Venting It's my birthday tomorrow

[redisblue]

It's my birthday tomorrow, in a few hours actually. I'm going to be turning 20 years old. This birthday is just another reminder that I've been here for way too long. I don't want to be 20. I want to be young again and not know about the horrible things that happen on this planet. For the past few years, birthdays have felt draining. Last year was okay, it was quite nice, but I felt physically and emotionally drained after it. I'm in a worse state currently than I was last year, so I'm worried about how it will go. I want to enjoy my birthday, I don't want to think about CTB or self-harm or how shit I feel. I just want to be okay, even for just one day.

 

[FuneralCry]

Birthdays also remind me that I've been here for too long and that I've unfortunately managed to suffer for yet another year. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[redisblue]

Birthdays also remind me that I've been here for too long and that I've unfortunately managed to suffer for yet another year. But anyway I wish you the best.

I'm glad somebody gets me, although I'm sorry that you're still suffering. Thank you, you too :)

 

[Raven2]

I get depressed on birthdays just reminds me of another year past where nothings changed. I hope you can enjoy your day and happy birthday

 

[redisblue]

I get depressed on birthdays just reminds me of another year past where nothings changed. I hope you can enjoy your day and happy birthday

Yeah I get you, I'm sorry that you're suffering like this. Thank you :)

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

I really hope you have a calm and peaceful birthday tomorrow.

 

[redisblue]

I really hope you have a calm and peaceful birthday tomorrow.

Thank you so much :)

 

[Rocinante]

Happy (early) Birthday
Birthdays, and the two months leading up to it, are a brutal time for me. It's a reminder I'm aging with no worthwhile accomplishments

 

[DeathSleep]

Birthdays remind me of how much longer I could actually live which gives me anxiety.
I hope yours is a good one tho.

 

[redisblue]

Happy (early) Birthday
Birthdays, and the two months leading up to it, are a brutal time for me. It's a reminder I'm aging with no worthwhile accomplishments

Thank you!! I understand, and I'm sorry you also suffer like this :( It's such a shame that how we feel prevents us from enjoying a time that should be fun.

Birthdays remind me of how much longer I could actually live which gives me anxiety.
I hope yours is a good one tho.

That sounds like a horrible feeling, I'm sorry :( Thank you :D

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i get what you mean. i hate my birthday, i just feel so sad for weeks leading up to it, especially during, and after it. every year since my twelfth birthday ive said to myself "this will be my last", yet here i still am nine years later, still feeling like a lost little twelve year old. i hope you at least have a pleasant day tomorrow. if you can, do something nice for yourself, its the least you deserve. <3

 

[Kerrtu]

I hope your birthday is peaceful and people respect your boundaries. Birthdays are tough for me, too. My birthday was yesterday and I chose to overdose just enough to be knocked out long enough for it to be over.

Anyway - happy birthday, fellow Gemini ♡

 

[LoiteringClouds]

It's my birthday tomorrow, in a few hours actually. I'm going to be turning 20 years old. This birthday is just another reminder that I've been here for way too long. I don't want to be 20. I want to be young again and not know about the horrible things that happen on this planet. For the past few years, birthdays have felt draining. Last year was okay, it was quite nice, but I felt physically and emotionally drained after it. I'm in a worse state currently than I was last year, so I'm worried about how it will go. I want to enjoy my birthday, I don't want to think about CTB or self-harm or how shit I feel. I just want to be okay, even for just one day.

Hello @redisblue,
Happy birthday!
I wish you enjoy, or at least feel okay.
I hope love you receive will be true.

I might be just a stranger on this website,
And I'm no Shakespeare, my words don't have such might,
So once more I say Happy birthday,
I wish you the best from far away

 

[redisblue]

i get what you mean. i hate my birthday, i just feel so sad for weeks leading up to it, especially during, and after it. every year since my twelfth birthday ive said to myself "this will be my last", yet here i still am nine years later, still feeling like a lost little twelve year old. i hope you at least have a pleasant day tomorrow. if you can, do something nice for yourself, its the least you deserve. <3

I'm so sorry that you understand how I'm feeling :( Thank you so much, that means a lot <3

I hope your birthday is peaceful and people respect your boundaries. Birthdays are tough for me, too. My birthday was yesterday and I chose to overdose just enough to be knocked out long enough for it to be over.

