Dusk till dawn
Student
- Sep 7, 2018
- 145
So my birthday is soon, it's after around a month from now, last time i did something similar i was 15 year old, far younger than my current self
At the age of 15, i had to face myself, my survival instincts, my biological design, and finally, all the guilt and emotions for leaving my parents, i defeated my survival instincts and was ready to off myself, to just make that a quiet silent night where i probably won't be found until 2 weeks, i overcome the barrier of survival instinct, all that is left is to hang myself, and that's it, i survived a well-planned serious full hanging attempt, that attempt was no joke and preparing for months, planning, practising, searching for a perfect place to hang myself, i executed everything perfectly, the rope was strong, the place i set up everything for my hanging was supposedly perfect
Dispute overcoming all the hurdles in my way, and reaching a place where i can kill myself via hanging, and having the courage to do it, i survived due to unforeseen events at the cost of some of my left hand nerves
Drastic times calls for drastic measures, i still hold trauma from my previous failed suicide attempt although it's been years, this time there's even more pressure on me due to my trauma, but i plan to end it all, whether be it by jumping off a bridge, hanging myself, throwing myself in the way of a train, it doesn't matter, once it's my birthday i'll be in a mental state where i'm ready to do anything to die, my birthday is my deadline, i don't have a clear plan yet, but i'll be doing everything in my capacity to make sure i'll be dead before my birthday ends even if it means i'll have to face my trauma, i'll probably just throw myself off a high building, i'll make sure i won't repeat the same mistake i did when i was 15 year old
At the age of 15, i had to face myself, my survival instincts, my biological design, and finally, all the guilt and emotions for leaving my parents, i defeated my survival instincts and was ready to off myself, to just make that a quiet silent night where i probably won't be found until 2 weeks, i overcome the barrier of survival instinct, all that is left is to hang myself, and that's it, i survived a well-planned serious full hanging attempt, that attempt was no joke and preparing for months, planning, practising, searching for a perfect place to hang myself, i executed everything perfectly, the rope was strong, the place i set up everything for my hanging was supposedly perfect
Dispute overcoming all the hurdles in my way, and reaching a place where i can kill myself via hanging, and having the courage to do it, i survived due to unforeseen events at the cost of some of my left hand nerves
The aftermath of my survival
- I was abused by my cousins to just tell them what happened to me and how i did come in a miserable state with dirty clothes at late sunrise and how there's bruises on me everywhere, they threatened to report me to the police and such
- I asked a pharmacist if they sell pentobarbital, my cousins caught me, we got into a fight and i was defeated then forcefully detained in a hospital due to suspicions of overdosing on ibuprofen (apparently the pharmacist is uneducated and doesn't know nembutal exists, he only recognised phenobarbital not pentobarbital, as for the other thing i asked was for pain relievers, ibuprofen, i didn't even buy it)
- When i was detained in the hospital i kept cutting the IV's in my body which always led to blood loss, overall i made sure my existence in that hospital is as nightmarish as possible for everyone, i was free to go after 2 days
What i plan to do this time
Drastic times calls for drastic measures, i still hold trauma from my previous failed suicide attempt although it's been years, this time there's even more pressure on me due to my trauma, but i plan to end it all, whether be it by jumping off a bridge, hanging myself, throwing myself in the way of a train, it doesn't matter, once it's my birthday i'll be in a mental state where i'm ready to do anything to die, my birthday is my deadline, i don't have a clear plan yet, but i'll be doing everything in my capacity to make sure i'll be dead before my birthday ends even if it means i'll have to face my trauma, i'll probably just throw myself off a high building, i'll make sure i won't repeat the same mistake i did when i was 15 year old
