I'll always want to get better and then succumb to my baser instincts and then the cycle starts all over again. I'll always want to get better but this world is so depressing it seems almost immoral to be happy whilst there is so much suffering and unfairness. I'll always want to get better but then it all gets too much, crashes down, and a heaping of trauma and personality disorders really help this. It's been this way for years despite my always wanting to get better. So why not just end it early? It's almost like I was fucked from the start. Yes I have responsibility for my own stuff but then the depressiveness of the world will come creep in, and it almost seems unfair that I would get better over someone else… sorry I'm rambling now but it just goes to show how not content I am with this fundamental unfairness. But then I'll want to get better again and not actually kill myself. I can only hope the afterlife if there is one is better than this and if I do reincarnate I come back stronger.
Also, getting on and off antidepressants repeatedly: what a way to reduce SI as well.
Also, getting on and off antidepressants repeatedly: what a way to reduce SI as well.
