Venting It never feels enough

[graysme]

I have a normal life. I'm following the path society always told me to follow. At the moment I can be considered a normal person, neither terrible nor fantastic. Yet jt just feels like shit. I thought growing up would set me free, but nothing really changed. I carry with myself that feeling I've had since I was 14, with the difference that most of the time my mind is now busy thinking about being a "functioning member of society".

 

[ginko0]

I share part of that feeling. I could never feel really proud or happy for any achievements in regards to college or work, cuz deep inside me I knew it wasn't something I chose, it wasn't something I wanted. It was just me being what I SHOULD be, instead of what I WANTED to be.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel similarly. I tried multiple paths in life to feel like a 'proper' adult. Working part time while freelancing in the 'career' I wanted. Working full time to save money. Pursuing my dreams outright as a freelancer. Even doing Head of Department jobs, thinking the title and salary would make me feel accomplished. None of it really worked.

I finally realised that probably all this stuff we're 'supposed' to chase likely won't make me happy. It wasn't only ideation lingering with me. It was also guilt about not being a 'successful enough' member of society. My upbringing lumbered me with a strong work ethic. I'm sick of being a slave to all this shit.

 

[Exhausted-and-Alone]

As a kid you look towards your teenage years, thinking it'll all be amazing once you get to be 16, you'll be free to be who you want to be (if you even know who that is). Especially as you're conditioned to think that your job or productivity in life will be one of the main things that'll bring you joy.

Once you turn 16, you look towards 18, when you can move out and be your own person, or when you can discover yourself in college.

Once 18, you think you'll finally be happy at 21-22, once college is over and you get more of a handle on adulthood. You'll establish yourself in your career, you'll be a regular, functioning member of society, who you always wanted to be right?

I'm fairly young now, I'm only 23. I've hit every milestone that I've mentioned but it's… not exciting. It's not an achievement.

I think that may be just because we have it wrong. A lot of us grew up believing, falsely, that our happiness would be tied to a W-2 and that's largely because our society demanded it to be that way. I'm sorry but that's not happiness, at least not for many of us.

The saddest part is when you know what would make you happy, but living like that would cost you more than you can afford to lose. I hope one day you can live as you want to be, not who anyone else wants you to be.