Venting It hurts me...

[PrisonBreak]

It hurts me sometimes that my ctb may be victory to some. I am surrounded by some evil relatives who would so rejoice hearing that I have taken my own life. Obviously it wouldn't bother me once I'm dead, but it sickens me daily that I would have lost to them and in the end they would have the last laugh. I'm filled with anger when I think about it. Of course, I do have close family members who loves me and would get hurt by the news,but there are those evil ones that would be delighted. Part of me wants to stay so that I would not give them the satisfaction but unfortunately I'm too fragile and weak by my illnesses to endure every day misery. I feel like I'm a looser. It hurts me so much. I just want to get away from it all.

 

[LastFlowers]

It hurts me sometimes that my ctb may be victory to some. I am surrounded by some evil relatives who would so rejoice hearing that I have taken my own life. Obviously it wouldn't bother me once I'm dead, but it sickens me daily that I would have lost to them and in the end they would have the last laugh. I'm filled with anger when I think about it. Of course, I do have close family members who loves me and would get hurt by the news,but there are those evil ones that would be delighted. Part of me wants to stay so that I would not give them the satisfaction but unfortunately I'm too fragile and weak by my illnesses to endure every day misery. I feel like I'm a looser. It hurts me so much. I just want to get away from it all.

There are many who would be delighted by my demise as well, but my miserable life itself is enough to suffice them, so the longer I stay alive, the more I offer them to feel better about themselves and to think less and less of me.
I give them more to feed off of if I'm alive and continuously struggling and suffering beneath them.
That's the way I see it.
But I understand the anger, I'm sure if we had another option-to rub their own shit flinging and search for schadenfreude in their faces-we would take it, but in my case, it's over.
I'm very sorry you are experiencing something similar, it's a terrible addition to the hell you must already endure.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Some people can just be so cruel and awful. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[PrisonBreak]

I give them more to feed off of if I'm alive and continuously struggling and suffering beneath them.

How right you are. I need to let go at some point. Thank you for your words of encouragement. It's always comforting to know someone else shares the same experience. Hugs

 

[LastFlowers]

How right you are. I need to let go at some point. Thank you for your words of encouragement. It's always comforting to know someone else shares the same experience. Hugs

I'm glad you've found comfort in my words, though I did not mean to impose on your decision making, I hope you choose whatever is the right course for yourself, I am very sorry, again, that you have to deal with this.
(Hugs back to you as well!)

 

[Crazy4u]

I am lost for words!! ctb feels like unfinished business sometimes. The problem is life is not fair.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Rumsfeld died before I did.

Now if we could just get bergoglio gone … maybe I'll be ready

 

[LastFlowers]

Rumsfeld died before I did.

Now if we could just get bergoglio gone … maybe I'll be ready

Who's that?

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Who's that?

The real name of the self styled pedophile pontiff - Francis

 

[Buddha.e.c]

It hurts me sometimes that my ctb may be victory to some. I am surrounded by some evil relatives who would so rejoice hearing that I have taken my own life. Obviously it wouldn't bother me once I'm dead, but it sickens me daily that I would have lost to them and in the end they would have the last laugh. I'm filled with anger when I think about it. Of course, I do have close family members who loves me and would get hurt by the news,but there are those evil ones that would be delighted. Part of me wants to stay so that I would not give them the satisfaction but unfortunately I'm too fragile and weak by my illnesses to endure every day misery. I feel like I'm a looser. It hurts me so much. I just want to get away from it all.

We cannot please those who are not understanding of us and our feelings i understand when poeple want to do you harm by words or actions they are just evil in that sense . I hope you find a outcome i wish you well in whatever happens .

 

[Blacklight]

It hurts me sometimes that my ctb may be victory to some. I am surrounded by some evil relatives who would so rejoice hearing that I have taken my own life. Obviously it wouldn't bother me once I'm dead, but it sickens me daily that I would have lost to them and in the end they would have the last laugh. I'm filled with anger when I think about it. Of course, I do have close family members who loves me and would get hurt by the news,but there are those evil ones that would be delighted. Part of me wants to stay so that I would not give them the satisfaction but unfortunately I'm too fragile and weak by my illnesses to endure every day misery. I feel like I'm a looser. It hurts me so much. I just want to get away from it all.

I deal with that too.

 

[GentleJerk]

They ought to be ashamed of themselves, please don't give people like that who rejoice in the suffering of others any satisfaction by caring about what they think. Of course sometimes we can't help it when these things affect us, but that sort of completely subhuman lack of compassion does't deserve any recognition. Best wishes,

 

[LastFlowers]

They ought to be ashamed of themselves, please don't give people like that who rejoice in the suffering of others any satisfaction by caring about what they think. Of course sometimes we can't help it when these things affect us, but that sort of completely subhuman lack of compassion does't deserve any recognition. Best wishes,

Yea, the only way I understand such a lack of compassion is in the scenario where it's being returned to the sender.
In other words, you give what you get, which might very well be shit all.

 

[Gsvko]

I'm sorry you're feeling that, I too have one particular person who I think'd be happy that they've "won". What comforts me is thinking how ctb is for me, it is my decision in order to relieve my pain, there's power in that for me. I also like to think how life will bite them in the ass and if they ever entertain the thought of ctb, I imagine it'd be harder since they've celebrated mine