Help Is this a good plan to help save myself?

[Dr Iron Arc]

Spoiler: The situation so far

So in case you haven't read my daily status update rants (I don't blame you if you haven't, they're bad), I seem to be making a lot of the same mistakes I made over eight years ago where I've inadvertently become infatuated with a woman who happens to work in the same place at me. Don't worry, she's not my boss and I'm not hers. I'm not sure what exactly drew me to her I mean she is definitely quite attractive but I think maybe it's because she initially showed interest to me but like not explicitly enough yet. I might be actually crazy but I feel like I read a lot of signs saying she likes me back but half the time I just get a completely different vibe altogether like she's upset at me for something. Others I've asked about speculate that it's just because I haven't actually asked her out yet. It's been weeks since I even got her Discord to message her but I already sent something which she still hasn't responded to so maybe she just doesn't use it much. I'm just not sure whether she ever liked me at all or if she's just frustrated I haven't asked her out at all. I mean I kind of feel like I shouldn't have to be the one with all this pressure because it's 2024 and she's over 25 and I'm almost 30 and women should be allowed to initiate too in fact I'd prefer it god, gender roles are stupid, but maybe that's just how she prefers it. When I've helped her out at work before she has told me twice (three times if you count the time I pretended I didn't hear her just so I could hear her say it again) that she loves me. Is this an obvious enough sign or am I delusional and she only said that platonically? I really don't know. I know I'm an incel but that's not exactly because of my looks, I'm just not confident and I'm insecure and I'm very immature like goddamn I sound like a fucking middle schooler and yet I'm almost 30.

Anyways, I've decided that today at some point in my shift, which will start at 5:00 pm pacific time, I'll try to finally subtly ask her what her plans for next Wednesday are since I'm pretty sure she's told me she usually has that day off and so do I. Conveniently that week is also Valentine's Day so I might as well ask her, right? I'm going to try to ease into it because by first asking if she's free on that day without mentioning its significance just to see if she's even open or not that day. If she's free then I'm locked in I suppose but I guess I'll need more advice on what to actually do if she does agree. I only have until 7 pm when her shift ends to ask her though and I'm afraid if anyone else is around to hear they might start gossiping or teasing me about it later no matter the outcome and I really wouldn't want that.

My question for you guys is: is this a good plan or not? Am I crazy and this is a bad idea?

After all, there are so many ways this could go wrong: I could get written up for harassment if it turns out she never liked me. Even if she did, she could still already be over me at this point because of how pathetic I am and how long it's taken and how awkward I've become around her after all this time I've wasted. It's been about over a month I'd say since I started developing these feelings for her and I know this is a mistake because it's similar to the mistake I made last time I liked a girl from my work which was over eight years ago. That time though, the girl approached me first but I took too long to tell her how I felt and she chose someone else. She even later told me I should have just been faster. That incident has defined almost the entirety of my 20s I'm not even sure I'm even fully over it. It's taking me so much of all of the little effort and courage I have just to even make it this far…

So that's my dilemma. Sorry it spiraled and became extra long winded again. I really tried to keep it as short as I could but there's just so much to explain about this. I'd really appreciate some insight to see if this is the way I should go or maybe I should just give up and carry out killing myself like I originally wanted to. I was considering putting this in Recovery because it could potentially lead to me recovering and not wanting to CTB if it works but I ultimately decided this topic is kind of silly so it's better off in off topic. I know lots of people are suffering in far worse ways than me I'm honestly just a miserable incel who's not even struggling with typical incel things if I could even make it this far. I'm so sorry to my fellow lonely men I don't want to make you jealous I just want to break free from this hell I'm in same as you do. Although… I guess even if my plan works and she does agree to go out with me next Wednesday I could always still fuck that up and want to CTB regardless but we'll see.

 

[mortuarymary]

It's a good plan BUT what if she says no or she is busy, what then?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's a good plan BUT what if she says no or she is busy, what then?