Anyway - happy birthday, fellow Gemini ♡

Thank you so much!! Aww... I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope that you're feeling okay. Sending hugs and love :(

Hello @redisblue,
Happy birthday!
I wish you enjoy, or at least feel okay.
I hope love you receive will be true.

I might be just a stranger on this website,
And I'm no Shakespeare, my words don't have such might,
So once more I say Happy birthday,
I wish you the best from far away

Awww this is so sweet!! Thank you so much, I really appreciate that <3 :D

 

[GreenTree]

Used to love my birthday. Now I hate it. Hope you have the best birthday possible. Happy birthday.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Happy Birthday! I can fully agree with you and can imagine how it feels. It's the same here, my birthday means nothing to me anymore since years. This day just tells me that another year full of agony and sufferings is over and the next year ahead of me will be even worse.

 

[charlotte_]

Idk if I'm late or not, but I feel you on this. My birthday comes next month, so I'm quite anxious too. It's a reminder of how many years of my life I've wasted. But still, I wish you a wonderful birthday. Can you perhaps try to let go of all the things that's been troubling you, even just for 1 day? Deadlines, past mistakes, anxieties...all sorts of things, can you perhaps free yourself from them and just enjoy that moment of your life? If you can't, that's also alright. It takes time to change. Btw, happy birthday!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you a happy birthday. As much as you can. Birthdays are rough, for most of us.
Hope you can relax and enjoy a movie or something else that you like.

 

[Shoya]

I hope you can enjoy your birthday peacefully. And also sorry for your suffering.I hope you can find peace in your life

 

[redisblue]

Used to love my birthday. Now I hate it. Hope you have the best birthday possible. Happy birthday.

I'm sorry :( Thank you :)

Happy Birthday! I can fully agree with you and can imagine how it feels. It's the same here, my birthday means nothing to me anymore since years. This day just tells me that another year full of agony and sufferings is over and the next year ahead of me will be even worse.

Thanks! I'm sorry that you understand :(

Idk if I'm late or not, but I feel you on this. My birthday comes next month, so I'm quite anxious too. It's a reminder of how many years of my life I've wasted. But still, I wish you a wonderful birthday. Can you perhaps try to let go of all the things that's been troubling you, even just for 1 day? Deadlines, past mistakes, anxieties...all sorts of things, can you perhaps free yourself from them and just enjoy that moment of your life? If you can't, that's also alright. It takes time to change. Btw, happy birthday!

Thank you! I tried to forget about everything for a while, and succeeded, but something occurred which resulted in me feeling anxious for the rest of the evening. It was all going so well too :(

Wishing you a happy birthday. As much as you can. Birthdays are rough, for most of us.
Hope you can relax and enjoy a movie or something else that you like.

Thank you so much!! <3 :D

I hope you can enjoy your birthday peacefully. And also sorry for your suffering.I hope you can find peace in your life

Thanks! :)

 

[rabid_aspie_yokai]

Our situation is crazy similar. Almost same age and everything. I want to say something meaningful but can't... I want to say it'll get better but I can't... Same things I can't say to myself I can't say to you. My experience is that it gets worse, for me at least. From 16, it went downhill, with no sign of stopping anytime soon. Sorry for making it about myself, happy birthday tomorrow, best wishes

 

[LivideLamb]

Happy birthday, Redisblue <3
I really wish the best, a sunny day to perhaps brighten your mood and a peaceful day

 

[Kirov]

I always hated birthdays. It reminds me im going to turn old and decrepit. I have enough shit to worry about

 

[Valky]

Happy Birthday!! (I hope it's okay for me to wish you one nonetheless)

I totally get what you mean. For some reason I am so naive that I still hope and like to believe that this time certain holidays will be better and full of joy. Only to get proven wrong everytime haha.

