It may be the perfect time

[livingdeadme]

I've been actively suicidal for about 10 years. I've made a pill attempt (didnt research first, so it just made me sick), I've opened my wrist a couple times (my dad found me in time), most recently I tried a hanging and the bar fell.

I'm newly married, so that's been holding me back a bit, he had a long term girlfriend that passed of cancer a few years ago, and I hate the thought of him grieving again, but i need to leave.

So I'm currently out of state visiting a friend, and we're house sitting. After some research, I have what I need to do the job. I imagine driving my car to the pier, taking the bottle and watching the waves as I ctb.

 

[Soul]

What's in the bottle, if you don't mind saying? And where will your husband be? Maybe I'm missing something but it sounds likely he'd notice you're gone and find you before you die.
I respect whatever decision you make but wouldn't want you to end up in a worse situation.

 

[Lara Francis]

I've been actively suicidal for about 10 years. I've made a pill attempt (didnt research first, so it just made me sick), I've opened my wrist a couple times (my dad found me in time), most recently I tried a hanging and the bar fell.

I'm newly married, so that's been holding me back a bit, he had a long term girlfriend that passed of cancer a few years ago, and I hate the thought of him grieving again, but i need to leave.

So I'm currently out of state visiting a friend, and we're house sitting. After some research, I have what I need to do the job. I imagine driving my car to the pier, taking the bottle and watching the waves as I ctb.

Sounds peaceful.I wish you well x

 

[Person]

I'm not going to judge you, after all, I'm here on this forum as well, so I'm obviously planning to ctb.
However, I have very recently lost my husband. He died suddenly. And it really fucked me over. Not just grief-wise.
I had to reapply for single tenancy so I could stay living in our house. I had to phone several different companies and cancel all his memberships/direct debits.
I've had companies after me for money because he still owed on his motorbike
I've had to give up my job to care for our children and go on benefits which I've never had in all my life.

You seem like a really wonderful person, who loves their husband and doesn't want to cause pain but can't cope any more.
All I would say is marriage is also a legal contract. Make everything as easy for your husband as you can.
Cancel your phone contract, your gym membership, whatever. Try to pay off any debts ect
If you're leaving a note, perhaps include your funeral wishes, as arranging this will also fall to your husband, as he is your next of kin.

I didn't actually realise how much there is to sort after the death of a spouse until I had to sort it all myself.
I hope you find the peace you seek, and I'm so sorry you feel this way in the first place

 

[Lara Francis]

I'm not going to judge you, after all, I'm here on this forum as well, so I'm obviously planning to ctb.
However, I have very recently lost my husband. He died suddenly. And it really fucked me over. Not just grief-wise.
I had to reapply for single tenancy so I could stay living in our house. I had to phone several different companies and cancel all his memberships/direct debits.
I've had companies after me for money because he still owed on his motorbike
I've had to give up my job to care for our children and go on benefits which I've never had in all my life.

You seem like a really wonderful person, who loves their husband and doesn't want to cause pain but can't cope any more.
All I would say is marriage is also a legal contract. Make everything as easy for your husband as you can.
Cancel your phone contract, your gym membership, whatever. Try to pay off any debts ect
If you're leaving a note, perhaps include your funeral wishes, as arranging this will also fall to your husband, as he is your next of kin.

I didn't actually realise how much there is to sort after the death of a spouse until I had to sort it all myself.
I hope you find the peace you seek, and I'm so sorry you feel this way in the first place

I am so sorry for your loss @ Person.
I lost my husband suddenly too and know how difficult things can be x

 

[Person]

I am so sorry for your loss @ Person.
I lost my husband suddenly too and know how difficult things can be x

Thank you so much. Life sucks, I'm sorry you've suffered the same x