annxietty
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
- Mar 27, 2023
- 150
Putting this on recovery because it definetly fits better here.
So... After months of searching for a job (Ive never worked before) I finally got one! Well... two... Yes, from not having a job and feeling despair because of it, to having not one but two (I can work both because they are not full time jobs) and feeling so nervous Im going to throw up.
I start working tomorrow, is only a 2h shift lol and after that I only work two more days (2 hours too) this week, the other job supposedly I only begin June 1st and its more hours but in the morning, this work I start tomorrow is mainly at night time.
Please wish me luck, Im scared of feeling too much anxiety, big challenges are ahead of me and I need strengh, Im also scared because most definetly they will see my self harm scars (both jobs have uniform and have short sleeves), I will try to cover them with makeup, I will ask my sister for help since I already talked about this issue with her and, aside from feeling dissappointed, she was very encouraging and wants to help me...
Well, Its very weird saying I will be going to work tomorrow, its weird having a life... I know its going to be difficult, I was talking to my dad on the phone and he was saying he didnt hear me being happy about all of this, I answered "I never sound happy", and its true Im so scared of things going wrong (like always) and so scared of living, that I cant be happy about anything, you could give me a thousand euros and I wouldnt sound happy, just worried lol
I want to feel hope, so even if it only lasts for a few days/hours/minutes/seconds, I dont care, Im going to feel it... Please let me feel it.
So... After months of searching for a job (Ive never worked before) I finally got one! Well... two... Yes, from not having a job and feeling despair because of it, to having not one but two (I can work both because they are not full time jobs) and feeling so nervous Im going to throw up.
I start working tomorrow, is only a 2h shift lol and after that I only work two more days (2 hours too) this week, the other job supposedly I only begin June 1st and its more hours but in the morning, this work I start tomorrow is mainly at night time.
Please wish me luck, Im scared of feeling too much anxiety, big challenges are ahead of me and I need strengh, Im also scared because most definetly they will see my self harm scars (both jobs have uniform and have short sleeves), I will try to cover them with makeup, I will ask my sister for help since I already talked about this issue with her and, aside from feeling dissappointed, she was very encouraging and wants to help me...
Well, Its very weird saying I will be going to work tomorrow, its weird having a life... I know its going to be difficult, I was talking to my dad on the phone and he was saying he didnt hear me being happy about all of this, I answered "I never sound happy", and its true Im so scared of things going wrong (like always) and so scared of living, that I cant be happy about anything, you could give me a thousand euros and I wouldnt sound happy, just worried lol
I want to feel hope, so even if it only lasts for a few days/hours/minutes/seconds, I dont care, Im going to feel it... Please let me feel it.