mittymittens
let's make it quick, ok?
- Jun 11, 2023
- 70
last post i made asking about this was kinda vague so i just decided to make a final post about it with a lot of detail
context:
my ex best friend had feelings for me before this event and i lightly rejected her saying i didn't have feelings for her at the time and we moved on never touched back on the topic and i think she said she supposedly lost feelings for me too
until 2 months later, she had summer band camp for school and she was very stressed and depressed because it was too much for her and since she was in band it was mandatory and there was barely any breaks.
at the end of her band camp there was a performance thingy and she invited me to go, i went because i wanted to see her and i wanted her happy.
during this time there was nobody home when the performance ended i didn't want to go home and be bored again.
i remember her asking if she could go home with me because she didn't want to stay outside in the heat and we could play games together and such so i agreed.
what happened:
from that point on i tried to forget about what happened and some moments of that day is kinda fuzzy and it does feel like to some extent it happened to someone else and not me because the entire time i just felt like i was spectating my body or someone else was in control of me.
i don't know if this is considered SA or not so i'm asking for an opinions.
context:
my ex best friend had feelings for me before this event and i lightly rejected her saying i didn't have feelings for her at the time and we moved on never touched back on the topic and i think she said she supposedly lost feelings for me too
until 2 months later, she had summer band camp for school and she was very stressed and depressed because it was too much for her and since she was in band it was mandatory and there was barely any breaks.
at the end of her band camp there was a performance thingy and she invited me to go, i went because i wanted to see her and i wanted her happy.
during this time there was nobody home when the performance ended i didn't want to go home and be bored again.
i remember her asking if she could go home with me because she didn't want to stay outside in the heat and we could play games together and such so i agreed.
what happened:
her older sister dropped us off at my place,
i remember we were in my living room and she sits down and gestures for a hug, i hug her and we started cuddling,
(which i thought was ok to do because i often called her my older sister and she told me she saw me as a younger sister and we were just extremely close so i also just saw it as a girl best friend thing)
not long after i remember she started kissing my face, which i froze and because i didn't know how to respond i just giggled nervously so she started doing it more,
at that point i didn't want to push her off because she was just really happy at that moment and if i did she wouldve 100% started crying and it's not like her parents could pick her up because it hadn't been that long since she was dropped off.
i pretended i was ok with it but my mind i knew deep down i just wanted her to leave. i consented to her being my first kiss though.
at some point she wanted to go to my room and that was where i said no bcs i didn't like the sound of that but she pleaded and idk i just gave in.
we just continued cuddling in my bed and she would be kissing me and this is the part i get sorta confused bcs my body started feeling aroused and my mind was wanting it to end.
then she put her hand under my shirt and that's when i started freaking out but i just let her continue because my body seemed to like it so i just went with it. during the end though i pretended to fall asleep so she would stop and she did and eventually she left.
after she left i remember feeling very mad at myself but never at her and i felt dirty too and i felt like i used her. i remember just crying when i was showering myself to feel "clean" again.
i remember we were in my living room and she sits down and gestures for a hug, i hug her and we started cuddling,
(which i thought was ok to do because i often called her my older sister and she told me she saw me as a younger sister and we were just extremely close so i also just saw it as a girl best friend thing)
not long after i remember she started kissing my face, which i froze and because i didn't know how to respond i just giggled nervously so she started doing it more,
at that point i didn't want to push her off because she was just really happy at that moment and if i did she wouldve 100% started crying and it's not like her parents could pick her up because it hadn't been that long since she was dropped off.
i pretended i was ok with it but my mind i knew deep down i just wanted her to leave. i consented to her being my first kiss though.
at some point she wanted to go to my room and that was where i said no bcs i didn't like the sound of that but she pleaded and idk i just gave in.
we just continued cuddling in my bed and she would be kissing me and this is the part i get sorta confused bcs my body started feeling aroused and my mind was wanting it to end.
then she put her hand under my shirt and that's when i started freaking out but i just let her continue because my body seemed to like it so i just went with it. during the end though i pretended to fall asleep so she would stop and she did and eventually she left.
after she left i remember feeling very mad at myself but never at her and i felt dirty too and i felt like i used her. i remember just crying when i was showering myself to feel "clean" again.
from that point on i tried to forget about what happened and some moments of that day is kinda fuzzy and it does feel like to some extent it happened to someone else and not me because the entire time i just felt like i was spectating my body or someone else was in control of me.
i don't know if this is considered SA or not so i'm asking for an opinions.
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