Venting it feels so horrifying to just exist .

[darknessisfine8]

( i realised what im trying to say is called " existential dread " as i was researching for others experiencing the same )


right now . i feel so much afraid of everything . like . i suddenly realised how everything is just here with no reason .

i realised how much we live our life without questioning a little part of it .

of how much we dont know anything abouf anything .

like . we live on a daily basis with no fear and just simply . for more than thousands of years .

without even knowing what all of it is for . and our philosophy does very little to help .

we dont know why we are here . or for how long . when is all started and why . and how or if its gonna end .


then suddenly . there are soooo many stuff that .. fuck it .

why are they here ? like all of it ?


all the stuff we see . hear and touch .



phones . trees . bees . tables . clouds . the sun . the earth . microwave . atoms .


all of it . we are suddenly born and we have to go through all of this with no choice . it makes me fucking mad .

why should it be in such way ? and can it even change ?

is there anyway things could be different .

no matter how much i shout . there is something super weird and absurd about the entire world .


and it really sucks to exist . and there is no way out of it .

even if i ctb . there is never the option for never being born . the pain of existing is not avoidable .

this pain of just being is so hard .

 

[itsgone2]

Agree. What is the point of all this?

 

[liquid jen]

God, I relate. I feel so jealous of normal people who don't contemplate their existence. They don't have to constantly live in doubt and confusion. Sometimes, other than jealousy, I feel hatred for them. They get to live such easy lives and all they use it for is cruelty or waste it.

I've tried articulating this struggle to a friend before, but it is so genuinely far from the average person's mind it didn't work. It's not fair that I have to live in constant pain because I'm aware that i exist and possibly always will in some way. I wish I could believe in a God or some greater purpose. I wish I had ANY answer to ANYTHING at all. I hate this shit.

 

[darknessisfine8]

God, I relate. I feel so jealous of normal people who don't contemplate their existence. They don't have to constantly live in doubt and confusion. Sometimes, other than jealousy, I feel hatred for them. They get to live such easy lives and all they use it for is cruelty or waste it.

I've tried articulating this struggle to a friend before, but it is so genuinely far from the average person's mind it didn't work. It's not fair that I have to live in constant pain because I'm aware that i exist and possibly always will in some way. I wish I could believe in a God or some greater purpose. I wish I had ANY answer to ANYTHING at all. I hate this shit.

i felt so safe reading your message . knowing there are more people going through the same nightmares as me .

that means a lot to me . thanks

 

[cloud;.]

i relate a lot more than i thought i would relate to this.

 

[Liebestod]

Yup I agree I just with the universe never existed at all.

 

[blacksand]

Yup I agree I just with the universe never existed at all.

The good news is that's exactly what being dead will be like.

 

[Liebestod]

The good news is that's exactly what being dead will be like.

I know but it still will and that pisses me off.

 

[darknessisfine8]

I know but it still will and that pisses me off.

agreed

 

[cattybag]

( i realised what im trying to say is called " existential dread " as i was researching for others experiencing the same )


right now . i feel so much afraid of everything . like . i suddenly realised how everything is just here with no reason .

i realised how much we live our life without questioning a little part of it .

of how much we dont know anything abouf anything .

like . we live on a daily basis with no fear and just simply . for more than thousands of years .

without even knowing what all of it is for . and our philosophy does very little to help .

we dont know why we are here . or for how long . when is all started and why . and how or if its gonna end .


then suddenly . there are soooo many stuff that .. fuck it .

why are they here ? like all of it ?


all the stuff we see . hear and touch .



phones . trees . bees . tables . clouds . the sun . the earth . microwave . atoms .


all of it . we are suddenly born and we have to go through all of this with no choice . it makes me fucking mad .

why should it be in such way ? and can it even change ?

is there anyway things could be different .

no matter how much i shout . there is something super weird and absurd about the entire world .


and it really sucks to exist . and there is no way out of it .

even if i ctb . there is never the option for never being born . the pain of existing is not avoidable .

this pain of just being is so hard .

Hey I dont wanna make any assumptions but have you ever looked into neurodivergant traits? The other day I had a thought "how can people even function in their day to day lives when we have no idea how the brain works or our own bodies" it seems like a miracle people just ignore these large and powerful questions. Do you know why? That's because most normal people (neurotypicals) don't think that often. Reading that shocked me, even as a kid I was wondering "why are we even here?" Turns out thats not a normal thing to be worried about. The reason I bring this up is that neurodivergant brains tend to feel disconnected with the body. So they can go into "overdrive" processing these deep questions. I understand the overwhelming feelings that can arrive with thoughts like this. There are ways to help your brain out and ways to relax. With a brain as intense as that it's very important to keep your body in balance. I've had thoughts like "why do I keep going" and "I did not sign up for this" and for myself I find that the environment I was in and my unmet needs pushed those thoughts further.

What helped me the most was knowledge, on humans and about nature and philosophy. Feels like the more I learn the more confident I am in my day to day life. I start to notice how complicated reality is and how many patterns or associations are present. I absolutely do not subscribe to the idea of religion but the material world is already so complicated and vast. Are there larger systems that we aren't aware of? I'm not exactly sure. But when I learn more about the brain and how complicated the human body is I find myself valuing what my skills are and how deeply I think.

Typical humans are social creatures first and foremost. Other brain structures can lead to different skills, such as a brain processing so much more information than a regular guy. Typical brains filter out and simplify a lot of data so they have no problem existing without thinking. I understand it can be difficult but don't ever beat yourself up, you have a much deeper way of thinking than most people which I think is pretty cool.

( i realised what im trying to say is called " existential dread " as i was researching for others experiencing the same )


right now . i feel so much afraid of everything . like . i suddenly realised how everything is just here with no reason .

i realised how much we live our life without questioning a little part of it .

of how much we dont know anything abouf anything .

like . we live on a daily basis with no fear and just simply . for more than thousands of years .

without even knowing what all of it is for . and our philosophy does very little to help .

we dont know why we are here . or for how long . when is all started and why . and how or if its gonna end .


then suddenly . there are soooo many stuff that .. fuck it .

why are they here ? like all of it ?


all the stuff we see . hear and touch .



phones . trees . bees . tables . clouds . the sun . the earth . microwave . atoms .


all of it . we are suddenly born and we have to go through all of this with no choice . it makes me fucking mad .

why should it be in such way ? and can it even change ?

is there anyway things could be different .

no matter how much i shout . there is something super weird and absurd about the entire world .


and it really sucks to exist . and there is no way out of it .

even if i ctb . there is never the option for never being born . the pain of existing is not avoidable .

this pain of just being is so hard .

Just one more thing, society is NOT designed for brains that think is deeply. So please take care of yourself because you seem very intelligent and special. So I think its important to focus on your day to day life and make sure your needs are met. I like to view my brain as a sports car. Normal cars require normal maintenance and are fairly easy to fix. Sports cars require special services and usually cost more resources, but can go much much much faster. Of course no one asked for brains like that but one positive note is they are very special brains, much more quicker and dynamic than a normal person. Also one thing that helps my mood is a project or to feel connected to something. With my neurodivergant brain its difficult to connect with others and that disconnection can lead me to not care about my body. I find it difficult sometimes to find a reason to take care of myself but recently I've been more focused on my direct needs and keeping my brain sane.