iamalreadydead
Student
- Nov 25, 2022
- 139
sorry if I'm being annoying tonight by posting random unrelated shit
so I have a magnitude of traumatic experiences but I don't think I ever developed PTSD specifically from them. suicide attempts, being beaten/abused, bullied etc none of that shit I don't think actually caused classic ptsd symptoms in me, I think I was just depressed because of them or at most I had/have a dissociative disorder because of it, but I could never relate to anything that fits a PTSD diagnosis
i was homeless late last year and still kind of dealing with that experience in my head. my back hasn't untensed itself since then and I have not slept the same even on a perfectly good bed since, like my back can't relax and I can't sink into my bed and sleep like I used to do pre-homelessness.
so sometimes, when I'm in bed, I'm hit with this cold sensation that reminds me of when I'd only have enough money for like a night in a hotel and I needed to get as much sleep as I could but I new I only had a really limited amount of time before having to go back to work for 8 hours and be on the street again, like, it's the feeling of knowing this comfort will be a fleeting thing. every time I'm out on walks or out in the rain I'll randomly get extremely tired and scared and uncomfortable like there's that mental coldness that hits me even if the weather is fine. And I'll internally beg to be back inside and in a bed and wrapped up in a blanket and to just be safe. Like the knowledge that I actually have somewhere to sleep isn't enough to stave off that random feeling that hits. I don't know what flashbacks are supposed to feel like or what they look/sound like but I'm wondering if that's anywhere close to it, if that's what I'm experiencing. ofc there's other stuff but I didn't really feel like just being suicidal in general and being distrustful of people is enough of a reason to go take advantage of a diagnosis. if this is actually PTSD I wouldn't mind going to get drugged up for it but I want to know if that even sounds like PTSD to anyone else, or if I'm just a bitch
so I have a magnitude of traumatic experiences but I don't think I ever developed PTSD specifically from them. suicide attempts, being beaten/abused, bullied etc none of that shit I don't think actually caused classic ptsd symptoms in me, I think I was just depressed because of them or at most I had/have a dissociative disorder because of it, but I could never relate to anything that fits a PTSD diagnosis
i was homeless late last year and still kind of dealing with that experience in my head. my back hasn't untensed itself since then and I have not slept the same even on a perfectly good bed since, like my back can't relax and I can't sink into my bed and sleep like I used to do pre-homelessness.
so sometimes, when I'm in bed, I'm hit with this cold sensation that reminds me of when I'd only have enough money for like a night in a hotel and I needed to get as much sleep as I could but I new I only had a really limited amount of time before having to go back to work for 8 hours and be on the street again, like, it's the feeling of knowing this comfort will be a fleeting thing. every time I'm out on walks or out in the rain I'll randomly get extremely tired and scared and uncomfortable like there's that mental coldness that hits me even if the weather is fine. And I'll internally beg to be back inside and in a bed and wrapped up in a blanket and to just be safe. Like the knowledge that I actually have somewhere to sleep isn't enough to stave off that random feeling that hits. I don't know what flashbacks are supposed to feel like or what they look/sound like but I'm wondering if that's anywhere close to it, if that's what I'm experiencing. ofc there's other stuff but I didn't really feel like just being suicidal in general and being distrustful of people is enough of a reason to go take advantage of a diagnosis. if this is actually PTSD I wouldn't mind going to get drugged up for it but I want to know if that even sounds like PTSD to anyone else, or if I'm just a bitch
