""it gets better""

[wristcutangel]

i hate it. i hate idiots who say things like that. i've grown up hearing those words from people since i was a kid, everyone always says that things will get better with time and everything will make sense when you're older but absolutely nothing gets better. it only worsens and just leaves you wishing that you killed yourself earlier. occasionally there's brief moments where i'll think that maybe things are going to look up, but it's only so things can come back crashing down even worse than before, and then i'll think i'm an idiot all over. my life is a complete and utter dead end. i'm in college burning up all my money when i know this won't even help me because i'm a fucking retard who can't learn for shit, completely and utterly stuck reliant on a family that don't care and just want to marry me off eventually, physically and mentally a mess, living in deadend shithole cult obsessed waste of a country where i can get my head cut off any moment, a complete waste of space with no friends, hopes or dreams. my life is a complete and utter waste with nowhere to go and i know it won't get better. i should've killed myself as a stupid kid rather than be alive as a worthless adult.

 

[derpyderpins]

I do think they mean well, but any absolute like that is more harm than good. They can't know it will get better. It can always get worse. But, I do believe that in the vast majority of cases "it can get better," at least theoretically. But it doesn't sound as nice to say that, does it?

 

[Ligottian]

When people say "this too will pass", do they realize that the same applies to the good things? Not many I think.

 

[andreamysk]

[...] living in deadend shithole cult obsessed waste of a country where i can get my head cut off any moment, a complete waste of space with no friends, hopes or dreams [...]

I'm very sorry: it must be a real nightmare to live in that context (I don't know in which country, but I can imagine some, from how you describe it) - on top of everything else...

 

[archiveofpain]

I hate that phrase so much, not only it comes off most of the time as superficial and avoiding genuinely listening to you but it places a lot of pressure and blame on you when it doesn't get better and fails to acknowledge that sometimes your circumstances play a good part on it getting "better" and that sometimes those circumstances are out of your control and there's a limit on the things you can do

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't understand why people say this. Sure, life can get better but it can also do the opposite. You are trying to provide someone reassurance by promising them something that you know you don't have any control over. To make matters worse, anyone you try to call out how full of bullshit that phrase, and others like it, are people respond by immediately getting upset at you. It's just another one of those surface-level platitudes that dumbasses like to throw around.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It "can" get better but unfortunately often it doesn't get better. I'm sorry you have to go through all this.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I think "It gets better." is similar to when people say "They passed away." instead of just saying someone died.

Euphemisms. People want to say things literally and yet are almost dishonest with what they mean. And I find it hilarious, not in the HAHA way but just in how absurd it all is.

"Time heals all wounds." Has to be one of the greatest hits.

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

I deeply regret staying alive. I should've killed myself when I was a teenager.

 

[whydidthishappen]

I'm very sorry: it must be a real nightmare to live in that context (I don't know in which country, but I can imagine some, from how you describe it) - on top of everything else...

Probably the US. it never gets much better, here.

 

[andreamysk]

Probably the US. it never gets much better, here.

Well, I guess it's not any better in many countries around the world, but the phrase "deadend shithole cult obsessed waste of a country where i can get my head cut off any moment" associated with another post where poor wristcutangel wrote about living in a Muslim country, made me assume something different than the US (it was just a sort of reflection on how we all suffer from some physical and/or mental problem here, but there are some for whom this suffering is particularly enhanced by the social/cultural/economic context where they live)

 

[divinemistress36]

When things dont get better it makes you feel like its all your fault

 

[Serial Experi Pain]

I gave up on talking to most people because that seemed to be the only phrase in their arsenal. I got tired of hearing it because it's all I heard for decades, actually.

When it comes to me it's one of the phrases that will make me shut down and assure that I won't speak honestly about my feelings.

However, like others have mentioned, if someone says "they can get better, but likely won't", I have no issue with that. It at least acknowledges that I've been dealing with shit, and it's been raining shit forever.

It's almost the same as when someone tells me "I know how you feel"... At it's most basic, it's well-meaning, but in the larger picture it's a very easy way for people to minimize what you're really dealing with and feeling, because no one experiences the same circumstances and emotions at the same level as you do personally.
Like I mentioned above, if someone says something more rational, like "I can relate/I can begin to understand", and they do have reasons and circumstances that do relate, that to me is more reasonable.

I'm extremely careful about choosing my words most of the time (at least with those close to me), and I know others aren't and do not even see the need in doing so, but there are just things I am sick of listening to. "It gets better" is absolutely one of them. Even when it does, it's usually a blip on the radar by comparison to everything else I've lived through so it's really not a very productive phrase with any merit or validity.

I try to remain as fair and rational as possible because I can understand why people say it when they're always seeking the most convenient and simple answer, but I'm a realist so it feels like a slap in the face.

 

[whydidthishappen]

Well, I guess it's not any better in many countries around the world, but the phrase "deadend shithole cult obsessed waste of a country where i can get my head cut off any moment" associated with another post where poor wristcutangel wrote about living in a Muslim country, made me assume something different than the US (it was just a sort of reflection on how we all suffer from some physical and/or mental problem here, but there are some for whom this suffering is particularly enhanced by the social/cultural/economic context where they live)

Oh wow, I guess she should clarify that.