Venting Its my Anniversary

[your pathologist]

One year ago today i joined SS.
365 days ago i wasnt sleeping more than 2 hours a night
I had moved 1800mi to stay with my parents cuz i couldnt hold a job
I was online here as a guest for the past week before sept 5th researching methods
It would be months before i posted my first reply.
In a time where i felt talking about anything to anyone would be pointless
This community was here for me when everyone else had dropped off
Shoutout to the old shoutbox

How long have you been around?

~pathy

 

[Darkhaven]

Well "happy birthday" to you.
I, myself, only got in on the 20th of May.
However, these few months already teached me a lot of things.
I will probably be around for a quite some time, as i still have some things to do or try to do in life before i'm gone.
Wish you get better!

 

[StillWaiting]

Happy birthday? Not sure if if is right to say fhat. Been here around since April 2018. Lost my first account. So I created another account in July

 

[your pathologist]

Well "happy birthday" to you.
I, myself, only got in on the 20th of May.
However, these few months already teached me a lot of things.
I will probably be around for a quite some time, as i still have some things to do or try to do in life before i'm gone.
Wish you get better!

Were the things you learned here? Or do you just reference your journey through life
I feel the same way about my own life

 

[Darkhaven]

Were the things you learned here? Or do you just reference your journey through life
I feel the same way about my own life

Well first of all i learned that i'm not the only person in the world who has problems. In fact some people have it way worse than i do.
That may seem obvious, but when you live in isolation like i do, everyone i see seems 10000× better than i do.
And then i learned a lot of things regarding suicide and how to do it, that i had no idea.

 

[woxihuanni]

Happy anniversary, I suppose. :) Just a few weeks in and already it's home.

 

[your pathologist]

Happy birthday? Not sure if if is right to say fhat. Been here around since April 2018. Lost my first account. So I created another account in July

Ha. Maybe it is my birthday, im not sure why i put in anniversary.
Perhaps i inwardly and unconsciously referenced my deep obsession with SS when i first came here. I was never not on SS, and it became my only social outlet.
But if its not my birthday it may be to macabre to refer to it as my "deathday" seeing as im still here, and in the reminiscence of some recent deaths in my "social circle"
It doesnt seem appropriate

I have things to ctb if i need to
Like an insurance policy
But im trying to stick it out regardless of my wavering mental health, and memory/cognitive issues
Im hoping to improve the difficulties i have when it comes to feeling like myself anymore, despite positive outlooks latley, i feel more and more upset with my loss of self

And thats why always have this way out
This person i am now is embarrassing and incapable
I wanna run away im so detached from what i constantly put myself through.

I feel like two people

 

[deflagrat]

The time spent here is nothing but a fragment of time wanting to die (more than a decade), I am used to living without purpose. I have learned some new stuff here. Sadly, people come and go, otherwise the forum would be more interesting.

 

[your pathologist]

Well first of all i learned that i'm not the only person in the world who has problems. In fact some people have it way worse than i do.
That may seem obvious, but when you live in isolation like i do, everyone i see seems 10000× better than i do.
And then i learned a lot of things regarding suicide and how to do it, that i had no idea.

I often try to think of "it could be way worse..." and it only gives me reassurance that i should NOT be this upset. I know this, but yet my brain decides that i am suffering immensely. Its like my emotions are low despite anything that happens
But so low i feel drained and even muscularly fatigued due to my emotions...
Its not even that bad i know thats true
I dove into megathreads reading every reply for days when i first joined... its all i wanted to do
Ive had some weird feelings about having friends from here go

 

[Mr2005]

Miss Clefable is dead? And Dani Paradox? And Starcrossedfate? How do you know? Congratulations on surviving I suppose. It's coming up to a year for me although it's actually been a bit longer if you include my old username

 

[your pathologist]

Not starcrossedfate
Dani Paradox is dead. Pine [pineapplecrown/rottingflowerbrains] and leaps said it was so on the discord
Cleffy is dead
A bunch of people are posting goodbyes on her Facebook

 

[Mr2005]

I've been here for a year and I don't know how to send hugs or tears instead of an inappropriate thumbs up

 

[woxihuanni]

I've been here for a year and I don't know how to send hugs or tears instead of an inappropriate thumbs up

You sort of hover over the like button (not press) and it shows you options.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I've been here for a year and I don't know how to send hugs or tears instead of an inappropriate thumbs up

I am having an EPICALLY inappropriate day on SS ... have a thumbs up !
@your pathologist : beat you by four months . Ha

 

[nzdarkshark]

My anniversary was on the 4th. It's kind of crazy to think a year has gone by - to see how much this site has changed over the course of a year.

 

[Donewith_]

Sorry for all the things you faced in this time.
I am at the same spot from over a year i can say. Actually it was more than that..was lurking from some months too..
Sometimes..its hard for me to believe it.

 

[Empty Smile]

Been here since July 13, 2018..

My image is the same, but my mental state is still deteriorating.