Its getting worst everyday

[ikkii]

Everytime i go to sleep, i dream about her (ex) and my dad was still alive. last night i dream about her, we were celebrating her birthday, we were happy together, our relationship works, and my dad that he was still alive, he was smiling, i can see both of them, i can feel my dad, i can feel her, it feels very real. and then i woke up, reality hits me i became very depressed, i was crying having mental breakdown, im loosing my shit and hope that when i CTB ill be with them forever. i dont know what to say, as i write this thread im overwhelmed with emotion, im crying want to break thing and scream.

My last resort is, asking her if i still have a chance if not, i guess this is it ill CTB by hanging. i already asked her right now as i type this.

ill ctb few weeks or months from now because i dont want people to blame her for my death

edit.

She said No and that she was clear last time. i guess this is it my last resort is gone. ill be planning to CTB this week. and ill update you guys,

 

[Jimblue]

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through all this. Sounds like you really love your ex, but did you ever consider find someone else or give her a bit of space then she may come back to you later?

I wish you feel better anyway.

 

[Everlong]

I know the feeling, Bro. I'm in the wilderness too. She wants a year to see if I can get my shit together. Being in the house listening to the chatter of family then leaving to the quiet. The silence is haunting.
I wish I had the answer fro us both. Just be damn sure.
Time helps too.

 

[SadVegan]

Hope everything goes as planned. I'll try to leave this week, i can't even concede sleep nowadays, constantly waking up because of nightmares, i wake up in cold sweat, just wondering why the fuck im not dead yet, it's so exhausting. Im ugly as shit, so i guess I'll never experience what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone i really care about.
Such is life, just as there are few winners, there are lots of losers.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really is so cruel and painful and this is why the thought of non existence comforts me. It must be so devastating having dreams of what you want but cannot have and I know that it's so dreadful when life just get worse. It's one of the most horrible things about life how there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I wish you freedom.

 

[Jimblue]

I know the feeling, Bro. I'm in the wilderness too. She wants a year to see if I can get my shit together. Being in the house listening to the chatter of family then leaving to the quiet. The silence is haunting.
I wish I had the answer fro us both. Just be damn sure.
Time helps too.

May be take a year to see what's going on? Focus on yourself? This is usually group would advice.

 

[Everlong]

May be take a year to see what's going on? Focus on yourself? This is usually group would advice.

Yep. Watch my moods and swings. I started microdosing psilocybin. I've had suicidal ideation fir 30 years. Been in wards. On endless meds and therapy fir 7 years. Took a ride on shrooms while camping this weekend. Micro'd yesterday and today. I know it's early but I'm very hopeful. Depression is nonexistent and the haunted feelings of persecution, what-ifs, playing the scenarios over and over to the worst case ends…all not there. I can honestly think of others and freedom from self. This shit is where it's at.

 

[ikkii]

Everytime i go to sleep, i dream about her (ex) and my dad was still alive. last night i dream about her, we were celebrating her birthday, we were happy together, our relationship works, and my dad that he was still alive, he was smiling, i can see both of them, i can feel my dad, i can feel her, it feels very real. and then i woke up, reality hits me i became very depressed, i was crying having mental breakdown, im loosing my shit and hope that when i CTB ill be with them forever. i dont know what to say, as i write this thread im overwhelmed with emotion, im crying want to break thing and scream.

My last resort is, asking her if i still have a chance if not, i guess this is it ill CTB by hanging. i already asked her right now as i type this.

ill ctb few weeks or months from now because i dont want people to blame her for my death

She said she was clear last time, she didn't give me a fucking chance man hahahhaha lifes fucking beautiful hahahaahahaaha

Yep. Watch my moods and swings. I started microdosing psilocybin. I've had suicidal ideation fir 30 years. Been in wards. On endless meds and therapy fir 7 years. Took a ride on shrooms while camping this weekend. Micro'd yesterday and today. I know it's early but I'm very hopeful. Depression is nonexistent and the haunted feelings of persecution, what-ifs, playing the scenarios over and over to the worst case ends…all not there. I can honestly think of others and freedom from self. This shit is where it's at.

