I never thought my life would come to this.
I always thought that I would eventually sort things out.
But no... I'm 25 and still a kissless virgin with barely any friends. I was bullied through out all of my childhood. Rejected by girls. Betrayed by friends. I was foolish enough to believe that if I put in effort, it would all work out.
But the truth is... it didn't
I was fat as a kid, and I became really fat after school.
At my heaviest I was at 100 kg.
I lost that weight in 3 months. Got it down to 72 ish.
But as a result of my weightloss, I started to lose hair at the age of 21.
I did everything that people tell us to do. I put in effort and applied my self.
I got an IT degree (big mistake) , got abs through rigorous diet and exercise, I ate clean and I published a novel.
But my life didn't change. I was still faced with the same romantic rejections. I can't even get a job because my degree didn't teach me anything usefull. So I started learning through Udemy. I don't think I can actually do a job, because nearly every workplace already employs people who bullied me or hurt me in some way. I can't stand the thought of being near these people. It's just like school.
The times I was actually happy during my life can be counted on one hand, and I won't need all the fingers.
Today, I was just finishing up a Udemy Tutorial. Throughout college, I was always afraid that I wouldn't be a good programmer. Because I have trouble concentrating and remembering. Doing these tutorials gave me confidence, cuz I was able to fix bugs on my own without asking anyone. I thought that even though I have to rely on tutorials to code, I can still read and change them to do what I want.
But today... I was about to deploy the web app I made, and there was an error pushing it to the server. I kept checking ever nook and cranny, and I even fixed a few typos, but the error didn't go away.
It made me so incompetent.
I wanted to find freelance work, which is why I applied for this. But now I can't even deploy a web app.
I can't believe it has come to this.
I'm 25 now, gonna be 26 in july, I've had 0 romantic success, 0 success in employment, and my skills are subpar at best.
Meanwhile, those who hurt me are getting paid well.
A certain greenday song lyric comes to mind
"Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they're all out without you, having fun"
I always thought that I would eventually sort things out.
But no... I'm 25 and still a kissless virgin with barely any friends. I was bullied through out all of my childhood. Rejected by girls. Betrayed by friends. I was foolish enough to believe that if I put in effort, it would all work out.
But the truth is... it didn't
I was fat as a kid, and I became really fat after school.
At my heaviest I was at 100 kg.
I lost that weight in 3 months. Got it down to 72 ish.
But as a result of my weightloss, I started to lose hair at the age of 21.
I did everything that people tell us to do. I put in effort and applied my self.
I got an IT degree (big mistake) , got abs through rigorous diet and exercise, I ate clean and I published a novel.
But my life didn't change. I was still faced with the same romantic rejections. I can't even get a job because my degree didn't teach me anything usefull. So I started learning through Udemy. I don't think I can actually do a job, because nearly every workplace already employs people who bullied me or hurt me in some way. I can't stand the thought of being near these people. It's just like school.
The times I was actually happy during my life can be counted on one hand, and I won't need all the fingers.
Today, I was just finishing up a Udemy Tutorial. Throughout college, I was always afraid that I wouldn't be a good programmer. Because I have trouble concentrating and remembering. Doing these tutorials gave me confidence, cuz I was able to fix bugs on my own without asking anyone. I thought that even though I have to rely on tutorials to code, I can still read and change them to do what I want.
But today... I was about to deploy the web app I made, and there was an error pushing it to the server. I kept checking ever nook and cranny, and I even fixed a few typos, but the error didn't go away.
It made me so incompetent.
I wanted to find freelance work, which is why I applied for this. But now I can't even deploy a web app.
I can't believe it has come to this.
I'm 25 now, gonna be 26 in july, I've had 0 romantic success, 0 success in employment, and my skills are subpar at best.
Meanwhile, those who hurt me are getting paid well.
A certain greenday song lyric comes to mind
"Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they're all out without you, having fun"
