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LivingANDDying26

LivingANDDying26

Enlightened
Dec 8, 2019
1,316
Lately, I'm finally settling on what method I will using. Im disappointed bc it doesn't feel like there's many options in regards to what I can execute & endure.


I've started to feel like SN just isn't it for me as it generally feels seems like an undesirable experience. That's where my hesitations lie & have for like 3 yrs now but... ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ it seems like in regards to painless, non gruesome etc levels it's pretty much the only one.

OD'ing isn't reliable at this point in time. Even if I managed to buy the necessary like drugs there is no guarantee it'll be what I ordered & refund or exchange wouldn't be possible...

So im either a) continuing with my health tests/ultra sounds (I have like 4 or 5 to do now) and seeing if anything is terminal or I'm fucked bc MAID docs are booked and will not take me on bc I'm not terminally ill.

Or I just accept that SN is the only way rn.... ๐Ÿ˜ฉ god this fucking sucks. Everything about SN sounds unpleasant from the fucking taste to the texture to the feeling after taking it. I don't want to go via that way but I cannot keep myself alive much long either.

So SN it is ig ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฉ this fucking sucks. But ig CTB in this current climate isn't exactly easy. God do I regret not buying N years ago ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I would do some form of drowning but only in the winter due to my own fears & such. Plus the cold adding to the likelihood of dying/numbing my body. Ughhhhh. But it's shitty suffocating summer.
There's no turning back from this. Not for any particular reason than my own tbh. I need to fucking end this shitty existence of mine and soon. I just can't take being alive anymore. I can't take prolonging my death. Yeah there is lot's to live for but I personally cannot keep living. I can't handle it anymore.

Soo this is a rant but more of a verbal processing of acceptance of my options...

Been sleeping all day but thinking inbetween it all and this is where I've landed. Im not happy about it but having a relatively painless & non gruesome (at least not while conscious) method is better than nothing.
 
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shantyizlit

shantyizlit

Really, what was the point?
Jul 7, 2023
189
Man I wish I had nembutal too, hopefully a heroin overdose will be as reliable and peaceful
 
SlenderM

SlenderM

I'm just here.
Jul 22, 2023
17
Lately, I'm finally settling on what method I will using. Im disappointed bc it doesn't feel like there's many options in regards to what I can execute & endure.


I've started to feel like SN just isn't it for me as it generally feels seems like an undesirable experience. That's where my hesitations lie & have for like 3 yrs now but... ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ it seems like in regards to painless, non gruesome etc levels it's pretty much the only one.

OD'ing isn't reliable at this point in time. Even if I managed to buy the necessary like drugs there is no guarantee it'll be what I ordered & refund or exchange wouldn't be possible...

So im either a) continuing with my health tests/ultra sounds (I have like 4 or 5 to do now) and seeing if anything is terminal or I'm fucked bc MAID docs are booked and will not take me on bc I'm not terminally ill.

Or I just accept that SN is the only way rn.... ๐Ÿ˜ฉ god this fucking sucks. Everything about SN sounds unpleasant from the fucking taste to the texture to the feeling after taking it. I don't want to go via that way but I cannot keep myself alive much long either.

So SN it is ig ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฉ this fucking sucks. But ig CTB in this current climate isn't exactly easy. God do I regret not buying N years ago ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I would do some form of drowning but only in the winter due to my own fears & such. Plus the cold adding to the likelihood of dying/numbing my body. Ughhhhh. But it's shitty suffocating summer.
There's no turning back from this. Not for any particular reason than my own tbh. I need to fucking end this shitty existence of mine and soon. I just can't take being alive anymore. I can't take prolonging my death. Yeah there is lot's to live for but I personally cannot keep living. I can't handle it anymore.

Soo this is a rant but more of a verbal processing of acceptance of my options...

Been sleeping all day but thinking inbetween it all and this is where I've landed. Im not happy about it but having a relatively painless & non gruesome (at least not while conscious) method is better than nothing.


If you don't mind me asking, why are you suicidal?

- S
 
N

NoFutureAnymore

Student
Jul 4, 2023
182
It feels to me that the use of inert gas is the most peaceful option. It's not a easy to setup, but it seems reliable and painless.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
41,479
I find it so cruel how Nembutal isn't more easily accessible, it certainly sounds so peaceful and ideal, like the best way to ctb, I think it would be a comfort for many having the option to leave this world in peace. But anyway best wishes with your plans, I understand feeling so tired of suffering here.
 
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Synrelia

Synrelia

Member
Apr 5, 2023
11
SN sounds so unpleasant but honestly it's kinda the most accessible atm, compared to Nembutal anyway. It sucks but yeah. Drowning is more painful though I assume. Think on it for a bit, there's more resources here and I'm sure you could mix something with the SN? Or eat something nice after taking it
 
soontobedone

soontobedone

Leave blank
Feb 27, 2023
314
SN sounds so unpleasant but honestly it's kinda the most accessible atm, compared to Nembutal anyway. It sucks but yeah. Drowning is more painful though I assume. Think on it for a bit, there's more resources here and I'm sure you could mix something with the SN? Or eat something nice after taking it
There is no eating after taking SN.
 
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jazzcat

jazzcat

dark eyed and miserable
May 19, 2023
138
๐Ÿ˜ idk I wish I had access to SN like you I'm going to end up having to hang myself
 

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