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through all this. Sounds like you really love your ex, but did you ever consider find someone else or give her a bit of space then she may come back to you later?

I wish you feel better anyway

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through all this. Sounds like you really love your ex, but did you ever consider find someone else or give her a bit of space then she may come back to you later?

I wish you feel better anyway.

when i date someone, i always thinking about her, its just not the same. i dont feel the same love as i feel toward others. it feels empty dating someone

Yep. Watch my moods and swings. I started microdosing psilocybin. I've had suicidal ideation fir 30 years. Been in wards. On endless meds and therapy fir 7 years. Took a ride on shrooms while camping this weekend. Micro'd yesterday and today. I know it's early but I'm very hopeful. Depression is nonexistent and the haunted feelings of persecution, what-ifs, playing the scenarios over and over to the worst case ends…all not there. I can honestly think of others and freedom from self. This shit is where it's at.

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through all this. Sounds like you really love your ex, but did you ever consider find someone else or give her a bit of space then she may come back to you later?

I wish you feel better anyway

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through all this. Sounds like you really love your ex, but did you ever consider find someone else or give her a bit of space then she may come back to you later?

I wish you feel better anyway.

when i date someone, i always thinking about her, its just not the same. i dont feel the same love as i feel toward others. it feels empty dating someone

Hope everything goes as planned. I'll try to leave this week, i can't even concede sleep nowadays, constantly waking up because of nightmares, i wake up in cold sweat, just wondering why the fuck im not dead yet, it's so exhausting. Im ugly as shit, so i guess I'll never experience what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone i really care about.
Such is life, just as there are few winners, there are lots of losers.

she said No and she was clear last time we talk.

 

[Everlong]

She said she was clear last time, she didn't give me a fucking chance man hahahhaha lifes fucking beautiful hahahaahahaaha





when i date someone, i always thinking about her, its just not the same. i dont feel the same love as i feel toward others. it feels empty dating someone





when i date someone, i always thinking about her, its just not the same. i dont feel the same love as i feel toward others. it feels empty dating someone

she said No and she was clear last time we talk.

Mine did too. Epic fuck uo on my part. Time has softened her a bit. Your decision but to me, being sure about CTB means exhausting every last avenue and chance. It's for keeps. No do-overs. That's a sobering thought once to that point. Not just ideation. Staring at the barrel is different. Much different.
I wish you peace no matter how you decide.

 

[Jimblue]

Yep. Watch my moods and swings. I started microdosing psilocybin. I've had suicidal ideation fir 30 years. Been in wards. On endless meds and therapy fir 7 years. Took a ride on shrooms while camping this weekend. Micro'd yesterday and today. I know it's early but I'm very hopeful. Depression is nonexistent and the haunted feelings of persecution, what-ifs, playing the scenarios over and over to the worst case ends…all not there. I can honestly think of others and freedom from self. This shit is where it's at.

I have remember you have bipolar. Did you try Lithium and Valium? Valium only can use for short term but will take depression away. Lithium is able to make people less manic.

Living with bipolar disorder is hard. I guess most be very difficult to deal with all the mood swing and delusion.

Very difficult situation for your wife too.

She said she was clear last time, she didn't give me a fucking chance man hahahhaha lifes fucking beautiful hahahaahahaaha





when i date someone, i always thinking about her, its just not the same. i dont feel the same love as i feel toward others. it feels empty dating someone





when i date someone, i always thinking about her, its just not the same. i dont feel the same love as i feel toward others. it feels empty dating someone

she said No and she was clear last time we talk.

She probably will not take you back if you remain same. But she may change the mind if you changed. This is what relationship consultant usually will advice. And more often you contact her, probably make her leave you quick or complete block you contact.

