I was the most beautiful woman and god planned out my face to be ruined before I even got the opportunity. I could have been this famous person but god didn't want it. Because he's racist. He orchestrated everything to lead up to my face disfigured. And now I'm also sick. What a terrible god. Why does god sit back and ruin some people and help others? Why does he have favorites and is racist? Why does he pretend that he's good while he's evil as fk?
your pathologist
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Sep 5, 2018
- 519
It's a lot easier to just realize that shit happens and "god" doesnt go around helping others and cursing others because some people have access to a cushy life and others do not. Some people ride the bus some people get hit by a bus and others cant afford to take it.
cap
Aporia
- Oct 19, 2018
- 48
"I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors/
But I think that god has a sick sense of humor..."
--Depeche Mode
But I think that god has a sick sense of humor..."
--Depeche Mode
worldexploder
Visionary
- Sep 19, 2018
- 2,821
Nature is the destroyer - a brutal machine rigged by the laws of physics to torture all sentient life in ways that no man made system ever could.
How people convince themselves that this machine is benevolent is beyond me. People keep wanting to feed the machine (by procreation) then get shocked by its functionality when something fucks up.
Fuck nature - our only oppressor. The only way to stand up against it is to CTB. Not a god damn social or political revolution will tame it.
How people convince themselves that this machine is benevolent is beyond me. People keep wanting to feed the machine (by procreation) then get shocked by its functionality when something fucks up.
Fuck nature - our only oppressor. The only way to stand up against it is to CTB. Not a god damn social or political revolution will tame it.
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worldexploder
Visionary
- Sep 19, 2018
- 2,821
BurningLights
He killed himself with his own mind
- Jul 2, 2018
- 709
I don't believe in god, but i do believe in a higher power. And that what ever we do in some is meant to be. Ive had a right fucking shit show last few days. Everytime I thought I was gonna go something came up. But after more shit I now believe I am meant to go the way I have planned for. I'm sure that it was leading up this. And that's why I kept being interuppted so to speak.
worldexploder
Visionary
- Sep 19, 2018
- 2,821
I do hear the term "higher power" a lot but I really don't understand what that means. I know the term was first created by AA and the definition is "a power greater then ourselves".
The only higher power that I know exists are the laws of physics and the systems that emerges from it will not be kind to us.
BurningLights
He killed himself with his own mind
- Jul 2, 2018
- 709
I'm guessing your thinking more scientifically than faithfully (?) Not sire if that's the right word. But I hope you get what I mean.
Could you elaborate on this? Why would physics not be kind to us from ctb?
Empty Smile
The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
- Jul 13, 2018
- 1,785
I don't get it. I know people who have it all, every fucking thing, and they are always thanking god for giving it to them.
What the fuck did I do so wrong that I don't deserve the same fucking thing?
P.S. I don't believe in god... But just in case he really does exist, I say fuck you god.
What the fuck did I do so wrong that I don't deserve the same fucking thing?
P.S. I don't believe in god... But just in case he really does exist, I say fuck you god.
I keep finding omens, and it's tough to remember they're all in my head.
I scheduled myself to ctb in April, but about a week beforehand knew I wouldn't. I woke up the morning I was supposed to be dead to find that the swallows --my all-time favorite bird-- had returned from their winter lands. I took this as an omen I had made the right choice. Then life turned infinitely shittier, and shittier, and shittier, over the summer and autumn, and recently I remembered a detail about swallows that I had forgotten: I'm a sailor, and swallows are traditionally believed to carry the souls of sailors across the bar.
It wasn't that I made the right decision not to ctb and was rewarded by having the swallows in my life again, it's that had I followed my plan the swallows would have been there for me.
A month ago I learned that my beloved ex was pregnant by the man she left me for. That has been the final straw for me: there's no way we can again be together. The next day I realized the mainspring on my pocket watch --replaced not even a year before, theoretically sound for many years-- had broken. It will no longer keep running. Omen or chance?
And realistically, it's all bullshit, and I am flailing about seeking meaning in meaningless observations.
But I'm still curious what I'll find on the other side --if anything.
I scheduled myself to ctb in April, but about a week beforehand knew I wouldn't. I woke up the morning I was supposed to be dead to find that the swallows --my all-time favorite bird-- had returned from their winter lands. I took this as an omen I had made the right choice. Then life turned infinitely shittier, and shittier, and shittier, over the summer and autumn, and recently I remembered a detail about swallows that I had forgotten: I'm a sailor, and swallows are traditionally believed to carry the souls of sailors across the bar.
It wasn't that I made the right decision not to ctb and was rewarded by having the swallows in my life again, it's that had I followed my plan the swallows would have been there for me.
A month ago I learned that my beloved ex was pregnant by the man she left me for. That has been the final straw for me: there's no way we can again be together. The next day I realized the mainspring on my pocket watch --replaced not even a year before, theoretically sound for many years-- had broken. It will no longer keep running. Omen or chance?
And realistically, it's all bullshit, and I am flailing about seeking meaning in meaningless observations.
But I'm still curious what I'll find on the other side --if anything.
