Is there something that has help you accept it? How do you prepare mentally for that day?

[hellispink]

It is so difficult to fight with the survival instinct , the guilt, the doubts that come with all it. Peace … acceptance are the ultimate goal.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am at peace with my decision to leave this world and dying is all that I want. There could never be anything here for me in this life. I believe death to be nothingness where there is no more pain and suffering. Nothing can hurt me if I no longer exist. I do not have any doubts.

Existence is completely meaningless and I see no point to existing until old age just for the sake of it. All humans will die eventually someday, so to me death is not something to be feared. I could never fear it, instead I fear life.
This life is so horrifying.

I think that someone cannot force themselves to accept their decision, it is just a feeling they have, deep down that they know that leaving is the right thing.
The thing that is holding me back personally is the fear of failing the method and the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit. I think that if dying was easier I would already be gone.

 

[outrider567]

Nothing to prepare for the big day--When your personal despair reaches an intolerable point, and you see that things will not get better, only stay the same day after day week after week or just get worse, then perhaps its time

 

[Hercules]

You can't force yourself to accept your decision to ctb, and you shouldn't have to. You don't have to ctb. It is only one choice you can make. You can also chose to live. Only you know what your circumstances are and what is best for you. If you have doubts, then you shouldn't do it. You should wait and try to find another solution to your problems.

I don't think that there is anything that you can do specifically to mentally prepare for it. When you start overthinking it, that's when SI takes over and gets in the way. People who go through with it are able to do so when their desperation outweighs their fear.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Speaking for myself, the idea of being an old, weak man, reliant on others for help is my reason. Getting old is a curse not a privilege to me. Do not base your decision on anyone in this forum.

 

[Judy Garland]

I read from a user who has passed on, that it is nearly impossible to be "ready" and that is because of survival instinct. He stated that the feeling of not being ready will continue all the way to the point of death. I myself am trying to get odds and ends done, but more odds and ends come up. I have to hand in paperwork to the government, I have to renew my driver's license, and now I have to deal with trying to get a replacement air conditioner. Why bother with any of it if I just kill myself? Because I'm a preparing for failure. If I fail, I want to have NOTHING to do for a few weeks at least. It would be hell to not only fail at killing myself, what would be worse is if I had all of this stuff I needed to get done after having failed. Life keeps throwing shit at me though, so I don't know how organized I'm going to be when I make my attempt to die.

 

[Resinn66]

Usually, what triggers the urgency of ctb is when I am in a state of panic In these moments I would not hesitate to do it.
otherwise mentally, it is very difficult to carry it out

 

[london3]

@hellispink

Survival instinct is very strong in human beings.

In terms of the physical symptoms like fast heartbeat and nausea have you thought about using medicines like propranolol, metoclopramide and diazepam? These will help you feel relaxed.

Only you can know when is the time to go, but you really need to be in a calm state of mind where your intentions to die vastly overpower any negative thoughts like guilt, fear and regret. You might need to give yourself time to have a deep think and prepare for a successful outcome.

You need to keep telling yourself in your own mind that the pain will soon be over and distract yourself to not think about family etc.

Anyway i hope you find the courage to power through and always know that there is no rush and you can always change your mind.

 

[Versailles]

I am bipolar in that aspect, sometimes I feel that I am able to accept my death, other times I don't, it depends on my state of mind. Although I think that the place where I plan to do it will help me a lot, my ideal place would be in a cold forest, preferably snowy or cloudy, with this music

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

I hope that on the day that I want to ctb, taking a few benzos will make me calm enough to carry through and complete all the necessary steps.

Anyone any more ideas?