its like the universe just wants me to die

[AintNoWayOut]

nonstop, unfixable, debilitating neck and back pain since i was 15 all due to one mistake, making it impossible from that point forward to live a normal life. it couldnt have began at 30 or 40, it had to happen right before my prime years, just to rub in how much im missing out on right in front of my face.

as a result of that and other things, i lead a rather boring and lonely life, not having many avenues or opportunities to live and function like a regular person... i've never even been in a relationship. but one day, i feel pretty confident and take some pictures of myself where i think i look pretty attractive, then make an account on a dating app with a funny bio. all to the sound of 3 likes in three days, and no replies. like what the FUCK am i supposed to do at this point? "put yourself out there bro" sure i'll just ignore the constant hellfire in my own body and manifest people who want to involve themselves with me. im just undeserving of any positive changes in life is what it seems like. or some evil force in the universe is sadistically doing this to me for fun.

and yes, im bitter, im playing victim, im entitled, etc etc. how dare i feel entitled to wanting to feel like a regular human being.

 

[whatevs]

Dating apps aren't for men. Which is devilishly ironic since they outnumber women by a large margin in them lol I can't believe how stressed out I was during the few days I tried one, and I am supposedly somewhat above average in looks, which are almost everything in there.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

Dating apps aren't for men. Which is devilishly ironic since they outnumber women by a large margin in them lol I can't believe how stressed out I was during the few days I tried one, and I am supposedly somewhat above average in looks, which are almost everything in there.

not for most men at least. like 80% or more

but my options in the real world are so limited that i feel like online is my only hope. it'd allow me to open up to someone more comfortably, and give me opportunities to talk to girls i otherwise probably wouldnt meet. but that doesnt work, of course. for us guys who need it the most, we get nothing. and even knowing im not the only one who experiences that, it still hurts my ego. i really feel like theres no escape from my biggest problems.

 

[whatevs]

not for most men at least. like 80% or more

but my options in the real world are so limited that i feel like online is my only hope. it'd allow me to open up to someone more comfortably, and give me opportunities to talk to girls i otherwise probably wouldnt meet. but that doesnt work, of course. for us guys who need it the most, we get nothing. and even knowing im not the only one who experiences that, it still hurts my ego. i really feel like theres no escape from my biggest problems.

I agree with online, but not dating apps. There are many other ways to meet women online. Some people have even met someone in here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that it can be so horrible having to endure a life that you hate, it's all certainly unfair how in this life many people are in circumstances that cause them to suffer a lot. I do personally believe everything in life to be determined by random factors and some people are unfortunately unlucky. But existing can be incredibly depressing, your negative feelings towards life are perfectly understandable.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

I agree with online, but not dating apps. There are many other ways to meet women online. Some people have even met someone in here.

dont know where else i'd look. reddit? lmao the same thing happens that does on dating apps, most guys are just speaking into the void.

most of what i do online is watch youtube videos and chat with a small friend group on discord so i guess i wouldnt know where i could pull that off (dont say discord). ppl will be put off by me for one reason or another. i dont think i'll have the luxury of having some happy love story online like others do, whether its due to bad luck or just people not liking me, idk. plus i'd prefer something in person since its so easy for people to ghost online, which has happened a number of times. so unless i really luck out i'll probably remain in this situation.

 

[whatevs]

I get that it can be so horrible having to endure a life that you hate, it's all certainly unfair how in this life many people are in circumstances that cause them to suffer a lot. I do personally believe everything in life to be determined by random factors and some people are unfortunately unlucky. But existing can be incredibly depressing, your negative feelings towards life are perfectly understandable.

Why do I feel slightly less of an efilist after reading your posts? It's like their generic, word-salady pessimism makes all pessimism look silly.

Thanks!

 

[AintNoWayOut]

I get that it can be so horrible having to endure a life that you hate, it's all certainly unfair how in this life many people are in circumstances that cause them to suffer a lot. I do personally believe everything in life to be determined by random factors and some people are unfortunately unlucky. But existing can be incredibly depressing, your negative feelings towards life are perfectly understandable.

i wouldnt say its all random. i know what caused my pain for example, it didnt spring out of nowhere, nor is it genetic as far as i know. maybe genetics play a part in how severe it is, which would be random. and people born with horrible deformities are bound to have a tough life due to randomness. but i'd rather sum it up as unfairness, since random or not, people end up suffering from conditions they dont deserve or cant control. i do agree that randomness has a large impact on your life though, all starting with our genes which could make us short, tall, ugly, attractive, disabled, able bodied, etc which will all set you down different paths. like someone with a deformity may get bullied... the deformity is random, the bullying isnt, its a cause of the deformity. fix the deformity, fix the bullying (for the most part). i know for a fact my life would improve if i could change a few things, i just cant. also, theres of course things that could happen later in life to change your path, like getting in an accident that paralyzes you. life can be indiscriminately cruel and its hard to cope with when you have the shit end of the stick.