After so much time, it is not about sufferings for me. This is another reason why i feel and know therapy is useless in my case. I'm not depressed anymore, not planning to die to end any sufferings. Since childhood i had to learn to endure that, so since very long.
It's more about knowing that this life has nothing to offer or bring but disappointment and bad situations. (I hoped for a while that love could save me, lol , it's even the best way to go deeper!). Life is already violent and meaningless naturally on this earth especially animal life, just reproducing yourself without any sense to it. No thanks.
It's even worst as a human being, we are forced to play a comedy, in an insane reality where we are just modern slaves. Our lives are just about that, and all the entertainments you would find (from alcohol, cinema, gaming, holiday whatever) are just there to make you accept this fact and make it a little nicer, softer.
I do understand and respect thatmany are suffering, mentally or physically. But some of us, are even beyond that. There is a point where sufferings doesn't mean anything anymore. It's just about being conscious, being aware of our stupid reality, which make you unsuitable for this living comedy. That's something people even therapist/doctor so-called specialist can't understand. They are closed in some clichés that suicidal people, are suffering, depressed and only considering suicide as the only solution to easy the pain blablabla. They can't even imagine that some people are so conscious and sensitive, that we just realise (sometimes at a very young age) the reality of our meaningless life. That there's no sense in all that, no real reasons, no real joy to live all that. We're even not in a funny caring joyful society. I mean come on..... all those people acting like all is fine, satisfying themselves with poor placebos and illusions, oh my... And the way suicide is completely taboo, refused and inconceivable to them is hilarious. They are even capable to tell that you are the selfish one by thinking this way and wanting to stop it; telling you that suicide is an error, that god doesn't want it or how much it is a coward thing. It clearly shows how much they have no idea of what they are talking about. They have naturally accept their condition and are just stupid animals driven by natural instincts. Anyone who has a developped brain, and an ability to think by himself and see things as "objectively" as possible, just see that life as we experience it has no real meaning. You can create one, you better actually if you want to live, to drive yourself etc, but concretly theres'no meaning, just animal survival and reproducing instincts in our dna, nothing more than that, nothing that has a real sense....