Busy I can handle quite well actually. It still means yes, right? It also gives me more time to prepare something better which should be a good thing I think. If she says no though then it's back to good ol' CTB plans I guess. I should really get started on my second suicide notes anyway.

 

[mortuarymary]

No notes until you get an answer. Remember some don't celebrate valentine. She might think it's a bit lame or corny.

 

[mortuarymary]

Awh I don't think that's grounds for harassment - it's just a harmless question and it doesn't corner or pressure her so it's still entirely up to her. If she said she loves you many times before I think that's pretty heavy-handed for a platonic relationship (usually when friends say they love you they're pretty close already). I think it'd be worth a try. I don't usually encourage people who're having ideations to seek out romantic relationships - but sometimes love can go a long way.

Good luck OP, I'm rooting for you. I truly hope things turn out in your favor.

I don't think it is.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

No notes until you get an answer. Remember some don't celebrate valentine. She might think it's a bit lame or corny.

That's why I'm going to pretend I don't know and not actually mention the holiday when I ask, I'm just going to check if she's free on next Wednesday or not. The day itself holds little meaning to me except as the day ten days before my birthday since I've never even had a relationship before. I just picked that day because from what I know it's the only day we have off at the same time next week. If she brings it up I can maybe go like "Oh yeah, so does that still work for you then?" or something to that effect. I don't even know if she's actually single or not so I guess asking is another way to find out without directly asking that…

Awh I don't think that's grounds for harassment - it's just a harmless question. If she said she loves you then I think that's pretty heavy-handed for a platonic relationship (usually when friends say they love you they're pretty close already). I think it'd be worth a try.

I think that at the original location I was trained at, somebody actually did get written up just for asking someone else out although he might have just been given a warning. I'm not sure how exactly he asked her either so that might have been a factor too. Even if that doesn't happen to me I still wouldn't want this job to become too awkward since I actually don't mind doing it even if I don't make all that much. I guess I could find ways to reasonably avoid her if that really is the case.

 

[the old man]

Just ask outright, you mention you lost someone before by being hesitant so learn from your mistakes. The worst that can happen is you get turned down, you'll feel embarrassed for a while but it'll pass and be forgotten sooner than you think.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think you're going about it very well - because at least you're considerate of how it might affect her as well. It's not like you're asking her out to dinner - I don't think you'll be comprising yourself. If the feeling is mutual, she'll understand the implications - and respond accordingly. If not well, at least you'll know you tried. Coming from someone who also suffers from social anxiety - I know it takes a lot of guts to go through with something like this, and I commend you for that.

Thank you, and true. I don't plan to ask her to dinner yet even if she says yes. Although actually I don't even know what I should suggest if that possibility comes up because of how unsure I am of it even being possible. Maybe tea or coffee somewhere? I hear that's a good start. I guess anywhere where I can talk to her for more than two minutes without having to worry about nosy managers or coworkers is a win.

Just ask outright, you mention you lost someone before by being hesitant so learn from your mistakes. The worst that can happen is you get turned down, you'll feel embarrassed for a while but it'll pass and be forgotten sooner than you think.

You're absolutely right, I'm just a little afraid it's already been too long enough since it's been at least two weeks since I even asked for her contact info. I think the worst that can truly happen is if I find out I'm already too late again but yeah I guess that's all the more reason it has to be today.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I definitely think you should ask her. It isn't harassment at all! It's just asking her a question. That way, at least you'll know if she's interested. If she happens to mention it being valentine's day, you could always just say- you hadn't realised. Would she prefer to do something another day?

She's clearly very fond of you if she's saying she loves you. It may not 100% mean romantically but I'm sure it means a very strong friendship and that can surely grow into romance.

I so hope this goes well for you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I definitely think you should ask her. It isn't harassment at all! It's just asking her a question. That way, at least you'll know if she's interested. If she happens to mention it being valentine's day, you could always just say- you hadn't realised. Would she prefer to do something another day?

That's pretty much exactly how I intend to execute my plan, thanks for putting it into better words I can follow.

