It scares me how much of your life depends on your parents and chance

[SweetSpot086]

First comes the biological inheritance, your physical characteristics depends on your parents.

Then, there are things we inherit from the environment that parents create like (nutrition, health, religion, education etc)

I read about the 3 C's of Life. Chance, Choice and Change. In my own personal experience, I believe both Choice and Change, ultimately depend on Chance. We dont Choose Parents, and we cant Change them. So, it basically is just Totally based on Chance.

Its like the Universe, a slight change in physical parameters would have resulted in a totally different Universe. A slight change in any of the factors involved in your birth and upbringing, would result in a totally different you.

This thought scares me. I am totally at the mercy of Chance, and I dont know how to cope with this and it scares me what my life would or could have been and what it will be in the future.

 

[dospi1]

I may sound like a prententious fag, but i find my answer in philosophy, theres a lot of perspective over the same question thatnow bothers you, my take is that we need to let go of the idea of agency, the tao belive that live is like a current of a river, you may try to go againt it but youll never succed on it, suffering comes from the idea that you can change anything but yourself, you cards where chosed long before any of us where born, the best we can do is go along the great current of the universe

 

[Onkyo74893]

I also take comfort in philosophy. But there has always been a great debate between nature and nuture. I felt no emotion but fear from my father when I was a child. When my mom left him, with me and my siblings, the only emotion I felt was relief. I was nothing but afraid of him. In my teen years, I became a belligerant juvenile deliquent. Engaged in a lot of petty theft, vandalism. Along with the peer group I fell in with. Drugs and drinking too of course. How much of how I turned out can I relate to childhood trauma at the hands of my father, versus could I have been a better kid had I a better sense of right and wrong? I don't think anyone can say for certain, kids react to childhood trauma in a multitude of different ways.

 

[motel rooms]

This thought scares me. I am totally at the mercy of Chance, and I dont know how to cope with this and it scares me what my life would or could have been and what it will be in the future.

Is that fear really your main problem in life?

 

[SweetSpot086]

I also take comfort in philosophy. But there has always been a great debate between nature and nuture. I felt no emotion but fear from my father when I was a child. When my mom left him, with me and my siblings, the only emotion I felt was relief. I was nothing but afraid of him. In my teen years, I became a belligerant juvenile deliquent. Engaged in a lot of petty theft, vandalism. Along with the peer group I fell in with. Drugs and drinking too of course. How much of how I turned out can I relate to childhood trauma at the hands of my father, versus could I have been a better kid had I a better sense of right and wrong? I don't think anyone can say for certain, kids react to childhood trauma in a multitude of different ways.

Do you think sense of right and wrong is nature and not nurture? I dont think anyone is born with that sense, they learn and observe.

Is that fear really your main problem in life?

Its not the only problem, but, it does bother me a lot. And, the nature of this problem is that it cant be addressed. So, I lack the ability to cope with it.

 

[waitingforrest]

I feel like you really have a point. Personally in my experience, the things that fuck up my life are out of my control. Since my parents only taught me to fuck up, I mess my life up even more.

I really wish people stop judging others on things that they literally cannot change. We all somehow manage to find fault with others, sometimes not even realizing that they are just like us. But just because I dislike that part of humanity doesn't mean it's something I don't do. I make judgements all the time, I'm just a disillusioned idealist still, somehow.

I think that it is nice to think that people could be able to pull themselves out of adversity. That what they are born with does not define them. I read stories like that all the time on the news, people that defy expectations. But what I never read about are the people that aren't able to get better. I have been told time and time again that if I just try a bit harder then everything will turn out okay.

I know I have been dealt a shitty hand in life. I played the best I could, but I know that there really are some things I cannot do. I spendt all my life following others decisions, but I just want to make my own choice for once, to stop playing this game.

Sorry if I'm incoherent, meds are starting to kick in. I feel like I am at the mercy of chance too. I guess that is why ctb seems so appealing, no more luck needed. But that's just my opinion.

 

[motel rooms]

Its not the only problem, but, it does bother me a lot. And, the nature of this problem is that it cant be addressed. So, I lack the ability to cope with it.

But we're all "totally at the mercy of Chance". Doesn't being aware of that fact help you cope?

 

[SweetSpot086]

@hotelbeneathground @waitingforrest

I think, it's the opposite, for me at least. If you are unaware of something, you dont have to cope with it.

People who think they made it, I think they just got lucky. Now, I am not envious or jealous. I am way beyond that. I am successful in some ways and unsuccessful in others. Its not about putting in work, I am sure, everyone puts in work according to their circumstances, those exceptional stories are well exceptions, they are not the norm.

I dont know, really...Its hard to wrap my head around this, let alone cope with it.

 

[9BBN]

But we're all "totally at the mercy of Chance". Doesn't being aware of that fact help you cope?

