Основной язык-английский. Я американец, но меня интересовали Россия и ее культура. В университете я нашел способность к языкам и выбрал русский своей специализацей. Ну, я не знал, что личное изучение намного лучше, чем тратить время на занятиях.
Я жил много лет с родителями, но теперь я "свободен" от этой ситуации. Жизнь у меня как-то улучшилась? У меня еще нет ответа. На мой взгляд личность--тюрьма, которую человеку нельзя избегать.
Вообще я терплю обыденную монотонность, но иногда восходит у меня вспышка глубокого недовольства. Я удивляюсь, что в таком настроении не покончил со собой.
Вот фраза: "Я сплю или нет? Если я вижу свой нос - " Я неправильно подумал эту из "Носа". Shows how much I know Russian literature!
It sounds like the Slavic world has the same attitude about suicide that America does. Maybe it is just a societal defense mechanism--no society wants people choosing to leave: why decrease tax revenue this way? So reasons are developed to avoid people "irresponsibly" abandoning their earthly duties: religious, philosophical, and now medical/psychological. I doubt that anyone who comes up with these reasons is really aware why they do it--it's just a subconscious, convenient defense. People are sociologically trained to feel that suicide is somehow "bad" and taints a person--in the old days, in many cultures you couldn't even get a burial if you did it. Maybe it's primate biology.
I was going to say something else, but forgot. С того, что я был подростком в депрессии, у меня нет чуткой памяти.
Oh, что-то про зону комфорта. For me it has always been a form of inertia. Many people live this way. It's almost the human condition, except for rare adventurous people. I think being depressed and dissatisfied with my personality and condition just became what I was used to. I don't know yet how to do anything else anyway.
I think that mixture of theory and practice can offer good results but I can't be bothered with structural, планомерный approach. Хаха, я давно мечтал поговорить с кем-то, смешивая два языка в единую субстанцию. Спасибо :) Мне нравится как ты пишешь на русском языке, но с английским синтаксом. (Надеюсь я не ошибся в подборе слова.) И ты наверное лучше знаком с русской литературой; I haven't read much literature за свою жизнь.
Да, к суициду здесь относятся с той же неприязнью, but we have more prevalent platitudes like "hard work will cleanse you from your whining", "you're an imbecile/idiot/долбоёб/слабоумный", "don't be silly/stop saying nonsense" и тому подобное. And no bullshit with hotlines, or that you're inherently not alone. Меня тоже поражают эти seemingly irrational защиты, словно ценность жизни превыше всякой критики. The reasons differ from person to person. I'm not communicating much with people. Самые распространённые из встреченных мною:
- анти-суицидальные религии, Xianity and the like;
- приравнивание суицидников к слабоумным, а значит неспособными мыслить здраво;
- психологическая манипуляция (guild trip, scaremongering, gaslighting, unreasonable comparisons, etc.)
I used to be open about it but figured out it's useless. If the person isn't considering suicide as plausible alternative, then there is nothing to discuss here.
Но можно сделать им подлянку (fuck them over) -- to ask thought-provoking questions. Is life always worth living? Если тебе не нравится твоя работа, твоё положение в жизни, то почему бы не убить себя? Do you have any goals in life? Why are you still here?
Ну ты понимаешь, посеять зёрна сомнения в их одурманенных головах. The difficulty of this topic is that there is no saving throw against considering suicide. Deflection seems to work, thinking about something else, coming up with rationalizations about why you shouldn't consider suicide as viable alternative. Но это игра в одни ворота, and the best strategy is to avoid the game, to not participate. Так что вот так, only to irritate others, lol. Maybe after a year or two they will be miserable too. Honestly I would like to see it spread. Every person afflicted is another person that won't bullshit me anymore.
Feel free to forget & recall, embrace the chaos :)
Oh, что-то про зону комфорта. For me it has always been a form of inertia. Many people live this way. It's almost the human condition, except for rare adventurous people. I think being depressed and dissatisfied with my personality and condition just became what I was used to. I don't know yet how to do anything else anyway.
I have a little theory about comfort zone. Those rare individuals are people with high cognitive power, which allows them to maintain basic functioning while exploring new areas. Imagine two computers, one with 8GB RAM and another with 9GB RAM. This may not sound like a huge difference from the first glance.
Let's say, daily functioning programs of computer #1 require 7,8 GB RAM. More powerful computer would make better, more efficient programs, so another would have like 7,5GB RAM of daily functioning programs. Now, first one has
500200MB free space and second one has 1500MB. This one is used for exploring, changing habits. Some people with feeble cognitive power simply don't have the capacity for an adventure, something that high-functioning individuals обычно упускают из виду. Some don't have the capacity to consider suicide until like 40 years old, or later. Не находишь ли ты странным, что исследовательские виды деятельности (non-routine, brainpower-demanding), такие как адвокат, учёный, изобретатель, писатель, or anything from
here (the first two paragraphs give a good brief overview) --- это виды деятельности, occupied by people with high IQ quotient? Because adventurism is the part and parcel in these kind of spheres.
That's one of the main reasons I want to die. Я чувствую, что мне не повезло с мозгами. Не достаточно повезло...
My advice here would be to free as much space as you can, I guess. Meditation helps a bit, although I call it Stillness because that's how it feels to me.
I think of stillness as a method to stop dizziness. Imagine you're крутишься очень быстро по кругу; окружение, естественно, размытое, и ничего не видно. But once you stop, you have a chance to look around and see things more clearly. Same with brain and our processes. Stillness allows us to free some space and presumably help with adventures.