She's clearly very fond of you if she's saying she loves you. It may not 100% mean romantically but I'm sure it means a very strong friendship and that can surely grow into romance.

I so hope this goes well for you.

I hope so too, thanks. I did think it was weird that she'd just say that to me if she only meant it platonically.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Sorry to disappoint everyone expecting an update, but she wasn't at work this so I couldn't even ask her. If she was, I unfortunately didn't get to see her at her station at all. Tomorrow (Sunday so I guess that's today?) it will be the same situation where I'll only have two hours to somehow get her alone enough to ask her at all once I arrive at my workplace. Monday would probably be the last and only shot I have but that already feels even more too late than it's already been. I'll still remain hopeful though, for now at least.

 

[mortuarymary]

Ask her when you see her next.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well good news is I did see her today and I did get to ask her. The bad news, or rather the neutral news, is that I still didn't really set up anything concrete I guess…….

Here's how it mostly went (I'll try to put it in script form even though I've removed a lot of the stuttering I did):

(After some talking about things like the Super Bowl which neither of us really care about)

Me: So what days do you have off next week?
Her: Ah you know, Tuesday and Wednesday same as always.
Me: I see. They changed mine to Wednesday and Friday for this week.
Her: Ah.
Me (after an awkward ten seconds of hesitation): So uhhhh…you wanna hang out anywhere on Wednesday then since we both have that day off?…
Her: I'll have to see about that, I have classes on Wednesday and that's when I do labs so I'm not sure when I'll be out.
Me: I see, I see. (Someone comes in so I have to wrap this up quickly) Maybe we could uhhhh chat about this later then?
Her: Sure!

And then she leaves. I was so nervous the whole time. If it had ended there I'd be feeling a little more fine about my status with her but no I'm not sure what message to send her to ask her more properly. Later in the shift I had kind of awkward interaction with her where I saw her head to the back, look at me, and then when I tried to follow her she…didn't do anything? What was she expecting me to do? It just looked like a followed her for no reason and she said nothing further about it? I later had another chance to talk to her but all I could bring up was the fact she was staying an hour later than usual (she's not sure why either).

I think part of what threw me off is that the top she was wearing today was really striking to me. It wasn't revealing or anything (it's too damn cold for that these days) but it was just such a striking shade of blue, one of my favorite colors, and as much as I wanted to comment on how nice it looked and how many chances I had, I didn't. I got scared again that I was gonna get too greedy and she'd take it the wrong way somehow. I don't know what's wrong with me or why she's letting me get this far if she's not attracted to me at all but maybe I'm just interpreting all the details wrong and she's really only humoring me I just don't know. Her expressions always seem so neutral and maybe that's what I like but I'm also frustrated at how I'm unable to proceed precisely because she seems to be "playing hard to get" as they say. I wish I knew whether that's the case or not because I didn't think that tactic was an actual thing people do I thought it was just a shitty justification used to harass an unrequited interest but someone pointed out to me that for her it could actually be the case. I guess it seems to be working because the more she seems neutrally receptive, the more drawn in I get and I hate how disgusting that makes me feel.

My next plan I suppose is to maybe hopefully try to ask her for more clarification on what she'd want to do on Wednesday during today's Monday shift. Neither of us mentioned Valentine's Day so either she's also playing dumb on that fact or she doesn't care. The fact she didn't mention doing anything with a significant other leads me to hopefully believe she doesn't have one so that's good at least. Worst comes to worst I might just ask her what her plans would be next Wednesday…

Tl;dr: this plan worked but also didn't? Well maybe it did but I just don't know what exactly to do next…

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Alright I put on some Frontiers music and am psyched up again. Now if I see her today, I'll try to ask again to clarify. If I don't, then I'll try to message her tomorrow.

I think at this point my main goal of conversation with her is to eventually get across the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing and hopefully she'll take that information however she likes. If she doesn't like me after that, fine. I'll die and go back to whining about how lonely I am here. If she does I should be good right?