To be fair, it slowly does get better. It's not a sudden 'everyone is happy and so am I' but I notice that it gets easier and easier each year :)

I hope you can also feel better about your special day. So in that sense, I really hope that you have the best possible day <3

 

[redisblue]

Our situation is crazy similar. Almost same age and everything. I want to say something meaningful but can't... I want to say it'll get better but I can't... Same things I can't say to myself I can't say to you. My experience is that it gets worse, for me at least. From 16, it went downhill, with no sign of stopping anytime soon. Sorry for making it about myself, happy birthday tomorrow, best wishes

Oh woah, same here!! From 16 for me too everything just went even more downhill than it already was. Thanks for sharing your experience and your kind words :) I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering like I am.

Happy birthday, Redisblue <3
I really wish the best, a sunny day to perhaps brighten your mood and a peaceful day

Thank you so much <3

I always hated birthdays. It reminds me im going to turn old and decrepit. I have enough shit to worry about

I'm sorry that you're suffering :(

Happy Birthday!! (I hope it's okay for me to wish you one nonetheless)

I totally get what you mean. For some reason I am so naive that I still hope and like to believe that this time certain holidays will be better and full of joy. Only to get proven wrong everytime haha.

To be fair, it slowly does get better. It's not a sudden 'everyone is happy and so am I' but I notice that it gets easier and easier each year :)

I hope you can also feel better about your special day. So in that sense, I really hope that you have the best possible day <3

Thank you so much!! I understand, deep down I'm always hoping celebrations will be filled with happiness just like how they were years ago, but instead they are usually not. Thank you for your kind words, this gives me joy and hope <3

 

[Caramelized]

It's my birthday tomorrow, in a few hours actually. I'm going to be turning 20 years old. This birthday is just another reminder that I've been here for way too long. I don't want to be 20. I want to be young again and not know about the horrible things that happen on this planet. For the past few years, birthdays have felt draining. Last year was okay, it was quite nice, but I felt physically and emotionally drained after it. I'm in a worse state currently than I was last year, so I'm worried about how it will go. I want to enjoy my birthday, I don't want to think about CTB or self-harm or how shit I feel. I just want to be okay, even for just one day.

Wow, I just turned 20 like 3 weeks ago so heh, I'm the oldest! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

But I age aside, I can definitely understand....this is what I wrote in a SS discord on my birthday while I was bawling my eyes out lol:
"Y'all idk why but birthdays been extra upsetting these past few years. It started with this one birthday I had as like 5 years ago where after I opened my gifts and they took me out to my favorite lil noodle house I just went home and cried and did that dramatic shit where you cry in front of the mirror lol because even though the day was "perfect" I just wasn't happy n that's how its been. It's the same with Christmas, on some cinematic shit again lol I started crying while I was wrapping presents the night before. I'm literally crying because it just makes me feel guilty, like I'm not appreciating what everyone is doing for me or my life. Like there's something wrong with me for not enjoying this stuff anymore. It just makes me realize how happy I used to be for these kind of things as a pea-brained child compared to now where I just want to return to sender. I haven't answered to if I want any gifts or if I want to go somewhere because I just can't be bothered....I would've never thought I'd see my birthdays this way. They used to be so special to me...

This is what I mean when I say that I'm shocked by the age of some users here like if this is how shitty it feels to turn 20 rn....how tf y'all feeling when yall reading those "happy birthday" text messages at 23+!? "


It sucks that it seems like all we can really do is commiserate with each other...I can at least give you Happy late Birthday wishes, though! I hope your cake was super delicious!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

 

[ZM4ever]

It's my birthday tomorrow, in a few hours actually. I'm going to be turning 20 years old. This birthday is just another reminder that I've been here for way too long. I don't want to be 20. I want to be young again and not know about the horrible things that happen on this planet. For the past few years, birthdays have felt draining. Last year was okay, it was quite nice, but I felt physically and emotionally drained after it. I'm in a worse state currently than I was last year, so I'm worried about how it will go. I want to enjoy my birthday, I don't want to think about CTB or self-harm or how shit I feel. I just want to be okay, even for just one day.

I think back on 20, that was 35 years ago... so much shit happened since then. My life was so different, went through so much. Lots of ups and downs.
I'm not remotely the person I was at 20 or even 30 years old.
Guess I'm just saying it's so hard to know where life will lead you.
Good luck to you

 

[Artictart]

I feel the same way
I hope you have a nice birthday, happy birthday <3

 

[OceanBlue]

Sorry you were born, kiddo <3