it strikes me as inconsiderate to completely derail the thread of someone in pain. it's like asking for help and getting talked over. all of you should know that.
anyway, i read the handbook and wrote out everything i'd have to do for a few of the more viable peaceful methods. i think they leave too much room for error - mostly for si to kick in. i don't trust myself to be able to handle it even though i have the resources to travel elsewhere.
could jumping, drowning, hanging etc. be made more peaceful somehow? all i can think of is alcohol, weed, and music…
now that i'm really researching all of this, i'm realizing how difficult society has made it. i don't see any point in living when i'm doomed to be managing the symptoms of trauma for however long i'd live naturally. i don't have any other ambitions. i just wish the little girl i used to be got a proper chance. i wish she was loved instead of lonely.