Venting It hurts to know that you can't do it

[Painless_end]

So you ever give up on "important" stuff like a career because you are so tired and completely do not like what you do and then the reality is you don't like anything at all

Knowing your abnormal weakness, you hope that it will finally lead one day to one desperate final act of suicide and that will be it, but somehow your survival instinct always keeps you out of harm's way. Not out of some "noble purpose" but because your SI hates pain. So you end up backing out and keep your worthless physical body alive.

So you are left with no real option but to live and suffer. Even if you don't have physical pain, you end up suffering mentally. The torture never ends until you die, either intentionally or naturally by old age. Simply because your weakness is as invincible as you are.

Your weakness says, you want to live ? Me too. Inside your mind. Forever till the end.

 

[odradek]

I relate to this a lot.

 

[WatermelonMel]

So you ever give up on "important" stuff like a career because you are so tired and completely do not like what you do and then the reality is you don't like anything at all

Yes. I'll be left doing nothing but staring into space, and don't even like doing that..

And even when doing nothing, still mentally tortured by depression. There really is no winning in life.

 

[inevitabl_discomfort]

Even if you don't have physical pain, you end up suffering mentally. The torture never ends until you die, either intentionally or naturally by old age.

that's what i am really afraid about atm, what if after all this time looking for fun in life and trying to have hope, then realizing i have no hope and fail in my attempt , and then having to live for years (probably) with this shitty state of mind just bcz you can't do it

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide is very difficult as we are programmed to survive. It requires a lot of courage. If it was easier, I would already be gone. I wish there was an option to just disappear. Being alive really is horrible. There is also the fact that in my case, if I never get the courage to ctb I could have many decades left. The life expectancy is too long. I do not enjoy anything and I want nothing to do with life.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

You can do it! When l was going through basic training and had to do my first parachute jump my arsehole was twitching like a rabbits nose but l knew if l buckled l would be the laughing stock of the squad so l swallowed my fear and just walked to the door and threw myself out the plane, followed my training and counted down then pulled on the cord and sailed down to the ground,running when l hit earth and l felt the most euphoric sense of pride! SI can be overcome if you put your mind to the job in hand! Do Not Think Just Do What You Have To Do!!! Believe in yourself!

 

[Marktheghost]

It's not even pain in my case. As far as I know, SN won't cause any pain. I don't know what's holding me back. The most likely reason I can think of is just my mind having difficulty processing the thought of not existing anymore,