My husband completely abounded me last year when I was ill and block my number. I still remember the last sentence he said to me in that time was even I feel suicidal, don't contact anyone, it will affect his career. I was too upset, tried to make up, dressed up and went to bar myself. He moved back when he thought I may seeing another man. So my advice would be at least you need to look like better, which can achieve by nicer clothes, hair cut etc, if you really want her back.

 

[Everlong]

I have remember you have bipolar. Did you try Lithium and Valium? Valium only can use for short term but will take depression away. Lithium is able to make people less manic.

Living with bipolar disorder is hard. I guess most be very difficult to deal with all the mood swing and delusion.

Very difficult situation for your wife too.

She probably will not take you back if you remain same. But she may change the mind if you changed. This is what relationship consultant usually will advice. And more often you contact her, probably make her leave you quick or complete block you contact.

My husband completely abounded me last year when I was ill and block my number. I still remember the last sentence he said to me in that time was even I feel suicidal, don't contact anyone, it will affect his career. I was too upset, tried to make up, dressed up and went to bar myself. He moved back when he thought I may seeing another man. So my advice would be at least you need to look like better, which can achieve by nicer clothes, hair cut etc, if you really want her back.

I do have BP. I had some success with Lithium. Had to stop because my psoriatic arthritis gets pretty bad and NSAIDS are off limits with Lithium. Went in seroquel with some success but not the same.
I stopped that this weekend once I tried shrooms. I have a buddy watching me for manic symptoms. I can tell depression myself but my mania can fool me. I start to get reckless and need to ge reeled in. He's known me fir 11 years and I trust him. He's excited as I am so far.

I do have BP. I had some success with Lithium. Had to stop because my psoriatic arthritis gets pretty bad and NSAIDS are off limits with Lithium. Went in seroquel with some success but not the same.
I stopped that this weekend once I tried shrooms. I have a buddy watching me for manic symptoms. I can tell depression myself but my mania can fool me. I start to get reckless and need to ge reeled in. He's known me fir 11 years and I trust him. He's excited as I am so far.

I won't be prescribed benzos anymore because of my history of alcoholism.

 

[peacesleeping4ever]

I'm going through the same shit. My ex broke up with me when his dad died a few months ago and he's still all I think about every second. I dream about him every night. My only two friends have moved away and I'm back home living with my addict mum and brother. I've never felt so isolated and i can't take it anymore. I've already wasted most of my life being depressed and self pitying I'm not living to do the same for the rest of my days to end up in a care home alone. I want to end it all tomorrow. Sorry for imposing on your thread

 

[Jimblue]

I have remember you have bipolar. Did you try Lithium and Valium? Valium only can use for short term but will take depression away. Lithium is able to make people less manic.

Living with bipolar disorder is hard. I guess most be very difficult to deal with all the mood swing and delusion.

Very difficult situation for your wife too.

She probably will not take you back if you remain same. But she may change the mind if you changed. This is what relationship consultant usually will advice. And more often you contact her, probably make her leave you quick or complete block you contact.

I do have BP. I had some success with Lithium. Had to stop because my psoriatic arthritis gets pretty bad and NSAIDS are off limits with Lithium. Went in seroquel with some success but not the same.
I stopped that this weekend once I tried shrooms. I have a buddy watching me for manic symptoms. I can tell depression myself but my mania can fool me. I start to get reckless and need to ge reeled in. He's known me fir 11 years and I trust him. He's excited as I am so far.

I won't be prescribed benzos anymore because of my history of alcoholism.

I am very sorry that you have to go through all these. I don't think people can tell when they were in manic mood. And if you are live by yourself, there is nobody give me medication when you are in manic mood. That's certainly does not help the situations. May be a trust friend can help you at least make sure you will always take the pills. In UK, they say ECT will work for bipolar as well too. I am not sure if ECT will work for my illness but I applied it for years, they don't think I am ill enough to apply.