BurningLights
He killed himself with his own mind
- Jul 2, 2018
- 709
You put this a lot more eloquently than I did, I agree with the omens, or signs that it wasn't my time. After the news I was dreading ( fucked for money) I came across the nn method. And now I believe that this how I was supposed to go. Now, this is right fucking out there, but I will bring doing DMT before I CTB, I somewhat believe on all the stuff about the helper eleven and inverse blah blah blah, ( I wish I could articulate myself better but benzos have fucked my brain)
So what if I was supposed to die, while travelling to the land that most mortals do not see. Maybe I'll be floating in the astral plane for ever. Or maybe it will be just be a fucking strange way to go. Either way. I feel like I have been guided ( through a fucking shit show mind you) to this. I now, for the first time. Truly believe, this is what is meant to happen.
ctoan
Arcanist
- Sep 30, 2018
- 437
what happened to your face?
if it helps you everyone gets ugly over 40..
hell im not even 30 and i get the first wrinkles
if it helps you everyone gets ugly over 40..
hell im not even 30 and i get the first wrinkles
worldexploder
Visionary
- Sep 19, 2018
- 2,821
I meant the laws of physics not being kind to us in general. We live in a brutal biosphere with diseases, a nervous system that brings the pain, natural disasters, mental illnesses, painful deaths. And it's all thanks to nature.
I don't believe in anything supernatural as far as that's concerned.
I was the most beautiful woman and he planned for my face to be disfigured because he's that much of a jealous cunt
ctoan
Arcanist
- Sep 30, 2018
- 437
BlackDragonof1989
Mage
- Jul 12, 2018
- 526
You make him sound like a Greek god....
I don't deny your misfortune, but I don't believe in god (or gods). The universe is random, and doesn't care about us. That's why awful things happen to good/innocent people all the time. Just look at a child's cancer ward in a hospital.
BeHope
Member
- Oct 31, 2018
- 89
I understand how you feel because I felt that way for the longest time.
I was an Anglican Christian and I just couldn't understand why God was so needlessly cruel and why he didn't seem to care that we suffered. I couldn't love such a God, so I abandoned my faith.
Now I personally follow Catharism (Gnosticism) and Buddhism (I think that makes me a religious eclectic :p). Essentially, whilst I believe that a God (or force) did create this world (including us) I don't believe it was out of love or as a test of faith or anything, but rather because this God/force is absolute evil. I believe there is a good God: the God of the immaterial plane. I hope to go there someday, although I won't even know that I'm there when I'm there.
Still, it feels like everyone around me has been brainwashed into thinking that life is some kind of beautiful gift. I'm jealous that they can see it that way, because I certainly can't, nor have I ever been able to. Ignorance is bliss.
I know it's cliche but looks fade and so will we, so don't be too upset.
I was an Anglican Christian and I just couldn't understand why God was so needlessly cruel and why he didn't seem to care that we suffered. I couldn't love such a God, so I abandoned my faith.
Now I personally follow Catharism (Gnosticism) and Buddhism (I think that makes me a religious eclectic :p). Essentially, whilst I believe that a God (or force) did create this world (including us) I don't believe it was out of love or as a test of faith or anything, but rather because this God/force is absolute evil. I believe there is a good God: the God of the immaterial plane. I hope to go there someday, although I won't even know that I'm there when I'm there.
Still, it feels like everyone around me has been brainwashed into thinking that life is some kind of beautiful gift. I'm jealous that they can see it that way, because I certainly can't, nor have I ever been able to. Ignorance is bliss.
I know it's cliche but looks fade and so will we, so don't be too upset.
Un
fortunately ur too correct god is evil cunt. But theres hell after death because that shithead is a sadist! I dont understand how such perverted low life pig was able to create vast majority of humanity thats nothing like him!
Sickofit
Student
- Nov 2, 2018
- 100
Especially with people like ourselves on this website. Why couldnt god help us and make us rich and famous and overall happy? Is it a lottery pick?
Fcancer
Student
- Sep 24, 2018
- 184
Humans are always searching for a reason, to try help them understand why something happened. Truth is shit just happens, and thats life it's just a lottery. If anyone really believes theres some higher power, with all the bad there is in the world..then yea I duno maybe go have a cuppa tea and a lye down.
cap
Aporia
- Oct 19, 2018
- 48
Yes it is! Name is "Orange, red, yellow"
What if we come to this earth life to learn from/about suffering? That's what all people who had nde's and got a change to talk to God have said. They also say we choosed this life and suffering to learn and evolve from it. Our life is also part of God's plan since little unspecial things may make big changes.
I believe that since they have tested ndes by putting writings/pictures on selves that patients read, also blind could see and since I had one. I swear that it felt more real than this life and there is nothing put good things in our real life, home. I couldn't even be sad for my family that I saw crying since there is nothing negative. Just wished they would know to be happy for me that i was home and happier than anyone can be and moved on.
It was accident and I was a kid, no internet then, I had no religious backround, lessons etc., I had never read newspapers etc adult books or things and had not been talked about death before. I had no idea that souls rise, bright life etc before it.
I believe that since they have tested ndes by putting writings/pictures on selves that patients read, also blind could see and since I had one. I swear that it felt more real than this life and there is nothing put good things in our real life, home. I couldn't even be sad for my family that I saw crying since there is nothing negative. Just wished they would know to be happy for me that i was home and happier than anyone can be and moved on.
It was accident and I was a kid, no internet then, I had no religious backround, lessons etc., I had never read newspapers etc adult books or things and had not been talked about death before. I had no idea that souls rise, bright life etc before it.
I meant people who had nde's said that we choose our lives. Not all choose suffering. We are all eternal souls, even those who are kids in earth now are very old. We just forget everything when we born in our earthly life.
It was just pure love, peace and serenity with knowledge of all things and better senses and most of all I remembered it was my home that I have kept longing every day and night for decades after.
It was just pure love, peace and serenity with knowledge of all things and better senses and most of all I remembered it was my home that I have kept longing every day and night for decades after.