The bottom-line is that it's probably a deep-seated fear, perhaps irrationally exaggerated, that stems from trauma. I could be projecting. I'm deeply afraid of religion because I see how destructive it is despite its appearance. But I suppose you could reply to me and say "now that you know your old religion is wrong, doesn't it comfort you that you know better now?" Of course it does, but the fear comes from how easily my loved ones and I were blindsided. Propaganda is scary even if you learn the truth. Chance is still scary even if you tried your best.

I think, in general, when people are unaware of something that strongly influences their life, it takes some coping to get used to recognizing it. Even if recognizing it theoretically negates its effect.

 

[SweetSpot086]

The bottom-line is that it's probably a deep-seated fear, perhaps irrationally exaggerated, that stems from trauma. I could be projecting. I'm deeply afraid of religion because I see how destructive it is despite its appearance. But I suppose you could reply to me and say "now that you know your old religion is wrong, doesn't it comfort you that you know better now?" Of course it does, but the fear comes from how easily my loved ones and I were blindsided. Propaganda is scary even if you learn the truth. Chance is still scary even if you tried your best.

I think, in general, when people are unaware of something that strongly influences their life, it takes some coping to get used to recognizing it. Even if recognizing it theoretically negates its effect.

This is very well put.

 

[Lurker]

First comes the biological inheritance, your physical characteristics depends on your parents.

Then, there are things we inherit from the environment that parents create like (nutrition, health, religion, education etc)

I read about the 3 C's of Life. Chance, Choice and Change. In my own personal experience, I believe both Choice and Change, ultimately depend on Chance. We dont Choose Parents, and we cant Change them. So, it basically is just Totally based on Chance.

Its like the Universe, a slight change in physical parameters would have resulted in a totally different Universe. A slight change in any of the factors involved in your birth and upbringing, would result in a totally different you.

This thought scares me. I am totally at the mercy of Chance, and I dont know how to cope with this and it scares me what my life would or could have been and what it will be in the future.

I also struggle with this too. Sometimes, I think about how things could have turned out better if things in the past didn't happen the way they did. Personally, I cope by reminding myself that I can't change what happened in the past, so I try not to think about what life could have been. Or I try to not think about it so I'm not hyperaware about it. The future scares me though, but similar to what @dospi1 wrote, I mean, fuck it. If something bad happens, it is what it is right? What can you do about it except go along? I also like how @9BBN put it. It sucks to think about.

 

[Ashu]

All is fate and circumstance, freedom and choice are a myth. So people should be comforted and managed, without judgement.

I may sound like a prententious fag, but i find my answer in philosophy, theres a lot of perspective over the same question thatnow bothers you, my take is that we need to let go of the idea of agency, the tao belive that live is like a current of a river, you may try to go againt it but youll never succed on it, suffering comes from the idea that you can change anything but yourself, you cards where chosed long before any of us where born, the best we can do is go along the great current of the universe

Right on.

This thought scares me. I am totally at the mercy of Chance, and I dont know how to cope with this and it scares me what my life would or could have been and what it will be in the future.

With a little change of perspective, this insight could be the most liberating one you'll ever have. Of course, whether or not you'll be capable of making that change depends on the inscrutable infinity of chances that has determined what you are.

 

[motel rooms]

The bottom-line is that it's probably a deep-seated fear, perhaps irrationally exaggerated, that stems from trauma.

Some kind of psychological trauma or biologically-based disorder is always the primary problem. "Philosophical fears" are a secondary issue stemming from it. They can be horrible & the person tortured by them often isn't aware or forgets that they aren't their main problem.

 

[9BBN]

Some kind of psychological trauma or biologically-based disorder is always the primary problem. "Philosophical fears" are a secondary issue stemming from it. They can be horrible & the person tortured by them often isn't aware or forgets that they aren't their main problem.

Absolutely. And the "philosophical fear" is often all we can convey. So people who don't share a trauma usually can't relate.

 

[Ashu]

Some kind of psychological trauma or biologically-based disorder is always the primary problem. "Philosophical fears" are a secondary issue stemming from it. They can be horrible & the person tortured by them often isn't aware or forgets that they aren't their main problem.

For that matter, all that we perceive as causation is illusion, and all reasoning is rationalization, for all of humanity, not just for people who supposedly suffer from this chimera of "mental illness", which conveniently restricts the invalidation to socially proscribed mental states.

 

[summers]

@SweetSpot086 it doesn't make sense to be afraid of the same situation literally every living thing is in. If it only affected you, that would be understandable. Think about it like this - we all start somewhere - that's the chance part. Where you go from there is up to you.

 

[Sherri]

Each day more and more people are returning to their parents house, even their grandparent. Some because they are sick, others because the wages are so low, that they can't afford a house on their own anymore. At least they have a roof. But when parents die, I can't imagine what us going to happen. Some countries offer more help than others. I've seen government assisted housing in the USA with amazing little flats for 480 dollars. Not where I live, not a chance.