is this a valid reason to kill myself

[BeratingLife]

i hate working. Im innately lazy. i also have issues believing in my capabilities and competency. I feel like im gonna achieve nothing in life. But out of all my siblings, my parents have the most trust in me. Ive been put through a difficult college because i, unfortunately, passed their entrance exam, studying a premedical program. But i also live in the philippines, i didnt get apt education when i was in highschool and stuff, and my peers here in this estimable medical school are just beyond my own level of competency, they came from very prestigious schools and i just hate the feeling of falling behind. Another thing is, in contrast to my friends, they are so passionate of building a future for themselves and accomplishing their dreams, whereas me, i am nowhere as dedicated as them to myself. I sort of dont have any ambitions in life, i never developed a passion for anything, and everytime i wanna try and improve my current state in life and be as productive as i can, i tend to give up half way, wouldnt even last more than a week. Albeit, i did have some ounce of interest in computer science, i wanted to pursue it as most have suggest that its an easy way to earn substantial income plus i like computers, but my parents were reluctant to have me take that as my program in college. i dont know where my life is heading now, im pretty incompetent in most things and i dont think ill be able to live up to the expectations of my parents of becoming a doctor someday, it takes vocation to achieve such a goal. Sometimes i feel like i wanna take something much more lighter and serene, like maybe a library science course since, i think, they got a ton of free time and can read a lot of books in there job (i also wanna have a hobby on reading books because, for some reason, its one of the things that i somehow able to keep somewhat consistent)

honestly, i feel ctb is just one of my best options now in life. College managed to push me further to the edge. I just hate stress that's all. Is it valid to end my life, because i couldnt handle the challenges in this world and dont have the capacity to survive? im not the worst individual here in my place when it comes to doing work, but im also not very good at it. I feel pretty small and inadequate. i just want to be gonee

 

[chuerdhmproton]

it sounds like your ability to function on a normal level is being impeded by your poor mental health, it doesn't have to mean you are inherently worse than others and will never be function on a normal level. if you want to get better your focus needs to be on your mental health, otherwise you will never succeed well. I'd say don't worry about too much on how much you are achieving but on how much you can improve your mental health, everything else comes after that.

 

[UKscotty]

Didn't read the whole post but just wanted to say there is no such thing as a valid reason.

We all have the right to die. If someone wants outs of this insane life, that's upto the person. You don't need to explain the reason to anyone.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Any of your personal reasons that make you consider CTB is a valid reason. The desision is then up to you whether you decide to CTB or try to recover. Dying is a basic human right if someone has the desire to leave this world.

CTB should always be the very last option because once it is successful there is no way back. I wish you all the best.

 

[rosenwasser]

You don't need a valid reason to choose to ctb in my opinion. As others have already stated, your body and your life is yours and you should be free to end it if that is what you wish.
If you are experiencing doubts, it might be worth it contemplating on them. It sounds like you are suffering from depression and feeling inadequate because you feel like you are falling behind your family or ppl in your college. For one, you should be proud of yourself for getting in. Ofc you can't know and be everything someone from a priviledged household is. But also: You sound generally uninterested in your field of study. Being forced to put so much energy into a topic that gives you nothing back would probably tire everyone, not just you.
I think of ctb as a last resort in case I just really can't go on anymore. It's calming for me to know that this option is always here and that I always have to capability to end this if my suffering becomes too much.
You sound like quite a young person. You seem to be under a lot of peer pressure and having unrealisitc expectations of yourself. You don't have to become a doctor, you don't have to "excel" in life. You can find your own way, focus on your mental health, get into CS (you don't even need college for that) and find a job that goes along with your skills and energy levels. Maybe something like that would be worth trying before ctb.
If it doesn't work and/or if your pain doesn't cease, it's more than valid to choose on out.

 

[rainseahorse]

You don't need a reason to kill yourself, just note that you're likely not alone in feeling incompetent and lazy and many more in your same situation end up achieving success. You've already passed the first hurdle of getting into a competitive college. So your incompetence is somehow already better than those who didn't. I'm not even sure if you're actually falling behind, unless you're straight up failing your studies. I just feel like people who talk about being lazy, hating work, having no passion, tend to still be doing ok and passing. Does this apply to you?

 

[cosifantutti]

i hate working. Im innately lazy. i also have issues believing in my capabilities and competency. I feel like im gonna achieve nothing in life. But out of all my siblings, my parents have the most trust in me. Ive been put through a difficult college because i, unfortunately, passed their entrance exam, studying a premedical program. But i also live in the philippines, i didnt get apt education when i was in highschool and stuff, and my peers here in this estimable medical school are just beyond my own level of competency, they came from very prestigious schools and i just hate the feeling of falling behind. Another thing is, in contrast to my friends, they are so passionate of building a future for themselves and accomplishing their dreams, whereas me, i am nowhere as dedicated as them to myself. I sort of dont have any ambitions in life, i never developed a passion for anything, and everytime i wanna try and improve my current state in life and be as productive as i can, i tend to give up half way, wouldnt even last more than a week. Albeit, i did have some ounce of interest in computer science, i wanted to pursue it as most have suggest that its an easy way to earn substantial income plus i like computers, but my parents were reluctant to have me take that as my program in college. i dont know where my life is heading now, im pretty incompetent in most things and i dont think ill be able to live up to the expectations of my parents of becoming a doctor someday, it takes vocation to achieve such a goal. Sometimes i feel like i wanna take something much more lighter and serene, like maybe a library science course since, i think, they got a ton of free time and can read a lot of books in there job (i also wanna have a hobby on reading books because, for some reason, its one of the things that i somehow able to keep somewhat consistent)

honestly, i feel ctb is just one of my best options now in life. College managed to push me further to the edge. I just hate stress that's all. Is it valid to end my life, because i couldnt handle the challenges in this world and dont have the capacity to survive? im not the worst individual here in my place when it comes to doing work, but im also not very good at it. I feel pretty small and inadequate. i just want to be gonee

I'm not surprised you're considering ctb. You're living the life your parents have created. You don't want to be a doctor and why should you? Just as you have a right to ctb you also have a right to make choices in what you study or not study at all.

I'm in my 60s. My five siblings all studied and got careers. I am lazy, not dedicated to study and never did achieve a great deal. I think Mum and Dad were a bit disappointed but I couldn't go through life meeting other peoples needs.

My son went to university. After a year he told us he loved the subject but couldn't be bothered studying. We told him that as long as he got a job that was okay. He's 43 now and a postman. He's very clever and reads a great deal. He makes enough money to get by and has enough time to enjoy life. He doesn't mind his job and has no pressure. Studying isn't for everyone.

I live in Scotland. I don't know if it's acceptable in your country to live the life you want. I've seen my son do it and he's living his best life.

Wishing you well.

 

[FuneralCry]

People should be able to cease existing whenever they wish to, it's a personal decision when to permanently escape from this existence and it's not something for other people to have a say in. Death will happen eventually whether there is a reason behind it or not so I don't understand the view that leaving on one's own terms needs a reason, none of us are obligated to continue suffering here.

 

[Mortadelo]

You don't need a reason.