It's decided, I'm going to breakup with my gf soon.

[UnwillingSavior]

I respect her enough to not wait until after my birthday passes so she doesnt waste her money on me. But, my birthday is almost here, so I have to act quickly. My mind feels hot and foggy, I feel sick to my stomach but I cannot stay with her much longer. I can't force myself to do this anymore. I don't want to leave her like this because she depends on me for transportation for various important things (college, errands, etc...), but if I'm gonna ctb anyways then that fact won't change.

How do I leave knowing it'll devastate her more than me, emotionally and situationally? How the hell do I begin trying to save myself afterwards? Why do I care? my mind is racing I'm so scared.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Why do want to end the relationship?
I know you mentioned ctb but this is the recovery section so I wonder if you're really set on ctb. Don't want to influence you, just unsure how to respond because of this being in the recovery section.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

Why do want to end the relationship?
I know you mentioned ctb but this is the recovery section so I wonder if you're really set on ctb. Don't want to influence you, just unsure how to respond because of this being in the recovery section.

I'm sorry I should've specified that I have plans and the equipment to ctb but I'm still thinking I can live? I'm angry, scared and confused I just want peace of mind... I want to be saved so I'm looking for advice here.

I want to end the relationship because I'm tired of being taken for granted. The entire relationship I've only ever tried to be understanding and available. Its not fair her family treats her like garbage but yet she forgives them more easily than she does for me? This is the biggest reason but there's others. I'm just tired of being disrespected and invalidated. Sometimes I feel she understands but then she goes and ruins an entire day or two because I make simple, fixable mistakes. Whilst her older brother will verbally harass her and doesn't provide anything to the house but shes quick to forgive? The other day her mom was caught looking for her debit card, which hasnt been brought up again?! I've bit my tongue and helped her family out situationally and fiscally even many, many times, but she has done nothing for my family!!! Albeit she has no drivers license so how could she? But she could still acknowledge this?

I'm venting, sorry, but at this point I think I'm realizing my depression is only exacerbated by her (but its also because of my family). So, maybe I can be saved if I end things now. Or maybe its fixable and I should hold out? Life is so confusing and awful, I don't know how people go decades with this as the norm for them.

 

[spring vainglory]

don't stay. if you don't feel loved by your person while planning to ctb, having them in your life isnt going to change your mind ever. if anything, i think it should be that their love makes you doubt wanting to ctb. it seems like the opposite is happening here.

if you still have any hope for life, i think leaving the relationship could help make it stronger. you will become so lonely though, so it does all depend on if you can deal with the loneliness.
don't feel bad about not being able to provide things if you're apart, since she already takes so much from you and takes it all for granted. maybe she'll be able to find it somewhere else, but you wont be able to find a will to live with her.

you can't fight someone to value you. i know because ive tried. trying to do that while fighting for the will to live is just torture. dont do it to yourself.
i think there's always a chance you can find someone better, who will be able to save you.
my last relationship really broke me down and destroyed my hope, but now i'm with someone who i've made my entire purpose. i dont know why he puts up with me, i think he's trying to save me. if he is, i think he can.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

don't stay. if you don't feel loved by your person while planning to ctb, having them in your life isnt going to change your mind ever. if anything, i think it should be that their love makes you doubt wanting to ctb. it seems like the opposite is happening here.

if you still have any hope for life, i think leaving the relationship could help make it stronger. you will become so lonely though, so it does all depend on if you can deal with the loneliness.
don't feel bad about not being able to provide things if you're apart, since she already takes so much from you and takes it all for granted. maybe she'll be able to find it somewhere else, but you wont be able to find a will to live with her.

you can't fight someone to value you. i know because ive tried. trying to do that while fighting for the will to live is just torture. dont do it to yourself.
i think there's always a chance you can find someone better, who will be able to save you.
my last relationship really broke me down and destroyed my hope, but now i'm with someone who i've made my entire purpose. i dont know why he puts up with me, i think he's trying to save me. if he is, i think he can.

I really want to emphasize how much it means to me that you took the time to write this out for me. It helps to hear it out loud, especially couple with your own anecdotal trauma. Thank you...

Im just so sad I feel like I even have to do this. I want her in my life but she doesn't make me feel like she wants me back. I feel like she thinks I'm supposed to do these things because her life in general is worse than mine, so I feel extremely selfish for considering this course of action. But I don't think I want to do this anymore. I can't. I wish I could solve all her problems but my mind is crumbling apart and she isnt helping. She deserves happiness, but I can't give up my own for that. Because otherwise, I'm just gonna die anyways.


It feels like a hole has opened in my chest. I know what I need to do but I'm so scared to do it... I'm so, so sad...

 

[spring vainglory]

I really want to emphasize how much it means to me that you took the time to write this out for me. It helps to hear it out loud, especially couple with your own anecdotal trauma. Thank you...

Im just so sad I feel like I even have to do this. I want her in my life but she doesn't make me feel like she wants me back. I feel like she thinks I'm supposed to do these things because her life in general is worse than mine, so I feel extremely selfish for considering this course of action. But I don't think I want to do this anymore. I can't. I wish I could solve all her problems but my mind is crumbling apart and she isnt helping. She deserves happiness, but I can't give up my own for that. Because otherwise, I'm just gonna die anyways.


It feels like a hole has opened in my chest. I know what I need to do but I'm so scared to do it... I'm so, so sad...

i understand, it hurts to let go. i have a really hard time with it too. my last relationship, the one that broke me down, from the start i had to fight him to value me. when it didnt work i started having to fight him just to like me again. i was trying for months and months on someone who had already given up on me. eventually he abandoned me, resented me even despite how much i loved him and how much effort i put into loving him the way he wanted to be loved. even though he never tried to love me the way i needed. he destroyed my hope that i'll ever find someone who can love me the way i need.
i really, really, really hate being alone. i was so afraid of being alone after my last relationship, but i was lucky enough to not have to wait to find not only someone to be with, but someone who actually does give me love in the way i need. someone who seems to want to save me. i hope this brings you some hope.

you're trying to save her, but right now you're the one who needs saving. you can't do both.
i do think pain is relative. her life may be harder, but your life may be ending. it would be a shame if you didnt want your life to end. you might not know for sure if death is for you until you leave her behind. she could be the one dragging you down.
i know the idea of abandoning someone hurts, but if she treats you like she doesn't need you, would you really be abandoning her?
you're not selfish, you're hurting. would a selfish person want to stay with someone who's ungrateful for him just so he could keep taking care of them? to me, you sound extremely generous and selfless. i admire your kindness and devotion. i wish i could give my partner the things you give to yours.

maybe it would make it easier to think of it like, she's not happy or grateful for all that you give her even to your own detriment. that could mean that she wouldnt ever find the happiness she deserves if she's with you anyway?
and then if you're apart there's so much more hope for the both of you. hope that you'll be able to save yourself or find someone else who can save you like you're trying to do for her. or hope that she'll find someone who can manage to care for her and give her a better life, we'll just have to accept that it wont be you.

if you do think you might want to live, i think it would be good to leave her. however if you're sure you dont want to live i personally dont think there's a point in leaving, it would just cause you more pain before you ctb, despite the fact that we ctb to escape the constant pain.