Help Is this predatory behavior?

[Anxieyote]

Every night, I drink heavily and go on forums to do NSFW chats with people. I make sure they aren't minors before I begin, but I do go "fishing" for the people I like. I talk to them exclusively at night when I am inebriated because I find it much easier in my alcohol- induced state.

Several of them have expressed frustration and ghosted me for only being available at night. I never talk to them during the day because my social anxiety gets the best of me.

I fear that I am "using" people. I know NSFW chats are a thing, and lots of people do it, but the people I'm talking to are getting their feelings hurt. I'm really affectionate at night; and at night only. Sometimes when they find out how heavily I drink, I get ghosted. They can tell that I don't remember small details they've shared because my memory is affected by the alcohol.

I don't like to think of myself as a bad person, but is this something a bad person does? I am having trouble evaluating whether or not I am in the wrong. If it is a mutual decision to NSFW chat when I am inebriated, am I doing anything wrong? I do want affection badly, but I am having feelings of shame remembering all the people who have expressed discomfort and confusion at my sporadic contact and drinking issues (some correlate drunk conversations with dishonesty and inauthenticity).

 

[xLosthopex]

Seems like this behavior is more as a result of your mental state, ie more reckless, obnoxious etc due to your alcohol consumption as opposed to being intentionally 'predatory'.
If you feel shame about it maybe you should stop going on these forums while intoxicated

 

[CFLoser]

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it.

Like you say it's incredibly common for people to ghost others after the act. People have to get used to that asap. Doing otherwise when you don't enjoy that person's presense will just hurt both of you more in the future.

 

[Anxieyote]

Seems like this behavior is more as a result of your mental state, ie more reckless, obnoxious etc due to your alcohol consumption as opposed to being intentionally 'predatory'.
If you feel shame about it maybe you should stop going on these forums while intoxicated

Some of them are just friends, or have told me they just want to be friends, but the alcohol makes me bold enough to make moves and hope that they say "why not?"

It's always an awful feeling when you make an advance, and then you see their online status go from green to grey. Little moments like that can lead to suicide ideation after I wake up because I get to experience rejection in real time.

 

[Rational man]

I think Its just the way the webchats work but maybe you need to be vigilant. No doubt there's nice people.around but ive always wondered if these chat forums are frequented by law enforcement looking for specific situations. But then you'd probably thought that too !?