, right? I mean you were there, just like you were there for the bad ones...

Give yourself a break
You'd definitely say that to somebody else, right?

I'm so horrible to myself I would ever dare treat or speak to anyone else the way I do to myself. I've been overheard self-cussing and I'll scrabble to reassure that I am not speaking to them that way but only to myself - the reactions of those people are very telling. Those who answer with "oh well that's ok then!" are basic but the "please don't talk to you that way!" people are the real keepers.

Don't feel that you're to blame for everything if you've simply been scapegoated by people who refuse to take responsibility for the effect they have on others. Only ever take your fair share.

Also, there is never a "reason" to fucking abuse ANYBODY, ever.

Big hugs

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No it is not your fault that you are abused, it is the perpetrator that is in the wrong. Often times an abuser will attempt to put the blame on the person that they are hurting; this is done to force their victim into submission like a potent venom that paralyzes prey, so that it cannot fight back. This could be the reason that you feel that you deserve to be mistreated (you do not), because those that are targeting you are playing the role of a victim.

 

[Water-Lily]

I think for me I feel this way because I see it as a continuous variable in my life. Like I always face abuse by someone no matter where I go...

 

[aneurysm]

4.8 inches is NOT micro, you asshole!).

idk why you keep whining about it, I think this is the average size

 

[Dolunay]

I was wondering the same thing...

It's tough getting over an abuse, and I'm telling this judging by my own experience. You start questioning everything because you've been so gaslighted that you don't know what is real and what is not anymore. And this is exactly what abusers want: to make you go crazy. As a matter of fact, it's easier for them to manipulate and take advantage of people when they "trap" their victims into a cage of uncertainties, where their only point of reference becomes themselves (the abusers).

As a consequence, you start blaming yourself for everything that has happened, is happening and will happen, no matter what. You try in any way that you can to justify their toxic, narcissistic and/or psychopathic behavior by telling yourself nice stories like "They didn't mean to", "I am to be blamed. If I had been stronger, this wouldn't have happened" or, even worse, "They had all the right to do so, because I'm a piece of crap who doesn't deserve anything good". Can you relate to any of these? I guess you can.

I'll try to be as objective as I can: indeed, people having narcissistic traits who, over time, are more likely to abuse you are attracted by a particular type of people: helpers, rescuers, forgivers and empathetic people are only some of them. Therefore, if you feel that deep down you are like this, you are going to be like a walking magnet for them. So yes, you attract them, but please be aware that this happens BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON, because you want the best for them all, no matter what, and because you focus more on the people around you rather than on yourself and this has led you to the point of believing that you deserve all the bad things that they do to you.

No, you do not deserve this, and I know it's not right that you have to get through this... this is the nth drawback of being a good and warm-hearted person. I'm not saying that you should stop being the wonderful person that you are just to keep the abusers away. This is not a solution and may not even help at all. Instead, please understand that you are a victim and that it is perfectly normal that you have these doubts and questions hanging over your head. Trust me, nothing in the world could justify their abuses. Being good towards someone should not be in any case paid back with an abuse.

Think of it this way: your abusers are just a bunch of frustrated and ungrateful idiots who did not deserve any of the good things you did for them. It's their fault, not yours. Your only fault is being good, but... since when being good is a flaw, something you should be punished for?

Hatred helps in this case. You gotta hate them. It's gonna be a long and emotionally painful process because you will have to reconsider many of the things you were certain of and you basically have to reset your brain, but trust me, it's the only way out.

I wish you all the best!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

idk why you keep whining about it, I think this is the average size

Yes, on an average male skeleton it would look ok. On mine it looks small despite obviously working as well as if I was shorter and had a smaller bone structure.

 

[aneurysm]

Yes, on an average male skeleton it would look ok. On mine it looks small despite obviously working as well as if I was shorter and had a smaller bone structure.

I'm 24 and I can assure you that at this age, no sound woman care about this (and I have pretty reasonable standards). You'd have to be retarded to care about these things past a certain age as a woman :)

 

[Nevn]

As someone who's been abused most my life, sometimes I get the same feeling. The rational side of myself says it's really just a side effect from being abused in the first place. The other part of me wants to argue with that and say it's because it's what I deserve or want. I think over time I think a lot of us end up normalizing abuse and almost feel guilty when it's not happening to us. Either way, all my feelings aside. I don't really think anyone deserve it truly... And just because you're mean to yourself doesn't mean you have to forgive or deserve that from other people. Unfortunately those who like to abuse others can seems to sense those of us who are more inclined to give them a chance. It's one of those horrible facts of life. Still I say it's not really your fault. It's just something that I think happens to most of us chronically abused people.

Yes, on an average male skeleton it would look ok. On mine it looks small despite obviously working as well as if I was shorter and had a smaller bone structure.

Honestly that's not a bad size. I just figured I'd respond as someone who actually has an opinion on these things. Smaller size (which honestly I think that's about average anyways) is actually kind of nice in it's own ways. If it's too big honestly that can hurt and take a lot of fun out of things. Your size isn't bad. I wouldn't fret over it. Personally I prefer people on the smaller end. But reguardless anyone who's mature and not a jerk would like it. Since they like you and that's a part of you. c:

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Honestly that's not a bad size. I just figured I'd respond as someone who actually has an opinion on these things. Small size is actually kind of nice in it's own ways. If it's too big honestly that can hurt and take a lot of fun out of things. Your size isn't bad. I wouldn't fret over it. Personally I prefer people on the smaller end. But reguardless anyone who's mature and not a jerk would like it. Since they like you and that's a part of you. c:

My cope is that if it's smaller you can go harder without any damage. Thank you for this post, btw.

 

[Symbiote]

My cope is that if it's smaller you can go harder without any damage. Thank you for this post, btw.

You just have to find someone that doesn't have a canyon vagina or a vagina that echoes, and you'll be fine. Not every woman is a designated parking spot for buses.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

You just have to find someone that doesn't have a canyon vagina or a vagina that echoes, and you'll be fine. Not every woman is a designated parking spot for buses.

I'm dying a virgin 100%, but it's still fun to know that it would've worked out if I found the love of my life.

 

[Nevn]

My cope is that if it's smaller you can go harder without any damage. Thank you for this post, btw.

Oh! No worries my dude. Just stating how I feel haha~ Honestly I agree with that completely. I think everyone is unique. Anyone who would ever make that an issue isn't mature enough to have a relationship in my personal opinion. In any case there's tons of women who have problems with intercourse being painful due to having a tilted uterus or other issues. (Which is quite common, 1 in 5 actually.) Most of them would and will appreciate something easier to manage. That being said. I think if you love your partner, regardless of size, big or small. It's important to find a way you both enjoy things together and less focus on anything like that. So what ever way you wanna take it, never feel ashamed of anything like that! Sounds silly but people who care about you normally don't tend to pay too much mind to that unless they're shallow... And anyone who is that shallow is probably not someone you want to be having a relationship with in the first place. You're good my homie. c: Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Nevn]

LMFAO I'm tired and did not think of my words. I'm gonna make the excuse it's almost 7am. Forgive me. Haha - post actually made me chuckle.

 

[Meditation guide]

Abusers are almost always narcissists and some can also be sociopaths. It helps to understand why you attract them like a magnet. There are lots of videos on this subject on youtube.