Venting It’s getting bad again 😁

[gayboy300]

Up and down and up and down and up and down, my emotions go back and forth like a swing.

I started therapy and genuinely made some good progress. Learned to be okay with my body and was generally content with life for a few weeks

The last few days have kicked my ass. I'm back to avoiding mirrors, to hating my body, to barely getting out of bed, to not seeing a future. I can't even ctb with SN because my fat ass can't stop emotionally eating for 8 hours

Next therapy session on Wednesday, let's see if I can make it that far and if things will change again. My therapist knows I'm suicidal and I've been very up-front and open about my plans, the fact that I have all I need to kms and yet she hasn't had me committed. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing

 

[persepexa]

Up and down and up and down and up and down, my emotions go back and forth like a swing.

I started therapy and genuinely made some good progress. Learned to be okay with my body and was generally content with life for a few weeks

The last few days have kicked my ass. I'm back to avoiding mirrors, to hating my body, to barely getting out of bed, to not seeing a future. I can't even ctb with SN because my fat ass can't stop emotionally eating for 8 hours

Next therapy session on Wednesday, let's see if I can make it that far and if things will change again. My therapist knows I'm suicidal and I've been very up-front and open about my plans, the fact that I have all I need to kms and yet she hasn't had me committed. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing

If you don't like your body you can change it. It takes a lot of discipline and hard work but anyone can do it. When COVID hit I decided I was going to transform my body and I did. Not only did I look a lot better but I felt a lot more confident. It's not just about how you look but when you eat healthy and exercise you're sending a subconscious message to yourself that you are worth the time and effort you are putting in. Your body, for most people, is a choice. The way we look is a reflection of the choices we make. If you make healthy choices you look good, if you make unhealthy choices you look bad. I don't just mean what you eat but lifestyle choices matter too. I struggled a lot with body image and for me direct action was what made me feel better. I was unhappy with how I looked so I got up and changed it. I'm not saying it's easy but anyone can do it. I believe in you and I hope things get better.

 

[gayboy300]

If you don't like your body you can change it. It takes a lot of discipline and hard work but anyone can do it. When COVID hit I decided I was going to transform my body and I did. Not only did I look a lot better but I felt a lot more confident. It's not just about how you look but when you eat healthy and exercise you're sending a subconscious message to yourself that you are worth the time and effort you are putting in. Your body, for most people, is a choice. The way we look is a reflection of the choices we make. If you make healthy choices you look good, if you make unhealthy choices you look bad. I don't just mean what you eat but lifestyle choices matter too. I struggled a lot with body image and for me direct action was what made me feel better. I was unhappy with how I looked so I got up and changed it. I'm not saying it's easy but anyone can do it. I believe in you and I hope things get better.

That's the thing, I'm not in bad shape at all. Logically I know that I'm not, but my body dysmorphia fucking kills me. It makes me focus on all the little things and blow things out of proportion, it makes me compare myself to others and steals my happiness. I already eat healthy and exercise frequently, it's just not enough.

This might come off as pretentious, but @fadedghost has seen my body and can vouch for me. It's pure mental illness lolz

I do appreciate the kind words though. Thank you <3

 

[persepexa]

That's the thing, I'm not in bad shape at all. Logically I know that I'm not, but my body dysmorphia fucking kills me. It makes me focus on all the little things and blow things out of proportion, it makes me compare myself to others and steals my happiness. I already eat healthy and exercise frequently, it's just not enough.

This might come off as pretentious, but @fadedghost has seen my body and can vouch for me. It's pure mental illness lolz

I do appreciate the kind words though. Thank you <3

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm not an expert in body dysmorphia so I don't really understand how it feels. I hope things get better for you though. X

 

[Tombadil]

If you don't like your body you can change it. It takes a lot of discipline and hard work but anyone can do it. When COVID hit I decided I was going to transform my body and I did. Not only did I look a lot better but I felt a lot more confident. It's not just about how you look but when you eat healthy and exercise you're sending a subconscious message to yourself that you are worth the time and effort you are putting in. Your body, for most people, is a choice. The way we look is a reflection of the choices we make. If you make healthy choices you look good, if you make unhealthy choices you look bad. I don't just mean what you eat but lifestyle choices matter too. I struggled a lot with body image and for me direct action was what made me feel better. I was unhappy with how I looked so I got up and changed it. I'm not saying it's easy but anyone can do it. I believe in you and I hope things get better.

it is actually incredible what exercise does during depression, especially yoga asanas. I have lasted very long due to that.

 

[persepexa]

it is actually incredible what exercise does during depression, especially yoga asanas. I have lasted very long due to that.

Exercise is a natural antidepressant. When I was younger it really helped with my mental healthy, my self image, my confidence. People underestimate it. They think it's shallow or vain but looking after yourself and making healthy choices can do wonders.

 

[gayboy300]

it is actually incredible what exercise does during depression, especially yoga asanas. I have lasted very long due to that.

I actually made a post about this in the recovery forum some time ago, I strongly believe regular exercise is one of, if not the only reason I've made it as far as I have. Not a bulletproof solution (clearly) but it's definitely helped me a ton over the years.

 

[lpdsvm]

I laugh at my ups and downs as hell because I don't care. My method(s) will work even if it sucks.

 

[fadedghost]

That's the thing, I'm not in bad shape at all. Logically I know that I'm not, but my body dysmorphia fucking kills me. It makes me focus on all the little things and blow things out of proportion, it makes me compare myself to others and steals my happiness. I already eat healthy and exercise frequently, it's just not enough.

This might come off as pretentious, but @fadedghost has seen my body and can vouch for me. It's pure mental illness lolz

I do appreciate the kind words though. Thank you <3

yeah, he's hot (and stopped responding to me also, incidentally, but will randomly name check me in posts apparently). it's total mental illness, like i'd almost say body dysmorphia, but he's really hot, so it sort of seems like almost purely psychotic beyond normal BDD, like he should actually be on anti-psychotics (which ironically would probably make him less hot because people often get less sexy on meds). it's possible it's just OCD and like really terrible, it's either OCD or psychosis, it's like someone looking at a perfectly drawn circle and going "it's not circular enough." He's just crazy. He should probably try taking anti-psychotics to just rule out that it's actually prodromal schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder, and if it's not that, he can try to find ways to treat OCD but that's one of the hardest mental illnesses to treat. I forget if he's already tried treatment, when he started ignoring me I sort of blocked him out of my mind mostly... But yeah, he's being honest about it just being mental illness.

 

[gayboy300]

lol