It truly doesn’t get better guys.

[Insomniac]

Once you're chronically suicidal once, it's over.

You'll always be suicidal, no matter what. And your life will only get worse and worse.

You'll become more and more resistant to suffering, but the more resistant you get, the more suffering You'll experience. Excruciating pain 24/7 and a deep sense of shame about your own existence.

 

[forgotten15]

I agree with you. Even when I had good days in the past I still thought about suicide. Not overcoming my SI only makes me go through more and more suffering. It's never gonna end until I ctb.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yup that's the truth I am chronically suicidal as well. I'm a goner and very negative because I hate myself and the family I was born to

 

[cyanlove]

Thank you for sharing. I'm getting tired of empty platitudes.

 

[noname223]

Sorry I disagree with you a lot. I think this is factually wrong. I have met people on here who recovered. Some of them had chronic suicidal thoughts. They improved I could name some examples. Though I cannot make a judgement how many people recover or not recover. But stating...

"Once you're chronically suicidal once, it's over."

"You'll always be suicidal, no matter what. And your life will only get worse and worse."

...is simply wrong. That does not apply to everyone. And to be honest it is quite obivous this it does not apply to everyone and you probably know that better. Making this statement is in my opinion immoral because it is factually wrong and it takes the remaining hope of people who are ambivalent about their suicidality.
Telling them there is no hope is really stupid. You can think that about your own life but you should not make that judgment about the lives of people you don't even know.

 

[FuneralCry]

Things will never get better for me. In my case, I know they will only get much worse. I have never wanted to be alive and I never will. It can be dreadful living such a miserable existence. I see no point to continuing my life but I am only still here because it is difficult to exit. I hope to fall asleep and never wake again.

 

[Shu]

Things will never get better for me. In my case, I know they will only get much worse. I have never wanted to be alive and I never will. It can be dreadful living such a miserable existence. I see no point to continuing my life but I am only still here because it is difficult to exit. I hope to fall asleep and never wake again.

You are a beacon of shining light spreading love everywhere.

 

[Interloper]

My issue with it is that they always left out the "... if you put in the effort" part. Had they maybe told me that then instead of now that I am well into adulthood, I would have made an attempt at fixing it. But now I just don't want to put in the effort anymore to make sure it gets better. It's just an absurd amount of constant work and maintenance on top of the already constant work that is life, and your reward at "the end of the tunnel" is... even more work! Fun.

 

[Insomniac]

My issue with it is that they always left out the "... if you put in the effort" part. Had they maybe told me that then instead of now that I am well into adulthood, I would have made an attempt at fixing it. But now I just don't want to put in the effort anymore to make sure it gets better. It's just an absurd amount of constant work and maintenance on top of the already constant work that is life, and your reward at "the end of the tunnel" is... even more work! Fun.

At some point, I was studying really hard and still was unable to get a job for whatever reason.

Sorry I disagree with you a lot. I think this is factually wrong. I have met people on here who recovered. Some of them had chronic suicidal thoughts. They improved I could name some examples. Though I cannot make a judgement how many people recover or not recover. But stating...

"Once you're chronically suicidal once, it's over."

"You'll always be suicidal, no matter what. And your life will only get worse and worse."

...is simply wrong. That does not apply to everyone. And to be honest it is quite obivous this it does not apply to everyone and you probably know that better. Making this statement is in my opinion immoral because it is factually wrong and it takes the remaining hope of people who are ambivalent about their suicidality.
Telling them there is no hope is really stupid. You can think that about your own life but you should not make that judgment about the lives of people you don't even know.

my post was a vent.

 

[Buddha.e.c]

Its almost feels like a dark cloud hanging over you never once do i feel happy just think of ways i might die or ways to CTB are thoughts that race though my mind constantly everyday.

