I have not been on here long, but it's been a blessing to find so many people who feel like I do. I only wish I had perhaps found this place some years back.
I knew yesterday was going to be my last birthday and that within days I would CTB by the method I had chosen which is an OD along with the helpful plastic bag.
I won't go into details of the drugs I am using but it includes a mix of antidepressants, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, z-drugs and painkillers. I have survived these kind of overdoses in the past, often because I have 'self rescued' but more recently because I have been found outside in the street passed out by the police, I was trying to get to the Motorway bridge.
One of my biggest concerns was having my dad find me dead as I felt it was all too cruel to put him through that. It was a toss up between doing it at home or booking into a cheap hotel, in the end I settled on home but I am sending some delayed emails to two people asking them to call the police, these will be sent some 15 hours after I have taken my cocktail of drugs. Dad won't be an issue because as far as he knows, tomorrow I am meeting a friend so this won't raise his suspicions when I don't call or arrive to see him.
This is the right decision for me, there is little point in asking for help because in this town help is non-existent and I am so tired of being let down by mental health services, it's been 20+ years of hell.
The delayed emails will be sent to both my housing officer and my old CPN so either of those people can raise the alarm and call the police.
All I ask is that you pray I have a swift exit from this shit world I live in, I don't foresee an issue this time given the cocktails of drugs I have, the plastic bag should really help me on my way.
Bless each and every one of you. I will be logging out now and won't opt to log back in but I'll read any replies throughout the day you post.
I knew yesterday was going to be my last birthday and that within days I would CTB by the method I had chosen which is an OD along with the helpful plastic bag.
I won't go into details of the drugs I am using but it includes a mix of antidepressants, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, z-drugs and painkillers. I have survived these kind of overdoses in the past, often because I have 'self rescued' but more recently because I have been found outside in the street passed out by the police, I was trying to get to the Motorway bridge.
One of my biggest concerns was having my dad find me dead as I felt it was all too cruel to put him through that. It was a toss up between doing it at home or booking into a cheap hotel, in the end I settled on home but I am sending some delayed emails to two people asking them to call the police, these will be sent some 15 hours after I have taken my cocktail of drugs. Dad won't be an issue because as far as he knows, tomorrow I am meeting a friend so this won't raise his suspicions when I don't call or arrive to see him.
This is the right decision for me, there is little point in asking for help because in this town help is non-existent and I am so tired of being let down by mental health services, it's been 20+ years of hell.
The delayed emails will be sent to both my housing officer and my old CPN so either of those people can raise the alarm and call the police.
All I ask is that you pray I have a swift exit from this shit world I live in, I don't foresee an issue this time given the cocktails of drugs I have, the plastic bag should really help me on my way.
Bless each and every one of you. I will be logging out now and won't opt to log back in but I'll read any replies throughout the day you post.
