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raybd

Student
Dec 4, 2019
118
I was supposed to go last night, Thursday, India time. Given there's a bunch of bad experiences and dos, I'd rather not be a part of starting Friday afternoon - like now. Everything shaped up adequately all week long. Then suddenly out of nowhere, I suffer a very bad back spasm and can't sit, lie down or do much of anything except stand leaning to one side. With that delaying things and the cascading effect on other things, completely adrift now. It's not enough that years of deteriorating health and work has brought me finally to be ready to go, this freak spasm has me exposed to needless crap not of my making. Don't know when I'll get my exit back on track. Not tonight. For sure. Got some responsibilities a few hours. And I reckon daytimes are out. So ironic. It's health that's making me ago, and suddenly another health thing that's kept me from going.
For those of you too young to know or recall, it's kind of like the old joke they rehashed in Mrs. Doubtfire - a big drinker dies. And they say it's the drink that killed him... didn't fry his liver. He got hit by a liquor truck as he left his pub. "It was quite literally the drink that killed him!"
Sadly, that's a movie, but this painful spasm is very, very real.
 
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O

Oktodiectb

Member
Dec 29, 2025
7
So Sorry for you that you got affected this way hope u achieve your peace soon
 
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Reactions: EmptyBottle
EmptyBottle

EmptyBottle

:3
Apr 10, 2025
1,860
Yeah, sucks big time. First the spasm needs to go. Then I need to go.
would be cool if u can not only fix the spasm but also find the underlying issues that cause the CTB wish... for now, gn from Australia.
 
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raybd

Student
Dec 4, 2019
118
would be cool if u can not only fix the spasm but also find the underlying issues that cause the CTB wish... for now, gn from Australia.
Sadly we are about 20 years of research away from treating my autoimmune condition that causes the deterioration, professional difficulties and all other peril. I don't qualify for Oregon or the Dutch assisted programs as it is a much rarer condition.... not well studied. Held out for years and years... my login here is like 6 years old. But now, it's time to go....
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EmptyBottle
EmptyBottle

EmptyBottle

:3
Apr 10, 2025
1,860
Sadly we are about 20 years of research away from treating my autoimmune condition that causes the deterioration, professional difficulties and all other peril. I don't qualify for Oregon or the Dutch assisted programs as it is a much rarer condition.... not well studied. Held out for years and years... my login here is like 6 years old. But now, it's time to go....
oh... hopefully a breakthru in research occurs soon, tho I understand the wish for peace.
 
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raybd

Student
Dec 4, 2019
118
oh... hopefully a breakthru in research occurs soon, tho I understand the wish for peace.
I made my peace with illness years ago. I just want death with dignity. People just don't get that. Like I was posting yesterday, in India, ending your life under my circumstances (or extreme old age, both) is religiously OK in many religions here. People even make pilgrimages and seek the blessings of elders who go that way. BUT, IT's FRIGGIN' against the law! In the US, it's the opposite. Most Christian denominations and the Orthodox Jewry are against it, but, the law is fine with it. Although excepting 2-3 states, notably Oregon, they won't help you go.
My question is this: You won't help me go? Fine. Now, why don't you fix me, so I can live peacefully?
 

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