Venting It's my birthday tomorrow, I feel frustrated

[Pollenallergy]

I wish I knew how to properly encapsulate this feeling of helplessness, of frustration and resentment. I feel dissapointed and tired.

The emptiness of everyday life has gotten more unbearable by the day, and tomorrow's my birthday. My friend seems so exited about it, my mother as well. Yet even if its for them, I just can't force myself to act happy about it at all.

I'm so exhausted of living this godforsaken life, I despise how I still haven't managed to just, catch the bus. Yet my options and opportunities keep passing me by, purchasing SN doesn't seem plausible at this point, and getting my hands on nitrogen for another method is sorta out of the picture,,,for now atleast. My moneys tight at the moment, simply purchasing the ammount needed is difficult. And I still live together with my family, they might find my equipment or even get to the mail before I do. Yet I still have hope for achieving this method in the future. I hope it'll be possible soon.

My birthday feels like a way for the universe to laugh me in the face, for not having managed to fix my life up yet, or for simply still being alive. The train method, altough not the most desirable, is looking like my only option here. But I shall wait and see. I wanna just forget everything and have a good time with my friend tomorrow.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's understandable that your birthday would bring up all kinds of feelings. That's the case for most of us here, and most people in general probably. I hope you have a "good" one and if you can't summon any enthusiasm, maybe it's worth telling your friend and mother that you are just not up for merriness.

 

[William01]

I wish I knew how to properly encapsulate this feeling of helplessness, of frustration and resentment. I feel dissapointed and tired.

The emptiness of everyday life has gotten more unbearable by the day, and tomorrow's my birthday. My friend seems so exited about it, my mother as well. Yet even if its for them, I just can't force myself to act happy about it at all.

I'm so exhausted of living this godforsaken life, I despise how I still haven't managed to just, catch the bus. Yet my options and opportunities keep passing me by, purchasing SN doesn't seem plausible at this point, and getting my hands on nitrogen for another method is sorta out of the picture,,,for now atleast. My moneys tight at the moment, simply purchasing the ammount needed is difficult. And I still live together with my family, they might find my equipment or even get to the mail before I do. Yet I still have hope for achieving this method in the future. I hope it'll be possible soon.

My birthday feels like a way for the universe to laugh me in the face, for not having managed to fix my life up yet, or for simply still being alive. The train method, altough not the most desirable, is looking like my only option here. But I shall wait and see. I wanna just forget everything and have a good time with my friend tomorrow.

I can so relate to this. Birthdays for me personally symbolise another year of failure and brings up the feelings of why haven't I CTB yet. I hate my family bringing it up to me, i actually detest it! Maybe, like I've done before in the past if it's too much for you maybe take yourself away from your family for the day?

 

[CTB Fella]

I like to overdose on my birthday.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would still feel frustrated at still being here, it certainly shouldn't be so difficult for us to cease existing. I hate what birthdays represent which is another year sadly spent trapped here.

 

[blacksand]

birthdays are the worst. I had a shotgun barrel in my mouth last birthday.

 

[murmur]

I feel for your plight, it is just like any other day really but the reminder that your suppose to celebrate this life that you end up not wanting at all, immediately painful, i was so fucking broken in spirit my last birthday, luckily I was alone for it because I could only imagine how surreal it might feel to be around well intended people unknowingly recipricating the opposite sentiment for the day. i hope you can have some enjoyable moments nonetheless GL

 

[Georg]

Happy birthday! I hope you don't have to suffer too long (may you recover or find peace after sweet death)