morbyxz

morbyxz

Member
Sep 9, 2023
21
Its just that.. I dont feel like I live for myself. I just live because its expected from me to do so. Im tired as hell, I would be more than happy to just end it right now right here. But I cant cause I would be rescued immediately. Im so sick of everyone saying that "Its normal to feel like that" and "life is all about ups and downs". I dont want to hear that. Theres nothing normal about feeling like I am, and if there is, I dont want to live in this world. I was not made for this world. Even after Ill die I wont be free from judgement. Ill be called selfish or a coward. Who are they to judge me?? Im so tired of this bullshit
 
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sapphoslastpoem

sapphoslastpoem

Student
Jun 23, 2022
110
Exactly, and then when we feel like we want to be at peace and take ourselves out of this world, away from pain, we're called selfish. Humans have always had a tendency to want to make life miserable for others and yet everyone expects us to keep pushing forward. I'm at the point now where I want my death to make others hurt, I want my suicide to act as an emotional weapon. I want those that hurt me to feel endless regret and emotional turmoil for how they treated me. But in reality, they'll never hurt, they're too soulless and sociopathic to feel hurt
 
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morbyxz

morbyxz

Member
Sep 9, 2023
21
Exactly, and then when we feel like we want to be at peace and take ourselves out of this world, away from pain, we're called selfish. Humans have always had a tendency to want to make life miserable for others and yet everyone expects us to keep pushing forward. I'm at the point now where I want my death to make others hurt, I want my suicide to act as an emotional weapon. I want those that hurt me to feel endless regret and emotional turmoil for how they treated me. But in reality, they'll never hurt, they're too soulless and sociopathic to feel hurt
excatly. I feel like I am the only one from my closest environment to have a soul. Everyones just thinks of themselves not caring that I am also a feeling human being. Well sometimes I wish I wasnt
 
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アホペンギン

アホペンギン

Jul 10, 2023
2,199
Its tragic how humans are so cruel like this, they have developed this mindset that suicide is selfish, even though its done as self-care. People expect us to carry on with life, hurting so much just so they don't have to suffer from our deaths. They're the selfish ones, imo.
 
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C

Crono

-
Jun 1, 2023
314
I totally agree, how can they judge us if they don't see life the same way we do! They can't judge a point of view they don't know!
 
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R_N

R_N

-Memento Mori-
Dec 3, 2019
1,442
Yeah we are pushed into this world without our consent, it is rough honestly.

The worst part is it all seems pointless. Any existence ever results in death and over the time I realised how much we are slaves of our own mind and body.

I feel like I am just here to observe my body trying to feel good while avoiding pain and that is about it. It wants it's needs met and what it needs is already decided. It feels like my every action is dictated by my brain and I have no say in it.

And don't get me started on stubborn pro lifers who are not open to any other opinion than what majority established as acceptable. What boggles my mind is how hard they try to prevent death while still bringing life to this world that will inevitably die.

I know how you feel and know that your frustration and pain is valid. If you can try to not focus on what they think of you and live your own life. I know that is not easy because society is controling, but I am sure you can have your peace of mind sometimes somewhere, where you are able to be yourself.
 
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drmihilo

drmihilo

desperate
Jul 30, 2022
90
Existence sucks. It's just misery.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,878
It disgusts me so much how suicide isn't seen as a valid option and it's just inhumane expecting people to continue to suffer so unnecessarily when they wish to cease existing. Those pro-life people only cause harm and if other people want to die it's not their decision to make.
 
Arihman

Arihman

Efilist, atheist, pro-right to die.
Jun 8, 2023
133
Being called selfish or a coward might be stupid and obnoxious, but it is still much better than being called "vulnerable", which translates to being viewed like a child or an imbecile who, merely by virtue of hating life, is mentally defective and needs "protection" from his or her own thoughts, even via the use of force, if necessary, by people who allegedly know better.

That's because a coward or a selfish person (as stupid as those opinions might be) is ultimately still considered an individual capable of agency, but being called "vulnerable" implies that you are being possessed by your sickness as if it was a demon (i,e something external to you) taking possession of your body, thus implying a separation between your "true self" (the one that, you guessed it, aligns with positive views of life) and the "sick" self because of said illness. And you can't even defend yourself by making a case for your right to no longer exist, because the mere act of doing that is further evidence that you are either "vulnerable", or some malicious predator.

Needless to say, all this is disgusting beyond belief, and to be honest, most anti-choicers are utter bastards who deserve to either lose all their children to suicide (yes, because these shitheads are often parents who want to take away other people's rights after rolling the dice with a new life for nothing but their gratification), or to die in a concentration camp, or to die of bone cancer. There should be no mercy for them, and then maybe other assholes who might want to take away other people's rights would learn not to interfere.

It's a pity I don't have the means to at least torture them psychologically, because if I could, I would use whatever it takes to drive them to madness. Or at least I would do it to the most unreasonable, obnoxious assholes among them.
 
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SolomonKado

SolomonKado

This is taking too long…
Jul 4, 2023
424
From everything I've noticed over the years I've seen so many conflicting things.

People being called selfish for CTB, but it's really the person just being hurt and want someone to blame. Ignoring the lost persons pain and trauma up to that point. People cope in some shitty ways.

Pro Lifers have someone in their life CTB. They tend to not reflect on the peace that persons CTB finally felt after a life of complete pain. They won't even reflect on what or who ultimately caused them to go to SaSu. They will look for someone or something to blame. Like someone who fights SaSu because it's an easy target. They won't even reflect on maybe they helped caused the CTB. No one is safe from the extent of their own actions. Pro lifers want to think they are blameless and would never act in a way to add to a persons torment.

To help a person who wants to CTB. This place is doing that. Giving people a way to take so much of the sting out of the pain by listening and acceptance.

One thing I learned in Rehab for alcohol was that if a person chooses to destroy their life then we can't force them to change their mind. It will just force them to run faster to it.

Look at people here. Some came ready to CTB and they are still here years later? It's a place that accepts you when nowhere else will. Some do CTB here, but imagine the torture their life has been for them. Everyone's pain is different and just as important as the next.

If we can look at the cause and try to work on that then we would have a better start, but that would mean a lot of people taking responsibility for what pain they caused the CTB person. Taking serious responsibility and not half ass. Feeling remorse about their actions. Being open minded and not making the conversation about you. Like if they say something that has to do with you and you start to defend yourself or whatever it is. That means your mind isn't open. The pain you're talking about is theirs not YOURS….you wanted to stop the CTB so then why would you still want to make it about you?!? Are you the one who wants to CTB?!?? No….then STFU AND STFD!😊
 
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L

Life'sA6itch

Student
Oct 29, 2023
155
Its just that.. I dont feel like I live for myself. I just live because its expected from me to do so. Im tired as hell, I would be more than happy to just end it right now right here. But I cant cause I would be rescued immediately. Im so sick of everyone saying that "Its normal to feel like that" and "life is all about ups and downs". I dont want to hear that. Theres nothing normal about feeling like I am, and if there is, I dont want to live in this world. I was not made for this world. Even after Ill die I wont be free from judgement. Ill be called selfish or a coward. Who are they to judge me?? Im so tired of this bullshit
I understand how you feel, I'm there too. Life is tiring, some people have generally good lives, most will have ups and downs, some may just have shitty lives and some small minded/selfish folks cannot ever seem to understand those of us wanting permanent peace from all the bullshit and kicks while you're already down
 
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