DetachedDreamer97
Enlightened
- Mar 17, 2018
- 1,402
It's been 6 years since I became suicidal, and I mean DEADASS suicidal. I skipped the subreddits (r/depression and r/suicidewatch) amd went straight for finding a subreddit that talks about suicide in a different light for the purpose of being able to express my desires and receive validation rather than platitudes, as well as gaining Intel on methods. And while I wasn't able to discuss methods on r/sanctionedsuicide, that's where 8chan /suicide/ tips & tricks came in. After some time of searching for the perfect method with the limited money I had at the time, I found my method and that was that.
Regarding the suicide community, I no longer felt alone and soon enough, that sorta was the beginning of my crusade. There were people like me, going through all sorts of ordeals that came with life. Some had their philosophies which I've adopted after learning about them. And I suppose over time, I started going through some character development. But it wasn't just the suicide community, but it was also my obsession with the method. I'd keep working on my yew tincture, gaining Intel and learning about how to better craft the tincture. I'd soon find a community on discord which from there, I made friends with more suicidals, which over the years, I've regained the qualities I've lost since high school. Genuine empathy, and the ability to console people, and hope. I could go on, but as of now, my thoughts aren't quite fully developed. But to sum it up, I think I'm starting to realize my purpose in life. And it's a path that's likely never been taken before: suicide.
I wanted to die for quite some time, even went as far as to overcome many obstacles which one of then include having a digestive disorder that'd render my methods useless and make it almost impossible for me to leave the house without experiencing vertigo. Or when I couldn't work on the yew, I'd improvise. I was beyond determined, even now. But as of late, I think I've crossed the barrier of my suffering; I no longer really feel like dying. At this point, as I'm committed to completing the yew project, I'm bot doing it to just simply kill myself. No... I mean, I will use it eventually, but right now, it's to prove myself that I am capable of anything of I set my mind to it. And when I finish it, I'll set an example, and change the world, because there's only one reason I've been pursuing my own death. It's to have the life I dreamed of: the backup dream.
I'm currently working on a story that I'll share once I finish. Because I understand now how to truly save someone. But first, I need to demonstrate.
Regarding the suicide community, I no longer felt alone and soon enough, that sorta was the beginning of my crusade. There were people like me, going through all sorts of ordeals that came with life. Some had their philosophies which I've adopted after learning about them. And I suppose over time, I started going through some character development. But it wasn't just the suicide community, but it was also my obsession with the method. I'd keep working on my yew tincture, gaining Intel and learning about how to better craft the tincture. I'd soon find a community on discord which from there, I made friends with more suicidals, which over the years, I've regained the qualities I've lost since high school. Genuine empathy, and the ability to console people, and hope. I could go on, but as of now, my thoughts aren't quite fully developed. But to sum it up, I think I'm starting to realize my purpose in life. And it's a path that's likely never been taken before: suicide.
I wanted to die for quite some time, even went as far as to overcome many obstacles which one of then include having a digestive disorder that'd render my methods useless and make it almost impossible for me to leave the house without experiencing vertigo. Or when I couldn't work on the yew, I'd improvise. I was beyond determined, even now. But as of late, I think I've crossed the barrier of my suffering; I no longer really feel like dying. At this point, as I'm committed to completing the yew project, I'm bot doing it to just simply kill myself. No... I mean, I will use it eventually, but right now, it's to prove myself that I am capable of anything of I set my mind to it. And when I finish it, I'll set an example, and change the world, because there's only one reason I've been pursuing my own death. It's to have the life I dreamed of: the backup dream.
I'm currently working on a story that I'll share once I finish. Because I understand now how to truly save someone. But first, I need to demonstrate.