 

[rudebeat]

I'd say usually people don't improve much but it's not impossible. I was one of the most socially awkward kids in my school with a reputation for being the mentally ill kid (I also nearly committed suicide twice), yet somehow by senior year of high school/college I actually became a much more normal person and always had about 5 friends throughout those few years. Then all that ended when I got crippling health issues which have only gotten much worse with time.

I think the main reason I improved socially was just because instead spending all my free time alone playing video games I started watching youtube videos and twitch streams and I unconsciously learned how I acted from there. The timing of when I started having friends and when I didn't directly lines up with when this happened.

The shame from countless bad experiences at school before my senior year of high school never really went away though, it hasn't even really faded with time either.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I'd say usually people don't improve much but it's not impossible. I was one of the most socially awkward kids in my school with a reputation for being the mentally ill kid (I also nearly committed suicide twice), yet somehow by senior year of high school/college I actually became a much more normal person and always had about 5 friends throughout those few years. Then all that ended when I got crippling health issues which have only gotten much worse with time.

I think the main reason I improved socially was just because instead spending all my free time alone playing video games I started watching youtube videos and twitch streams and I unconsciously learned how I acted from there. The timing of when I started having friends and when I didn't directly lines up with when this happened.

The shame from countless bad experiences at school before my senior year of high school never really went away though, it hasn't even really faded with time either.

Life improved for me big time after school.

School is just creepy. What a night mare

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

100% truth for me. Only few people can realise that you can actually be suicidal and still carry on somehow like a broken record for years and years. You can maintain an imposter persona for the outside world because you cannot discuss this with anyone. Somehow you also have to work and study as much as it is required to avoid further sufferings while always having a secret death wish. Your suicidal consciousness doesn't go anywhere but is then a part of your existence. It also limits one's ability to do planning for the future,have ambitious goal,follow dreams or adventures or maybe enjoying certain things. Finally reaches a limit where even your existence cannot take it anymore and ctb is not an option anymore.

 

[Sakura94]

i know

 

[meetapple]

My parents are doctors so I have always been encouraged to take a problem solving approach towards my problems. However, after many years of living with this illness I haven't progressed or just haven't progressed enough to make life happy.

 

[Of The Universe]

Once you're chronically suicidal once, it's over.

You'll always be suicidal, no matter what. And your life will only get worse and worse.

You'll become more and more resistant to suffering, but the more resistant you get, the more suffering You'll experience. Excruciating pain 24/7 and a deep sense of shame about your own existence.

Elliot Rodgers is your avatar??

 

[myopybyproxy]

You are a beacon of shining light spreading love everywhere.

is this sarcastic? genuinely can't tell

 

[Crazy4u]

Elliot Rodgers is your avatar??

I googled Elliot Rodgers for the first time. oh my Gosh. I'm going to be curious about the avatar choice FOREVER. The OP is a young lady

 

[WearyHSP]

I strongly disagree.

I've been suicidal since the age of seven due extreme trauma.
Suicide has come up at times throughout my life as a result of circumstances - when the circumstances resolved, life was sort of worth living. I mean, the trauma was always running on the back-end and pretty much ruining my life, but I wasn't always actively suicidal. I had some good times, achieved a lot and definitely felt hope.

Now that I'm old and well past two decades into a chronic, untreatable illness, I'm 99% sure that's it for me. Because my circumstances won't be changing at this point - my world continues to get smaller and doors only close, they never open.

I believe, if not for the childhood trauma and patterns that repeated despite my hard work to unravel them, that my life could have improved. Hope is a very powerful agent of change.

I made healing from the trauma my main objective for almost 4O years. Unfortunately I'm almost 60 and I've tried everything a single person, who is alone and disabled and poor can do. No more doors are opening for me. So from now on, yes, it's not going to get bettter. But that wasn't always the case.

I googled Elliot Rodgers for the first time. oh my Gosh. I'm going to be curious about the avatar choice FOREVER.

Yikes.

 

[Messgram]

Death is a gift

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

I keep waiting for evidence that it will but it's been decades now...