Dangerdonkey333
Crann Bethadh
- Nov 19, 2023
- 60
I've been considering whether I would talk about this or not. I didn't want to have anyone pity me or have their day ruined by this. But I feel like I really need to vent. About how fucked my life has been.
I was diagnosed with autism at a young age, which made it very hard to develop normally as a child. Was put in special education, constantly bullied, not even toilet trained until I was 12. Had no friends or hobbies and my home life was worse.
My parents divorced when I was very young. They both re-married pretty fast. I was a troublemaker for both of them. Between the underdevelopment, autistic tantrums, and straight up stupidity, both parties punished me relentlessly.
On my dad's side, my step mom would hit me and order my dad to spank me whenever. There were times when I was black and blue from it. She would berate me, calling me every name in the book. I was grounded for years straight, locked in my room with nothing but a notebook, forced to write "I'm sorry for being a bad child" until it was filled.
On my mom's side, my step dad was mostly passive. My mom however, had a lot of anger issues. It was worlds better than being at my dad's, but I was constantly berated and grounded/put in my room there as well.
The only kind of friend I had was my older brother. Even he did some bad things to me, but was really my only saving grace. I have tried to make good relationships with my younger siblings. I don't think they know most of anything that happened to me.
For the past 6 years or so I have been living with my mom (she has gotten a lot of help and we are doing much better relationship wise). I still have very little hobbies, and a couple friends. But for the most part i am just existing. I have always been depressed and at times suicidal. I was admitted to a psych ward for attempting in my teens.
Recently it has all just been bubbling to the surface. Just getting worse and worse as the days go by. All the anger and sadness I've kept in, I don't know what to do with it. I want help, I need help. I have no clue where to start, idk if I can even be helped at this point. I just want it all to go away.
I was diagnosed with autism at a young age, which made it very hard to develop normally as a child. Was put in special education, constantly bullied, not even toilet trained until I was 12. Had no friends or hobbies and my home life was worse.
My parents divorced when I was very young. They both re-married pretty fast. I was a troublemaker for both of them. Between the underdevelopment, autistic tantrums, and straight up stupidity, both parties punished me relentlessly.
On my dad's side, my step mom would hit me and order my dad to spank me whenever. There were times when I was black and blue from it. She would berate me, calling me every name in the book. I was grounded for years straight, locked in my room with nothing but a notebook, forced to write "I'm sorry for being a bad child" until it was filled.
On my mom's side, my step dad was mostly passive. My mom however, had a lot of anger issues. It was worlds better than being at my dad's, but I was constantly berated and grounded/put in my room there as well.
The only kind of friend I had was my older brother. Even he did some bad things to me, but was really my only saving grace. I have tried to make good relationships with my younger siblings. I don't think they know most of anything that happened to me.
For the past 6 years or so I have been living with my mom (she has gotten a lot of help and we are doing much better relationship wise). I still have very little hobbies, and a couple friends. But for the most part i am just existing. I have always been depressed and at times suicidal. I was admitted to a psych ward for attempting in my teens.
Recently it has all just been bubbling to the surface. Just getting worse and worse as the days go by. All the anger and sadness I've kept in, I don't know what to do with it. I want help, I need help. I have no clue where to start, idk if I can even be helped at this point. I just want it all to go away.
no child should have to live in fear of their guardians
