![huntermellow](/data/avatars/l/97/97282.jpg?1723182158)
huntermellow
another bpd death statistic
- Aug 6, 2024
- 136
even tho my ctb date isn't for months, after finally getting sn it all feels too real. i'm scared of what my parents will say and think. i'm crying so hard thinking about how they would react and how my sister would react. i feel like i've been such a bad daughter because i didn't want to be the person my parents wanted me to be because they're extremely religious and wanted me to be traditional like them. i just wanted to be my own person. they never really showed me any affection when i was a child and my family is definitely the reason i developed bpd. they were the reason i developed my self hatred and mental health problems. but i hate the thought of my parents crying over my death. i wish i could've been a better daughter to them but i had to go against their wishes to be able to feel free but i'm still trapped because of who i am as a person. my sister is the only person i'm close to in my family because i'm like her and we both went against our family's wishes. the thought of her crying over my death makes my heart ache. i want to be cremated but cremation is against my family's religion. i want to write in my will that i want my sister to be the executor of my will but i don't want her to get into a huge argument with my family about me wanting to be cremated. i don't want to be a burden to her after death so i'm going to tell her in my scheduled email to her that if it'll be too much trouble for her then she can ignore that request. i kinda want to bring up cremation and burial to her the next time i see her just to see her opinion on it.